My Husband Or My Mate

CHAPTER 006

“Fine. I won’t go back there.” I agree. My thoughts are conflicting with each other as I stand up, “I’ll go wash up now.”

“Wait.” He calls and looks uncomfortable for a moment. “Did… did the Alpha tell you something?”

My brows furrow. “Like what?”

“What did you talk about with him?”

“He—“ I pause, nervous. I can’t probably say we talked about how I was supposed to divorce him, “He wanted to know more about what I discovered from the file yesterday.”

“Oh,”

“I won’t ever go back to the pack house, Ryan. So you don’t have to worry about me.”

He gives me a smile that looks forced, while I head into the washroom and soak myself in the bathtub. I trY smelling my skin, wondering if I’d smell the Alpha’s scent on me. I can’t help but remember what he smells like. Mint and wood. Relaxing and fresh. I close my eyes as I recall it, and my thoughts wander to the kiss we had briefly. I swallow hard, remembering what he tasted like and craving for it all over again.

The way he touched me, the way he kissed me.

“Damn it, Dina!” I curse out furiously, knowing my wolf was projecting those thoughts to me.

I see her shrug in her corner, feeling as if she’d achieved something. “Give it up. We both know that you’ll never be able to fight the mate bond.”

“I can fight it if I never have to see him again.”

“And you think our mate won’t come to find you? You think he’ll give up?”

“He’ll be left with no choice after I reject him.”

“You’re going to reject our true mate for a chosen one?” she sounds heartbroken as she says this.

“Dina, the Alpha is not a good man. You’ve heard everything Ryan said about him. He is dangerous. What if he doesn’t treat us well after I divorce Ryan?”

“You don’t know him yet. You can’t just believe Ryan’s words. Besides, who talks such trash about his Alpha like that? What a scumbag.”

Dina is beginning to hate Ryan, and that is not good. She probably now sees him as an obstacle blocking me from being with our mate.

I sigh and get out of the tub to dry my body. When I step out of the washroom, Ryan is on his phone, smiling. I’ve never seen him smile recently so I wonder what it’s all about.

“Ryan, I forgot to tell you. We should stop by mother’s grave later this week.”

He raised a brow. “For what?”

I can’t believe he already forgot the date. “It’s her death anniversary, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right.” He looks like he was calculating and finally remembers. “It’s on the last day of the week, isn’t it?” he gives me a smile and open his arms, “Come here.”

I look at him with surprise. Ryan doesn’t remember my mother’s death? If anyone is supposed to remember, it has to be him because she went through so much to take care of him after his mother abandoned him at our place. I can’t help the scoff that leaves my lips. I suddenly cannot stand being in his presence so I grab a few pillows and storm out of the room.

Ryan actually follows me this time. He grabs and stops me when I get to the living room, pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry, Leila. It’s terrible of me to have forgotten such an important day. But I remember now. It’s tomorrow. Mother’s death anniversary is tomorrow.”

I wait until Ryan finally releases me. My heart is beating fast as I turn around to look at his guilt stricken face. “Sorry is not going to cut it this time, Ryan. You’ve been acting really weird for the past few months.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about?” I can’t believe him. “How could you forget Mom’s day of all days? Do you even remember my birthday is in a month? When was the last time we had a real conversation? When was the last time you try to hold me, or kiss me? When was the last time you made love to me, Ryan?”

“Leila—“

‘Answer me!”

“Calm down, Leila.” For the first time since our marriage, Ryan raises his voice at me. “I’ve explained it to you countless times. If you want me to make love to you right now then I will.” He starts to unbutton his shirt and I panic, taking a step back, “Even though my body feels weak right now from overwork, I can still go a few rounds with you if that’s what you want.”

Disappointment flickers through my eyes. That is not what I meant. He makes it seem as if I am this horny woman who has never left him alone, but the truth is I have been patient. I have been trying to understand him and it’s becoming too much. I can no longer take it in silence.

“Are you afraid now?” he asks, his shirt finally coming off. I can’t help taking a few steps back. How did a simple question turn into this?

Ryan grabs me, and crashed his lips into mine, kissing me roughly, deeply. I can’t breathe. I struggle against him but it’s futile. Our strengths don’t match. He pushes me into the sofa and I try to run but he catches me and straddles me, kissing my neck. I fight him, I claw at his arms, and face and finally struck him hard.

He pauses for a second, as if he is coming back to his senses again. Regret instantly fills his eyes when he sees what he has done.

“Leila—“

I push him away from me, wiping the tears from my eyes as I run into one of the guest rooms. Ryan runs after me, banging on the closed door but I just sit there, crying. It feels as if someone is stabbing into my heart.

“Leila I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, please forgive me. Leila…”

I don’t answer. It goes quiet after a while. I don’t even bother to switch on the lights. I find the bed and buried myself under the sheets. I can’t remember how I fall asleep but I have dried up tear stains on my face when I woke. I take a deep breath, trying not to remember last night as I washed.

And when I step out of the room, I am surprised to meet Ryan, on his knees. He looks as if he’s been like that the whole night. I don’t feel anything. I walk past him to head into the kitchen, but Ryan grabs my leg. I feel his warm tears on my legs as he tells me.

“I’m sorry.” He pleads, voice cracking, but I’m not ready to forgive him so I push him away and get in the kitchen to prepare breakfast for myself. Maybe it was for all the crying, I feel hungry, and empty. I feel as if I could finish three bowls of food in one sitting. Ryan is following me around like a stubborn fly that keeps coming back even after getting swatted away.

Just then, a knock sounds on the door. I frown, staring at the closed door, hoping it’s not what I think. No one usually knocks, no one usually comes here except for Ryan and I, but lately…

Ryan leaves to get the door, and I follow behind him as he opens it. It’s a familiar face that greets us. The one that was here just yesterday to take me to dinner with the Alpha. I think he is the gamma of the pack.

“Torren?” Ryan calls, frowning. “What are you doing here?”

Torren’s gaze only moves to hold mine. I have a bad feeling when I see the envelope he is holding. It’s carrying the Alpha’s seal. I know in that moment that he is here for me and it cannot be for anything good.

I watch with my heart pounding heavily in my chest as he hands the envelope over to Ryan.