Half Way There

Hi, it's me. Aisli Howlens. Where to begin.. I guess this is just weird for me because I've never really told anyone more than just a snapshot of a memory whenever it was relevant. Funny thing about memories... They tend to fade, be forgotten, remembered wrong, or just plainly didn't happen. Because, sometimes, dreams can be so real that you feel like you've lived it. Or like you've already lived another life within the time you sleep. And who's to say that the dream wasn't your real life? What if your real life was actually the dream itself and you're asleep there now? Or maybe you became someone else and saw their life through their eyes for that moment? I guess that's why sometimes we dream: Deja Vu. Anyways, I guess you'd like me to start at the beginning. Because obviously you cannot start at where I'm at currently since this whole journal entry I'm writing for this competition is supposed to be about memories and what led me to where I am today. Plus stories don't usually start there. I mean, that's like staring at a wall waiting for a door to appear. This isn't cartoons and sadly, I'm not a bunny. Well, I can tell you that, elementary, was not my best years but I do sometimes miss it for the simple fact of being creative and my imagination along with being able to read and swept away by the main character and their life. It always felt so real that, when I stopped reading, I couldn't remember where I was or what I was doing before that. Lol! I'd lose myself in books all the time, so much so that my teachers would write that I was quiet, shy, and a good student but that I read too much during class. Teachers! How dare they when reading books is technically being a good student as well. I was college-level reading by the time of 6th grade! So, jokes on them. I've faltered from my English and writing skills a bit though from sports and more, so if this journal entry is messy?... I digress.  I remembered being moved around a bit, not as much as my sister remembers but. I was too young to experience the loss of friends I had when we moved when she experienced it every time. I also thought they'd never stay my friends anyway. I mean, when I was 'bullied' or someone would say something upsetting, I usually kept quiet anyway so I'm sure it 'looked' like it didn't bother me or I didn't show emotion, but I have always been an emotional kid. I just took being emotional as a sign of weakness since I grew up slightly with 3 older brothers and an older sister that has always been tough as nails. Even now, certain words still trigger me because I'd believe them. Heck, I believed even my sister when she told me I was adopted because I had red hair and my parents and sister didn't. Of course, they are my real parents but I found out my sister was only my half sister and later figured out the boys who came over every once in awhile that were evil to me at the time were my half brothers. It's all very confusing so I didn't understand much of this until I was about 10 or 11. Almost teenage years. THAT'S how long it took me. Lordy. I wonder if that's why no one takes me seriously or sees me as an adult now? Because I'm the youngest and still kind of get energized and how I talk. I always have felt everyone misunderstood me or couldn't understand what I meant when I talked.. Caifornia, Oregon, Texas, Florida, and Oklahoma. Those are the states I lived in and moved around in before I was 7 years old. Some of those we moved a few times to in between other states, so it wasn't just that we moved 5 times before I was 7 and after I was born. It was more than that. One memory that I do enjoy and it's only a small snippet: I believe it was Oregon that we were moving from but we passed through mountains that were so pretty! There was a sunset to my left after we passed by the mountains and there was a cliff on the left that dropped down into greenery. It was so green and vibrant! When I looked at the horizon, I just smiled. I felt completely immersed into bliss. We were on a road that winded around the mountains so it was gone within a blink, but for that one moment? It was perfection.  I still strive to reach that moment constantly still to this day.  That feeling...