More Words To Say Sorry

I cry for love knowing my love for him is not worthy.... as our childhood stay in different age I am much older to him, he's younger to me. we're good friends. we last night's in to night having particular conversation. it's my fault knowing I intended to like him. but I was confused because his my friend. at time goes we grow in maturity. people don't mind us knowing we are good friends. but it hurt me most lying inside myself for him. we discussed if we're getting to find girls to our wife. I answered yes why not. a sound of a lonely wolf crying at night. as day goes bye it's more asking of my feeling seeing and waiting to more that I be contented for him. like having him by my side. sleeping together. eating at same meals. taking a bath at same time. this all I ask for him. why is that God can't give me what I ask for him... is that true that every person of like me is a sinner. so the plate go down alone washing at the chair is still on the top of my table. my glass is dry that put a plant on and it will grow. by all means I hurt so bad that I can't if I can killed some one. but I will not tolerate my self for being that way. a day of one day seeing him with a girl, I ask my self that may be it's time I drop out and give him respect as respectful man. I decided to play along with being friend of him to get even and know more facts and admitting that I am so dumb suffering to have an attention for him, letting him to realize that we been friends before she came to him. I was so denial to see the facts of him knowing to the girl and all of his Sweetness and Love and Kindness to the girl. hard so hard...so dumb of me. on the next day I came of an idea to go with my parents in Tacloban, Leyte in Philippines. I stay for a couple of months just to face reality of being me without him. and hoping to fix my self dying inside to the friend I love. I write a message to him about me here in Tacloban, Leyte and not knowing if ever I get back to San Pedro Laguna in Philippines. he said why. I answered because I felt hurt about you and the girl you love. I admit to him that I love him. I want to be us. I needed his body. he what. then he cannot believe it. so I was confused that now he knows and I am sorry I said and pls. forgive me for hiding my feeling to him. now I realized that I have to fix my life and move on. the phone was turn off that I almost crying knowing he understands me. this i swear to my life I will never do such foolish things again. I will never love him because my parents give me life that born in man body. I am not a girl. two months exactly returning here in Manila, San Pedro Laguna which my past is empty and my personality is broken. after two months of staying here in Tacloban, Leyte I am finally going back to San Pedro Laguna. here I am in San Pedro Laguna, so quiet, so silence, even us.... we greet, we nub and we say goodbye. it's almost end of me being what I hope for us. I even not considered him a friend anymore and most avoiding him totally true. I searched a girl that was meant for me. I discussed my past about the of which hurts me and turn me to gay. I never lie to the girl now I was happy that I almost ask her to marry me. she said yes. so we get married from civil west and church. I was happy for me satisfied on her having s*x with the woman I love and been married.