Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 8, Part 3: Unlabeled

Jaze D'Angelo

     We just stopped right in front of their house, while we just sat in the car quietly for a whole minute, waiting for the other to initiate to talk while we wait for the downpour to have its end. He just rested his hands on the wheel while we just stared at the road right in front of us. I've already decided to ask him if I could stay here for the night, even though it's merely against my will. It's like I'm already offering myself to him and that's just crazy. Anyway, this is the only choice I have, I have no other place to go, I'd rather stay here than go back to our apartment and be devoured by the spiteful atmosphere surrounding it. It's almost 5 PM and it already looks like the sun has already set, for real. Also, it looks like it's gonna rain all night, just by judging how dark the sky is.

     I sighed, heavily "So..." I said then leaned back against the chair, turned to my left and he's been staring at me already, quietly. I admit, it was kinda creepy, but his eyes were so innocent, it's kind of like begging for me, wanting me. "Can I... stay for the night?" I asked, without showing even a single ounce of pride just to convince him since he's the only choice I have.

     "Why?" he asked, boldly and somehow sarcastically, as if he's kind of like rejecting me already.

     I unbuckled my seatbelt, furiously "Nevermind, get out now, I'm just gonna sleep in my car for tonight."

     He put his hand on my shoulder, and we both looked at his hand, and I immediately glared at him. "I'm just asking you why. Why don't you just answer me? Why're you finding a place to stay?" he asked.

     "Fine!" I yelled, then facepalmed. "My friends know and saw what we did last night, okay? And... I admitted it because they interrogated me, after that, they hated me and they're kind of disgusted by me which is bullshit. I don't know what to do now, I don't wanna go back there yet. All thanks to you, everything starts to screw up," I replied.

     He just stared at the wheel "Is it...my fault?" he asked, softly and sincerely.

     We suddenly looked at each other and his gaze penetrated through me inside "Technically, yes, but I ain't actually mad about that. You're already a problem of mine, but a problem that I'd rather keep than solve. I'm not actually good with words, and I think I may not be able to say it to you at this current point in time, but... I know that you already know what I'm trying to express to you. That's why I had to do certain things for the sake of you because -"

     He immediately put his hand at the back of my head, pulled me closer, and we kissed inside of my car. I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to resist something like this. He's starting to become my own weakness and strength in many aspects of my life, ever since his presence emerged.

     He pulled his head a few inches away. We exchanged breaths while he's still holding me by the head. His breath smells so freaking good and it's so...addicting. Just like his lips. "You don't have to tell me, I'm not emotionally numb. I've already felt everything from you, and I guess we're just missing one more thing," he said, persuasively and seductively. Right after hearing those words, I just imagined what else could happen if I am actually gonna stay here for the night, jeez. I think I'm not ready yet...

     "Let's just slow everything down, shall we?" I asked then sat properly back on my seat.

     "Are you... a top? Or a bottom?" he asked and I couldn't decipher what that actually meant.

     I shook my head slightly out of confusion "What do you mean?" I asked while I squinted at him.

     "Oh, you're a top, that's nice," he replied while he nodded his head while he also gestured convincement using his lips.

     "What? I haven't answered your freaking question yet," I said, while I contemplated about the last words we have said, thinking about what it actually meant.

     "It's simple, you don't know anything about that yet, and that already confirms you as a top," he said.

     "I literally have no idea about what you're talking about. Freaking narrow it down and explain it to me, will ya?" I said as I'm already getting kinda irritated.

     "I'm gonna explain it to you but not explicitly so I'm just gonna use an example. So, in gay y'know, we have a top and a bottom. The top for example is like the plug, electric plug, and the bottom on the other hand is the socket, and I guess you already know what an electric plug does to a socket, right?" he said and laughed right away. I spent a minute figuring it out and it eventually made sense to me. "But, it doesn't always revolve to that," he added. "That doesn't matter to some but it's what most homosexuals define themselves and to be able to find other people like them that fits in their preference and standards. Homosexuality isn't always about s*x. It's not that necessary, actually."

     I shrugged "That's...cool? I guess? And yeah, I feel like you're right about me, I feel like I am a top, though I'm not yet ready for that kind of stuff, and yeah, it's not that necessary for me, too," I replied.

     "Ooh, a serious type, huh," he said along with a wicked grin. "I'm just kidding. Anyways, the rain has already stopped, and I guess you don't wanna stay in here for the rest of the day, right? You may stay here at my house now, as long as you want," he said then gave a welcoming smile, enough to shove away all of my doubts.

     "Thanks..."

     "Your house is nice though, I forgot to give it a compliment last time, but that's just an understatement, I don't even know if there's an exact word to describe your house anyway," I said while I looked around his house and admired every painting on the walls. I just noticed something "By the way. Are you...living on your own?" I asked as he's the only person I could perceive in his precious abode.

     "Yeah, I do everything all by myself, it's not like I want to be dependent on someone for my own stuff, that's why I don't get maids and other personal workers, it cringes me out," he replied while he's searching for something in his pantry in his kitchen. He closed the door of the pantry "I love being alone," he said.

     I moved my head back a little "Oh, I guess I'm a bother for you then," I replied sarcastically.

     He's already walking towards me holding two flute glasses in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. "Who told you?" he replied. He placed the glasses and the bottle of champagne on his living room table then sat beside me. He put his hands on his lap, still looking down. "I love being alone, but... I'd rather be alone with someone I love and adore."

     "Can we watch a movie?" I asked, right away. Trying to change our course since I could already feel the s****l tension forming.

     "Sure, what specific genre are you into?" he asked, and I just reminded myself that I don't really watch movies anymore.

     "Uh... anything will do, it's not like I'm actually picky, haven't seen a movie in a while too," I replied and leaned back against the sofa while I put my hands on the back of my head.

     "Oh, that's nice, we could go out sometimes, watch a movie at the mall, sounds fun, right?" he said while he already operated his ginormous television.

     To think about that, I haven't gone out and go somewhere in a while too. But, should I? Is this really what I'm into? I mean, I have already confirmed and accepted who I really am but, day by day, I just get more and more attached to this man. He feels the same thing too, which is a relief but... I actually don't know, something's holding me back...

     "Yeah, that'd be great," I replied.

     He had already picked a movie, and just by guessing the title, it's a romance one. The movie already started and we just sat there quietly. "Do you wanna drink?" he asked.

     "I'm gonna pass, I don't feel like drinking tonight, even though I have something to deal with. I guess I'm just gonna... deal with it myself, rather than drinking it all away. Because it won't go away either anyway..." I replied, without looking at him and just paid attention to the movie.

     "Alright, I'm just gonna put this back then to where it belongs," he said and walked back to the kitchen to put back the bottle of champagne and glasses. He went back with a bag of chips and popcorn. He threw the bag of chips at me. With the dexterity of my reflexes, I was able to catch it properly even though it was so sudden. "Don't say no, I'll be making dinner right after this movie," he said.

     "Okay, no problem," I replied, and opened the bag of chips.

     The movie ended, and to be honest, it was so f*****g boring. We literally just watched in silence, it was so weird but it makes sense since we're watching something. He also seemed unfazed by what's happening in the movie as if he already knows every part of it.

     "So, you're gonna make dinner now?" I asked then placed the empty bag of chips on the living room table while watching the credits roll down.

     "Yeah, what do you wanna eat?" he asked. I just hated my mind for encoding what he just said in such a vaguely dirty manner, I just held my laugh and thought about what to reply.

     "I'm down for anything," I replied. He just laughed and shook his head slightly. Thank God I'm not the only one that has a dirty freaking mind. "By the way, you know how to cook?"

     He already stood up "Yeah? I mean, I live on my own, so technically I cook for myself," he replied and already walked towards the kitchen.

     "That's nice, I don't know anything about cooking. My friend always does the cooking for us," I said, even though I was uncertain if he was still able to hear what I have just said.

     I just remained sitting while reading the names that show up in the credits. Suddenly, his freaking name showed up! It was written by him, based on a novel of his own. I quickly stood up and checked his bookshelf, and there I saw a book that has the same title as the movie, what the heck. He literally just made me watch a movie of his without even telling me, that's crazy. I just decided to wander around his house while he's busy in the kitchen. I walked towards one of the paintings on his wall and I know for sure that these artworks are made by him too. I took a closer look and inspected every part of it, and at the bottom, I found his name below his signature. I knew it. The painting is really cool though, very medieval-ish. It's a female warrior leading a battalion riding armored horses. I guess he's really into the field of arts. How I wish I'm as passionate as him because I feel like giving up on my photography degree but... I guess I have to keep it, for my own dream's sake, for my future. No wonder why he's so successful now, I guess he was born with gold in his palms and he's also very industrious. He's not that spoiled and dependent too. Long story short, he deserves all this. And he's so amazing, that just makes me like him even more... At the edge of the room, he has a rack with all of his precious cameras. I just walked closer to it, I really want to touch it so bad but I am actually kinda scared I'm gonna break it because I know for sure that the numbers of the price of these are way longer than my whole freaking name.

     "Hey,"

     He just came out from nowhere and put his hand on my shoulder "WHAT - the fuck... Don't do that, jeez, you scared the hell outta me,"

     He just facepalmed while he's trying so hard not to laugh "I'm sorry, I just remembered I haven't gone to the grocery yet and there's...no more food left..." the grin on his face disappeared instantaneously as he's kinda embarrassed about himself. "So I just wanna ask you if it's okay if we just order something. Or, we could just go out and eat," he suggested, flipping the situation into the positive side.

     "It's fine, I'm down," I said.

     "Right, I'm just gonna go change, wait for me," he said then immediately ran upstairs.

     I just continued looking at his cameras and there I saw the one that looks the same as the one that he gave to me as a gift, the Phase One camera. But, I noticed that the lens is cracked. I looked at the other ones and they're completely fine and unscathed, except for that one. Maybe, the one that he wanted to give to me was actually that one? And the reason why the lens is cracked is that I kicked it when I returned it to him. Jeez, I feel so awful and ashame of myself, I freaking ruined his collection. But, it's not like he can't replace it anyway so I'm not actually that guilty.

     "I'm ready," he said and I just glanced at the staircase. There I found him walking down the staircase while fixing his hair. It's like everything slowed down as I watched him walk down the staircase while staring at me. He's wearing a brown leather jacket, a white t-shirt beneath, and a pair of denim jeans. That's literally something that I'd wear. He approached me "Do you wanna...change?" he asked and looked at me as if he despises my current outfit because I'm just wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

     "Nah, I'm gonna wear my fur coat on top of this anyways so I think I'm good," I replied and went back to the couch to grab my bag.

     "You're bringing that?"

     I gave him a confused look "Yeah? Is anything wrong with that?"

     "Nothing. Let's go," he said and he already grabbed his keys then headed outside the house.

     So I guess I'm gonna have to ride shotgun in his freaking Bugatti again.

     He drives my life so freaking insane yet I'm having fun riding shotgun.