Mate I never wanted

Even the prince fail sometimes

Vivian

Even without looking at him, I could feel that the memories this place was bringing up were not good ones.

"At first when I was running, I did not know where I was going."

Guilt for hurting him started to rise in my chest.

"Lucien, I'm so sorry..."

But he stopped me before I could say anything else.

"No, it's okay. It is partly my fault for accusing you of things right out of a sudden."

He said, and I could not help, but I felt my cheeks go red.

"I just knew that I needed to run, and I guess my instincts took over, and I ran to the place I used to hide before."

The need to ask questions was burning in my chest, but I knew better than to say anything. I had to let him tell me things at his own pace. He was not used to talking about stuff like that, and I would only overwhelm him with my questions.

"The first time I came to this station was for my own exams. They... they were difficult, especially because I was so young and my powers were so unstable."

He went quiet for a moment as it was clear that he was lost in thoughts.

"Hell, I had no business taking those tests at that time in the first place, but it was expected of me. So I did it. My father even came to the first few. It was mostly because that was expected of him, and it was good publicity, but still, it was the first time in a very long time that he showed any interest in me."

As he was talking he kept looking out the window in front of us, but I knew that he was not seeing anything out there, he was reliving those moments as he was talking about them.

"I remember how excited I was. This was the time that I would show the emperor how strong I became, and I was not the disappointment he believed me to be."

Even without the bond, I could feel the pain of his father's disappointment. It was noticeable in each word, in each pause he made as he was telling his story. My heart broke for the teenager Lucien, who just wanted his father to care about him.

"How stupid of me to think that how I did in these tests would change anything. The saddest part was that I really tried to be perfect in each test and got almost perfect scores in each of them... but they were that... just almost perfect and not perfect... never perfect... never good enough."

My mind wandered to the record bords and he was right. Sure, he had the top score in all the exams he took, but it was not the perfect hundred.

"Each time I got a ninety-nine. A score that everyone was so shocked that I could get and everyone else would be thrilled to get. I would see the disappointment in his eyes. Each time he would invite me to discuss what I did wrong, right in front of all of his generals."

He put the discuss in air quotations and I could feel the hatred to that word he felt.

"He would point out each mistake I made and how stupid I was to make them. It was so embarrassing and humiliating to just stand there and listen to him talk about what a failure I was. Hell, half of the generals in the room only had pity in their eyes for me."

My stomach turned as the image of the younger version of Lucien standing in the room, getting scolded, surrounded by complete strangers, who did not have the guts to step up for the found boy.

"After each time I failed, all I wanted to do was cry, and so I would run to do it in private. Stars only know what he would have done to me if I dared to do something so stupid as to shed a tear in front of him and his generals."

My heart broke with each word he said.

"One time I was just running without a clear direction in mind and somehow, I ended up in this room. At first, I did not see where I was as tears clouded my vision, but when they finally died down, and I could see clearly, I saw this. The open space in front of me... it made me realize one thing, and it was that, at the current moment, the reason for my tears did not really matter in the big picture. The insignificance of the moment and my father's disappointment in the grand scheme of our universe made me feel a lot better. At the same time, while looking out there, all I could think of was the endless opportunities that awaited me out there. I just had to survive the current moment."

The hope in his voice made me smile as I looked out the same window that baby Lucien used to look at.

"There were still so many chances to prove my worth to him and I know that one of the things I will do, it will prove to him that I am worthy of being his son and his successor. I haven't found it yet, but I know that one day I will do something to make him acknowledge me as his equal."

The hope in his voice was really inspiring, and I felt our bond tingle with hope and love.

One realization hit me way too hard for my liking, because only now did I notice how much I had let my guard down around him.

Shit.

I completely forgot to keep my space and our emotions separate, but I guess the pain I caused him, mixed with him opening up about his past, pushed the right buttons and I felt my feeling towards him grow.

Shit.

There is no going around it, I need to stop this right now, before it. It gets way too serious, and I will really get hurt when it's time for us to separate. At this point, there is no denying the fact that it will already rarely hurt when the time for him to leave comes, but I need to stop my feelings from growing... because if they become even bigger, I know that I will not survive it.

If his story showed one thing about him, it was that he was still seeking his father's approval and I was not going to get him that... hell I am sure that it would be the complete opposite. If, for some stupid reason, he really decided to mate with me, it would make him destroy him in his father's eyes. I was the worst choice for him if he was seeking his father's approval. I am nothing more than a commoner with no family to my name... hell even no more money to it as well.

With those thoughts I felt myself drift away once again. This time I did not really feel at ease as I did before, but I had a clear goal ahead of me, even if it made my soul cry even thinking about it, but I chose to ignore that little thing.

My dreams were filled with sad little fox boys and ruthless fathers scolding them,

When I woke up in the morning, I realized that I was alone once again.

I no longer felt Lucien's warm body next to mine and from the smell in the room, I knew that for a while I would not feel it anymore.

The scent in the room did not belong to my silver-haired fox, but to the ninth prince, and he would rather die than to ask me to hold him. But I guess it is good that the ninth prince is back, it will make all this so much easier.

I picked up my phone and saw that there were five notifications waiting for me.