Regret the kiss
1352 Words
Nicolle:
Alex is silent and just looking at the road. He looks like a statue. It's already noon and I am hungry. I am in need of a restroom as well, but he is behaving as if I am invisible. I can't bear his ignorance and it pained me so much. Maybe Mrs. Jones was wrong.
Does he regret our kiss this much?
I don't want him to see my tears and my feelings, so I just rested my face on the window and allowed my tears to flow. I don’t want his sympathy. He already gave his name to this child. I don’t need his pity any more.
I played the music so he could not hear my sobbing. Why didn't I control myself yesterday night? We were talking so freely. Finally, we were becoming friends. But I had to ruin everything.
It's 2 or 3 o'clock and I am feeling nauseous. I think it's because I have an empty stomach. I didn't want to disturb Alex, but I can't control anymore.
"Alex, can you please stop the car?"
Alex:
I don't want to think about anything. I don’t want to look at her because all I can think about is the kiss. How I kissed her lips, her neck, how she pulled my hair, how I felt her hand when she was touching me.
God I am going crazy thinking about it, and Nicolle is just unaffected. She is looking outside the window and is not even looking at me. She has played some songs, but can't hear what my eyes are saying.
Does she regret our kiss this much?
And it’s not her fault if she does. Who can like me? I am a workaholic. I leave at 7 and come back at 10. I hardly talk to anyone and live a secret life inside my library. I am rude to my siblings and Mrs. Colton.
Of course, no one knows the truth, but it’s not like she can’t ask. I mean I might have told her something if she asked. But how could she. I fought with her so badly the day she tried to open my library.
But why didn’t she ask me before opening. If she had just asked, I might have told her something. Not on the first try though. But it’s not like I don’t want someone to share my pain. But why would she? She just wants to leave me.
Suddenly she asked me to stop the car. I looked at her and immediately parked the car on the side. Before I could even un-buckle myself, she opened the door and threw up.
I quickly went to her side, and it was just water. I looked at my watch, and s**t, it was 3 in the evening. She was hungry all this time. She didn't eat anything, and I was being such a jerk. I didn't even ask if she wanted to eat something or even drink water. Her medications, nothing I just cared for nothing.
She washed her face with water and told me she is ok now. I looked at her and she was avoiding my eyes. I felt something was wrong, her voice was hoarse. So, I held her chin and pulled her face towards me.
Her eyes, all red. She was crying all the time. She was f*****g crying, sitting next to me, for the last 5 hours, and I didn't even notice? I didn't ask her for food or water or restroom for god's sake.
"F**k Alex." I cursed myself and placed my hands on my face. I walked a few steps away from the car as I needed some air.
I am such a selfish man. I returned back to my car and pulled my mobile. We were halfway from Fresno.
"I am booking a flight from here to Fresno. I don't think I am qualified to take care of you." I quickly called the flight booking agency and started giving our information.
Suddenly I felt someone snatching my phone and it was Nicolle. She immediately disconnected the call.
"Why did you?" I couldn't continue. She was crying and I was breaking inside seeing her like this. I wanted to hurt myself for causing these tears.
"We are not going on a plane, that's final."
"Ok, then hire a driver. Clearly you can't travel with me. You obviously need someone who can care for you. And I am NOT that someone." I shouted.
"Who are you to decide?'' She was calm, but her tears were flowing continuously.
"Don't do this Nicolle.” I ran my hands through my hair. I am a mess. “You know very well what I mean. I messed up pretty bad, Ok. What happened last night should not have happened. Please go to California and live a good life there with your kid. You will be much better there. What happened last night cannot happen again. And for that I need to stay away from you. F**k, you need to stay away from me. I am a pervert. You should not come near to a jerk like me."
I was shouting and I don't know why. "We are travelling for 5 hours, and I didn't even ask you for food, water, did not stop for a break., You must be tired, hungry, sleepy, or sick. You were crying and I didn't notice. You want to know what I am good at?”
I went dangerously close to her. I think I scared her. “Taking advantage of you when you were scared. Kissing you..."
I slammed my hand on the car and because of the bruises last night, a pain shoot through my hand. I wanted to hurt myself again. Before I could hit again, Nicolle held my hand.
"Stop it Alex, just stop it.” She was furious. And for the first time I could see that the tears were showing her anger. She was definitely angry about last night. She should be. I know I am.
"I am sorry, I just didn't know how to react. All I know is I can promise this won’t happen again." I said with a firm tone. I am serious. I won’t let myself loose again. Not when I know she wants to go as far as she can from me.
“You really mean that, Huh?” She had to ask for it. Great, she just confirmed that she is thinking exactly what I thought she was thinking. She never wanted it. I was a fool to imagine my life with her and the kid. Our kid, I laughed at myself. Good game life, good game. You win again. But I have to show that this doesn’t affect me. I don’t want her to think that I want more than this. Not s*x of course. I wanted more of this, our friendship.
“Yes, I mean it. It won’t happen again. Last night was a mistake and I will make sure I don’t repeat it." I paused for few seconds. 'Do you still want to give this friendship another chance?”
I am trading on thin ice. What if she says no. I don’t think I can hear a no at this point. But I hope she agrees. Well, even if she doesn’t, I will only have to live with another wound for 7 years. After that, I will be free to say goodbye to this miserable life, as promised. I think it’s good too. She will never know about my scars then. That was the reason I pulled myself last night, right?
"Good, So Mr. Alex can we now continue? and please stop for a restroom. I have been holding it for so long."
"I am Sorry. I will try to be a better friend."
"Thanks." She sat in the passenger seat, and I started driving.
- Writer
