What if I wasn't done loving you?

She deserves to go back home, even if it's not perfect.

The sounds in the morning, after the two darkest weeks had passed, finally forced Rama to wake up from his long dream. Sounds that were so foreign yet also familiar. Sounds that Rama thought would never exist again.

The man's room looked straight out onto the garden behind his house, which was overgrown with various types of flowers he had planted and cared for himself. It now looked messy but felt more natural. It looked fertile, but also withered if you looked much closer.

Amidst the lengthening grass, his friends and small family were there. Smiling again, running again, and chatting with each other without a burden after the long nights they had endured. Forcing the remaining calm for the sake of two small children who did not yet understand the harshness of the world.

"Aunty G! Bhumi wants to sing! Bhumi wants to sing!"

Bhumi seemed to keep following Gabriela wherever she went. Not wanting to be let go, not wanting to be taken by anyone, as if the two of them were a mother and a baby kangaroo, just like in Bhumi's favorite storybook.

"Want to sing? Wait a minute, Aunty G has to find it first... where's the guitar? Does Bhumi know where Aunty G's guitar is?" Gabriela talked to Bhumi so gently while bringing some fruit to the backyard with Luke, who laughed as he watched Gabriela and Bhumi's interaction behind them.

"Look, Ge. He's hugging your leg again like a little monkey. You should just take this kid back to Aussie. Let his dad get a headache," said Luke with an amused head shake.

"I would if I were allowed to," Gabriela said playfully as she picked the boy up and threw him into the air, making everyone's laughter echo as they heard Bhumi's cries for mercy. "Aunty's taking you to Aussie, okay, Bhumi. Do you want Aunty to take you? Want to go to Aussie with Aunty, hm?"

"I do. I want Aunty G," the boy said with his eyes closed. He hugged Gabriela's neck tightly with the last bits of his laughter and his breath coming in short gasps from being too happy.

"Do you want Aunty G or do you want to go with Aunty G?" Naura asked out of curiosity. She was chewing on a slice of melon that Billa and Rama's Mom had just cut; they had been just laughing and watching them all this time.

"I want Aunty G," he said with a toddler's voice that was still a little unclear.

Gabriela hugged him tightly. She inhaled the scent of baby powder and eucalyptus oil she had put on him after bathing Rama's first son earlier.

Gabriela's eyes looked at the small baby named Gaia, who was sleeping soundly inside the house, with mixed feelings. Gabriela could clearly see through the glass door that connected them; the innocent figure was soundly asleep with a pacifier hanging above the portable crib that had been carried back and forth since earlier.

Through his bedroom window, Rama watched it all with a suffocating feeling. The emptiness that had been in his heart was suddenly filled, overflowing, until he could no longer contain it. He gripped his bedroom window tightly. He bowed his head with tears that he tried to wipe away again and again.

Gabriela was out there hugging his son tightly. So strong, she replaced the presence of the Dad who was a mess. Gabriela's eyes didn't even want to be distracted from the small baby in his house who occasionally woke up for attention. Gabriela was always responsive, always ready for whatever was in front of her, as usual. She always knew how to carry herself and treat the people around her.

Always the same as before.

"I understand. Maybe we were already full with ourselves. Maybe our goals have been far different for a long time. Maybe the problem was with me, Al. So you lost your reasons to keep fighting for me. We don't know..."

Rama's memory of Gabriela during the last time of their eight-year relationship landed in his head. Spinning and besieging him all at once as if they were punishing him at the same time.

"...we never knew that humans are supposed to change."

"But I hope... I hope when you have found that missing piece—you can face me again. Face me before we truly finish everything properly. I hope that the time for us to think about everything on our own is only filled with the memories of the two of us."

"I hope in those times, we don't lose each other—especially to the point of finding different people who can fill the emptiness we created, Al."

"I'll give you the space you asked for. I'll give you as much time as you need... it's up to you. But I hope the space and time I give you will only be occupied by you alone, Al. I hope you will be like that."

But Gabriela's hope for him was just a hope because in the process, Rama lost himself, lost their memories, and lost everything he should have taken good care of.

Rama didn't get to meet Gabriela. He thought too much, questioned everything, tried every option of yes or no, until the empty space and time Gabriela left for him was slowly filled by a new person who completed Rama during his worst times. Filled by a person Rama thought was just a temporary escape, who for some reason suddenly went too far until Gabriela's figure, who was once within his sight, disappeared perfectly, replaced by that person.

It turned out..

It turned out that the distance created was what destroyed everything.

They might have needed space, they needed time to think. But a distance that was too wide... Maybe it was the distance that separated them that made everything worse.

Rama was unable to reach Gabriela when he most needed a figure to pat his back, who could say everything would be okay when the world he was in was completely shattered in the blink of an eye.

Or maybe it's because Gabriela wasn't his soulmate.

Not destined for each other. Like their jokes in their youth.

But why? Why after so long, after the belief Rama had planted in his heart, today that belief disappeared when Gabriela was in front of him to solve something that was not her responsibility.

What if Gabriela never actually disappeared from her original place? What if she was always there? Patiently waiting for Rama to come, even though the man she was always waiting for always passed her by in his bustling world?

"Rama? What's wrong with you, Rama?"

Luke came to call Rama out, but what he found was his friend crying loudly alone on the cold floor of his room.

"It's okay, Ram. Kaela's in a better place now. We're all gonna be here for you."

Rama looked at Luke with his red eyes. His heart ached so much. "Luke... Luke I think this is karma for me for hurting G."

"Ram..." Luke looked at him, unable to say anything else.

"G must have been so hurt that my karma is this cruel, Luke. She's even helping me take care of my kids with Kaela out there. She's so good even though it's not her responsibility at all."

Luke looked away. Helplessly staring at Rama, and listening to his complaints that disturbed his own little heart.

"If you already know, then you need to realize it and fix everything, Ram. You disappointed everyone, but we also all know that you were very happy with your small family. If you know your mistake... I'm asking you to get back on your feet now and take responsibility for your life choices," Luke swallowed with difficulty.

"Poor Gabriela. While we all have our own families as a place to come home to, when Gilang asked for her permission to get married last year, Gabriela didn't have many words. I saw that her eyes had no emotion at all every time we talked about marriage. Her disappointment was so big that she didn't even try to find a replacement for you, Ram."

Luke looked at his friend sadly. "So... I'm asking you to please let Gabriela go home to Aussie as soon as possible. She shouldn't be here for all of us. Let her be happy in a place that can make her happy. She deserves peace in her life after all this."

Rama rubbed his face. His head nodded quickly, nodding obediently, following Luke's request.

"You... are right."

Because Gabriela has suffered enough. Because she has gone too far past her own limits to come here and pull Rama out of his dark hole. Because she has sacrificed too much for something that should not have been her responsibility.

Therefore, she deserves to be sent home.

She deserves to be sent home to the place the woman considers her home. Which will hug her tightly from every bit of the heat and cold of the world outside.

Even if that home might never be as sturdy as most homes, even if that home is not as bright as other homes.

Even if it's not perfect... his Gabriela Catelina deserves to be sent home.