Let's end this
1288 Words
Nicolle:
"Are you OK Nicolle"
"Yes."
"Please say something, please talk to us."
"No."
"Did you hear what I "
"Yes". I interrupted Emma because I heard her loud and clear. I am pregnant. There is only one thing I can do now.
I stood up quietly and went to restroom. Great, there was no cleaner or roach killer in bathroom. Mom removed them all. Its ok, there are other ways.
"I want to go for a walk, will you come with me Emma."
She was surprised as I spoke after nearly 2 months. I was dead body. Everyday I had to go for shower and see my scars. I stopped thinking about anything. Wake up, eat, watch TV, eat sleep. This was the only thing I was doing since the incident. But now, I can't continue like this. I can't bring a life in this world when I know I will hate this child. This is his blood and I can't tolerate it inside me. And there is nothing in this world that can stop me.
Emma took me to a nearby park. We were sitting on a bench and she started to talk to me like she always does. But I am not listening. I don't even want to think about anything else. I was just sitting there, trying to find a way.
"Emma, Can you please bring me a Oreo shake. I would like to have one." I asked her as soon as we reached home.
She didn't want to leave me alone, but the way I asked her, she smiled and asked me to wait inside while she get the shake. This is what I wanted.
I immediately went inside and looked for my Mom. She was not here as she assumed I was with Emma, which means I am alone at home. I locked the front door and all windows. I searched for knife, but my Mom was good at hiding. She knew me too well.
I went to the garage and took gasoline out of the car. Suddenly I felt someone knocking on the door. I cant stop now. Its now or never. I could hear a lot of noises outside, screaming, asking me to open the door. No, I am not backing out now.
Finally I soaked myself with gasoline and went to kitchen. I was about to turn on the flame when I heard glass breaking. I turned around and found him.
Alex:
I can not relax, its 2 in the night and I am still tossing in my bed. Sleep 100 miles away from me. No, I cant run forever. I need to do something, but what can I do. I can go there and try to investigate with Police about who did this. I can use my influence to gather some information. I can at least force the teachers/janitor to clear Nicolle's name from drug incident.
I booked first flight in the morning and stood up to pack my bag. I will still need to complete my CEO responsibilities, so I sent few mails and left for Fresno, California.
I reached there in noon and the the first thing I did was to call Emma. She told me they are at a park and I decided to meet Nicolle there only. When I reached there, I got Emma's call that she left Nicolle at her home and went out to take shake. I left for her home.
I saw Aunt Serena, Nicolle's Mom knocking the door vigorously. It took me a second, but then I understood. Nicolle was trying to do something stupid. I rushed to the front door, and tried to open it. It didn't work, so I didn't waste my time and looked for a window in living room and smashed it.
Nicolle was standing in the kitchen and was trying to ignite the burner. I smelled gasoline.
"Nicolle. What are you doing?"
She turned around but didn't say anything.
"Nicolle, step away from burner, please" I walked towards her. She moved closer to burner with a warning in her eyes, indicating that if I move further, she will ignite it. I stopped immediately, and raised my both hands, as if surrendering.
"Ok, I am not moving, but please step away from that thing. Your Mom is outside, please think about her."
She didn't say anything, so I stepped to left side, not towards her, in fact away from her. I was trying to talk to her and at the same time moving away from her. The moment I reached the gasoline container, I poured it on myself and jumped towards Nicolle, closing the distance between us.
I was fast, so she didn't have time to think what I was doing. By the time she could compile what's happening, I was standing next to her. Damn, she was not like this. She was so sharp but now she took so long to understand what's happening around her.
"Please don't ignite the burner."
"Why do you care."
"Yes, that's true. I don't care, but people outside care about you."
"I cant bring a child in this world and hate him/her. I will never love this child.
I felt a stabbing pain in my heart, as if someone poked a sword in my chest and opened up a wound.
"This is your kid Nicolle. You will love him. How can a mother say this about her child. He is your blood, born out of you for God sake. He is yours."
"He is not mine and that's why I want to end this forever."
"Ok, Fine Do it. I am also very much troubled in my life. I lost so much and still losing. Let's do it. Ignite the burner and end both of our misery." I know I was saying all this to distract her, but the words were true. I was really tired of losing, tired of living. I wanted to end everything as well. The only thing kept me sane was a promise I made to someone and I don't know what I will do in my life once that is done.
She blinked for a moment and that's what I needed. I quickly snatched the lighter from her hand, and hold her tight. She tried hard to break free, but I didn't leave her. She used all her nails, and bit me. It was nothing compared to the pain I had in my heart, so I felt nothing. With her struggling, I moved towards the door.
I was trying to open the lock when she fainted in my arms. I quickly opened the door and took her to my car. Uncle Leo, Emma and few others were shocked to see us soaked in gasoline.
I didn't care about anything and took her to Dr. Sia.
"I knew this will happen. She is losing this war everyday. I don't know Uncle how will be bring her out of this." Dr. Sia said with a sigh and I saw disappointment on uncle and aunt face. This was the exact hospital where I brought her that time. All the memories came flooding back.
I could see only one solution and I know what I need to do. I don't know why I am doing this. Is it because I am afraid she will try to end her life again if she is alone, or I don't want to see another Alex, who feels all alone in the world. May be I don't want her child to feel unwanted when he/she is born, the way I felt all these years, craving for love.
Having both parents will let him/her have a normal life, which I could never get.
- Writer
