Why I'd Rather Be Wrong

Chapter 7, Part 2: Petty Quarrel

Jaze D'Angelo

     "Erm," I coughed. "Please excuse me for a second," I said then already walked away from the table.

     What the heck is this man trying to do?! Boyfriend? Is he gay? Like, out of all the people out there, why does it have to be me? I remembered what he said at the nightclub the first time we met, he said that he already told his parents that he's going to introduce that someone to his parents, but they broke up, so maybe he thought about picking me as the one that he would introduce as his freaking boyfriend. And that just confirms that the picture of a man inside his wallet is no one else but his ex. Jeez, this man's so playful. I absolutely hate facing furthermore consequences so I just decided to run away rather than to blurt the truth out at this very moment.

     I just walked away from the table and then searched for the comfort room, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I approached a waiter and gave out all of my courage to ask.

     "Hey," I said and he immediately looked back at me while holding the tray with tulip glasses of champagne. "I just wanna ask where -"

     "Sir, are you an outsider?" he cut me off after he had looked at me from head to toe and then gave me a threatening and underestimating look.

     I actually have no idea about what to reply, because I'm obviously an outsider but I don't wanna get dragged out of this place. "I'm not. So, may I know where the comfort room is?" I asked being sarcastically courteous.

     "Sir, I'm so sorry but I ain't buy-"

     Cassius managed to catch up with me "Hey, what's going on here? He's my boyfriend," he said.

    The waiter's jaw just dropped "I-I'm so sorry, sir," he apologized and then bowed his head right in front of us, then already walked away.

     Cassius then grabbed my hand "Hey, where are -"

     "Boyfriend? Really? You're insane," I forcefully pulled my hand away then moved my head closer to him and gave a gaze full of anger "And also, don't f*****g touch me," I said then walked away.

     I just found the comfort room from a distance. I hurriedly walked towards it and went inside. I walked to the sink and just rested my arms against the counter while I looked at myself in the mirror in front of me. I literally don't know what to do anymore, my head is literally gonna explode at any moment now. I feel like the decisions that I'd be making here will truly affect and change my life. But, I-I can't help it...

     Cassius suddenly went inside the comfort room, he locked the door and walked towards me. I immediately grabbed him by the collar and pinned him against the wall while I moved my face closer to his, angrily. He's so freaking tall, I even had to stand on my tiptoes. "I'm tired of all of these lies that you feed me, so I want you to be f*****g honest with me and answer my f*****g question." He just looked at me in the eye with a blank face "Are you gay?" I asked, all while clenching my teeth as I'm trying to suppress my anger.

     He shrugged, with his palms up. "What gave it away?" he said sarcastically, which made me push him against the wall even more.

     We just stared at each other with our faces that's just a few inches away from each other. He then slowly put his hands on each side of my head and caressed me near my ear while he looked down at me. He stooped down slightly and moved his lips closer to mine, remaining a single inch away from each other, we exchanged breaths while the anger on my face slowly dissipated. We pressed our foreheads against each other while he continued touching my face with both hands. I already know where this is going and I'm going to let him, and I'm letting him do the move. His eyes are kind of like pleading like he truly wanted to do this so bad. He then finally had the urge to kiss me, our lips collided and my lips are involuntary moving on their own. I held his collar even tighter as we continued. His lips are so soft and so delicate as he kissed me so passionately. And he also knows how to use his tongue well, as it's been wandering the whole time.

     He stopped kissing me and pulled his head back away a little bit. He squinted one eye and grinned "I knew it," he said.

     I just looked down at his chest "Knew what?" I asked.

     "That you like me, that you're also gay, like me," he said.

     I let him go then I walked towards the sink and leaned against the counter "What made you say I'm gay? Can't I be bi at least?" I said sarcastically while I put my hands on my chin. "It's funny how other people can indicate something about me more than I could to my own self," I added, then I shook my head.

     "Every homosexual is basically referred to as gay, not only a man that is attracted also to a man. Yeah, I apologize too," he said while he crossed his arms.

     "So, how did you know?" I asked then looked at him while I pressed my arms against the counter behind me.

     "I just had this feeling, you know, that you are, and your browser history kinda confirmed it all," he said then winked, and I just realized that, Gawd. Now it makes sense why I found that folded paper on my freaking laptop. He walked towards me and put his hands on my shoulder "So, should we just fake it...'til we make it? Or...let's just be it?" he asked in a very soft yet persuasive manner.

     I shoved him away and shook my head "No, I have things to deal with, and...I have a girlfriend..."

     He laughed low-key. He moved closer to me again and wandered his hand around my collar "Girlfriend, huh. I wonder what would be her reaction after finding out that -"

     I pressed my index finger against his chest "Don't you dare meddle with my own problems again, I'm telling you," I cut him off while staring at him in the eye.

     He raised both of his hands, surrendering what he just said "Alright, I won't. Just let me have this day, please, I'll just introduce you as my...y'know... And after this, you're all free, this won't happen again, ever," he reassured.

     I just sighed "What choice do I have?" I said sarcastically.

     We're already walking back towards the table. He clung his arm around my neck while we walked and I just glared at him "It's a part of the plan," he said and I just sighed.

     "We're back, I'm sorry, my boyfriend isn't actually that comfortable with this many people," he explained then looked at me along with a reassuring wink and I just nodded right in front of everybody.

     The table is so long and we're just on the left side, the right side's like having their own conversation. There are so many other people here mostly the same status as the Cliffords, I suppose. They sort of make me feel uneasy, but I actually don't mind at all, now that I am somehow included in the Cliffords. Except for the fact that I totally look like a man that just decided to go grab some milk at the convenience store.

     "So, my dearest son's boyfriend," Cassius's mother spoke and she's gazing upon me and then the people suddenly stopped talking. "Would you mind introducing yourselves to us?" she asked with a smile that made me more anxious rather than to have courage.

     "Ma, I just did, he doesn't like speaking in front of many people," Cassius said to his mother with full respect.

     I suddenly stood up, which surprised them all, especially Cassius. "Good evening, everyone, my name's Jaze D'Angelo, Cassius's boyfriend, turning 21 in a few days, I'm a college photography student and a part-time bartender," I introduced along with a smile on my face then already sat down.

     "Photography, huh, both of you will surely get along well with each other," Cassius's dad said. I just smiled as a sort of reply.

     For a moment, I just realized how genuine and accepting his parents are, even though his son is introducing his 'boyfriend'. It's like they love and support their son for who he really is. I felt very welcomed too, to be honest, I just felt like I'm sort of out of place because their status is way too greater than mine. I feel like everyone needs this type of parents, not only that they had given their children a nice living and future but it's like they never really failed to show their children that they love them, no matter what...

     "By the way, my name's Tabitha, your mother-in-law, and this is my husband, Dionysius, your father-in-law," she said and then rested her head on his husband's shoulders. "Anyways, I'm just gonna be the one to introduce my beloved sons," Cassius's mom s***h Tabitha said. "That handsome bear right there is Darius," she then pointed at somebody right in front of us, and the man wearing a maroon plaid suit slightly raised his hand and didn't show any expression. She pointed at the younger guy beside Cassius "That pretty boy right there wearing a blue-green suit is my baby, his name's Valerius," she said.

     "Baby? Really?" her son replied, kind of annoyed and embarrassed at the same time. He leaned back against his chair, which allowed me to see him. He's actually a pretty boy, just like what her mom said. He's handsome, he's fit, not really muscular, he's actually very pale though, and we have the same hair color and style. I guess he's sort of younger than me, just by judging the way he acts, and his physical appearance too.

     "When and where did you guys meet?" the guy right in front of us on the other side of the table which I assume is the Darius one asked. He looks like he's Cassius's older brother and I'm certain about that. I guess he's around his 30's because he already has visible gray hair, even his facial hair.

     "Uhm... A couple of months ago. We bumped into each other at the nightclub where he works," Cassius explained and he was actually kind of hesitant to reply for some reason.

     He shrugged his head "That's cool," he said and then squinted one eye. "So, you guys already had s*x before? You guys love taking it from behind?" he asked and all of the people's attention was caught by the words he just emitted, we're all just speechless. I feel kinda attacked, even though I ain't actually guilty about what he's asking.

     "Watch your filthy mouth, Darius," Cassius's dad scolded his son.

     He raised his palms, trying to prove that he has a point. "What? Isn't that homosexuality is all about? s*x? What a huge piece of abomination in this world," he said then looked away while he clasped his hands on the table.

      Just a few seconds ago, I'm already on the brink of admiring this Darius guy, but not anymore. Good thing that I've already seen his true colors at this point. I am literally trying so hard suppressing this anger inside of me because even though I still question my homosexuality I'm still kinda guilty and this guy's truly attacking not only me but his very own brother too.

     "Says the one that hooks up with different girls every week? Hmm, I guess you wanna start this off again, huh, Darius?" Cassius rested his elbows against the table, low-key cracking his knuckles while glaring at his brother.

     "Here we go again," Valerius murmured sarcastically as if this is not the first time he has witnessed something like this.

     "First of all, how did you know you're gay? You've never been with a girl," Darius mocked.

     "Are you f-" he suddenly cut himself as he almost swore right in front of his parents. "Are you crazy? How did you even know you're straight? You've never been with a guy?" Cassius replied.

     "That doesn't make any sense," Darius replied along with raising his hands.

     Cassius stood up and pointed at Darius "See, you said it yourself, that doesn't make any sense, stupid -"

     "Enough!" their mother yelled, and she looks utterly pissed and somehow embarrassed of the situation. "Darius, this gathering has nothing to do with you. First of all, I arranged this for your father and me, for our anniversary. And also for your brother to have a chance to introduce his partner right in front of us but you just embarrassed all of the Cliffords right in front of him. You have no right to talk like that to your brother and his partner. So, if you can't do anything better, I think this night is better off without you," she scolded her son.

     Darius suddenly stood up "Fine!" he yelled. "It's not like I totally wanted to be here anyway, witnessing these homosexuals right in front of me," he said as he walked out.

     We just watched him exit the restaurant and the food has already arrived a few minutes ago but they just waited for the heat of the moment to cool down. The waiters already placed the food on the table while all of us remained speechless to what just happened a few seconds ago.

     "Let's just forget what just happened and just celebrate for the night, shall we?" Cassius's mother said while obviously forcing a smile.

     Sigh... I just wanna go home already...

     We already finished eating, and no one even dared to say a word anymore. Cassius asked for permission for us to head out first, and their parents just agreed. We're already walking back to his car. I'm just walking while looking down with my hands on each pocket.

     He suddenly punched the hood of his car to release his anger. He made a large crumbled dent which surprised me. A thousand dollars right down into the freaking drain.

     "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

     "What's wrong?" he mocked my question. "Me! I'm wrong," he said then pointed at himself. "You and I are wrong. This is all wrong. Everything about me is wrong! Even my f*****g existence is wrong!" he said then facepalmed.

     "Not because what you're doing is different from other people means you're already wrong," I said. "Not because you're different means you're already wrong. Well, if that's actually the case, then I'd rather be wrong too," I leaned back against his car, remaining my hands in my pocket while I played with the little rocks on the ground with my feet. "Because... what's the point of being right when you wallow in self-pity at night? "

     "Where do you get all of these words that you're saying right now?" he asked.

     "I don't really know, but I do know now and fully admit that...I'm just like you," I replied.

     He sighed "You do know that...I actually like you, right?" he asked, while we looked at each other but I gave him a gaze of disbelief. "Yeah, of course, you wouldn't believe me because I just got through a non-existent breakup since I was just left hanging by that bastard, you might even think that I'm making you as my rebound," he said, and then wiped his sweaty mouth.

     "First of all, how could you tell me that you like me already because we literally just knew each other," I replied. Says the one who was already so obsessed with this guy right after the day they met. 

     He crossed his arms "Well, do you even have to tell someone just to reassure them?" he asked and I just went completely speechless as I feel like someone has already told me that before, but I can't actually tell.

     "Are we just gonna hang around here all night? Or?" I asked, trying to change the topic because I already don't like where this is going.

     "Hop in, I'm gonna drive you home."

     "So... this is me. And this is it, this is where it'll end, right? I'm no longer your 'boyfriend' after tonight?" I asked right after he stopped right on the other side of the street at the front of our house.

     "I guess, I'm just gonna...make an excuse, and tell 'em that...we broke up...soon..." he said and then scratched his head as if doing that is truly against his will.

     "You're not gonna tell them that we broke up because of what happened tonight, are you?" I asked sarcastically.

     He just shrugged "I'll figure something else," he said. "Anyways, thank you again, for coming tonight. I also apologize for keeping it from you and bringing you into this without your consent, I'm sorry for what happened too..."

     "It's fine, man, it's not that big of a deal, I was just...shocked," I replied. "I'm gonna go now, I still have a lot of things to do."

     I opened the door and I just smiled at him, he smiled back and it's kind of like a pleading smile, telling me to stay but...I still need to figure things out and...I still have to confirm and accept who I really am...

     I went out of his car and looked back as I closed the door, he's just watching me leave. I feel so uneasy like something is holding me back but, I just kept walking while I feel his sight is bound to me while I walked away. I reached our porch and walked up to our doorstep. I just stood there, while I looked down on the mat, carefully listening to his car but it seems like he's not even driving off the street yet. I feel like he's still looking at me, and I think that's what's holding me back. It's already cold outside but I didn't really mind, my friends may be asleep already because I can't even hear a single sound from inside. After a few seconds, I heard the car move and that's when I knew I had to do it, I've already changed my mind because...I f*****g love this guy... I hurriedly rushed towards his car but he's already accelerating so I had to run even faster on the pavement. He's already gonna take a turn but I continued running and I managed to move along with his speed, I reached his window and knocked then he suddenly stopped. I stooped and rested my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. He went out of his car and walked towards me. I grabbed a piece of paper in my pocket which has my number written on it. I grabbed him by the collar to move him down a little bit and then kissed him. I didn't really mind doing it in public because no people are walking by anyway. His lips are so f*****g addicting, it's like my own drug now. He then grasped my head with both hands as we kissed dearly. He caressed his thumbs near my cheekbone and I pulled him closer 'til our chests collided.

     I already stopped and then grabbed his hand. I opened his palms, put the paper inside, and then folded it into a fist. "Let's be it," I said then already let go of him and walked off. I looked back for a second and he's just standing there while looking at the piece of paper in his palm. I actually never felt something like this towards someone, especially to a guy.

     Well, as far as I know...