Sweet Charity

JoAnna: Chapter 4: Losing My Baby?

I sneak into Charity's room just to watch her sleep. I haven't done this in what feels like ages. I've done it every night since she started sleeping by herself. She was maybe two years old when she started sleeping in a 'big girl' bed. I remember she had said she wanted to be a big girl. Gregory and I had taken her to the store and let her pick out her new bed and sheets. She was very excited to grow up.

Now, it feels like she is going to be starting a new life and she won't need me. My heart feels heavy in my chest; like it may break soon. I gently touch her cheeks. She's so peaceful while she sleeps. I lean over and kiss her forehead. She stirs slightly but sleeps through my affections. I turn to see my husband standing in the doorway. I motion him into the hallway before slipping quietly from the room.

"You're a big softie for that girl," he says.

"I know. I can't help it."

Gregory wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "Do you think she's happy?"

"I know in my heart she is. We did raise her very well, even if we weren't around much. We were here when she needed us. I just feel like she's been so independent for so long."

"She has and she hasn't," he assures me. "She has always needed us in her own way."

I smile at his words. He isn't wrong. I nuzzle into the crook where his neck and his shoulder meet. "You know I love it when you're smart," I say.

He laughs at my comment. He starts to kiss my neck. "Well, babe, let's go to the bedroom so I can be really smart."

I've been married to him for twenty years and he still knows all the right ways to excite me. "Before we do that, I need to tell you something. When we go to wherever Charity's pack is, I no longer want to work two jobs and be away for so long."

"What the hell took you so long to decide that?" he asks as he scoops me into his arms and carries me to our bed.

****The next morning****

I wake up at five in the morning and I am starving. Gregory loves so vigorously that I sleep so soundly. I don't want to wake him. I tiptoe out of our bedroom. Trying to be quiet is exhausting, but I make it into the hallway.

I sigh as those thoughts come again. Some days I get overwhelmed thinking I would have loved to give Charity siblings, but it wasn't in the cards for us. My heart aches again as I go through the memories.

I met Gregory about a week after I graduated high school. He was a delivery driver that delivered water jugs to my job. I thought he was so handsome. I told him I liked his bright blue eyes and his easy smile. He asked me out for a date. Best decision I ever made. We went to a movie and took a walk in the park. From that moment, he was like my drug. I just couldn't get enough of his time. I felt like the feeling was mutual.

We married within six months of our first date. We had so much in common. Still do. We wanted nothing more than to have a family. We tried. Oh how we tried! The problem we faced was due to a car accident that I had been in the year before we met. I was in the backseat of my parents' car when we were hit on the side by a drunk driver. A chunk of metal sliced through my hip and severed one of my fallopian tubes. I had to have it removed along with my ovary on my right side.

After our second year of marriage, Gregory took me to a doctor. We were told there was too much scarring in my uterus where my ovary and fallopian tube had been removed that it would be too painful if I carried a child. After a long discussion, it was decided that I would have everything removed. Our dreams of having a family appeared to be trashed.

Gregory was so supportive while I cried my eyes out over my broken dreams. He would always bring me gifts or take me out. Despite his efforts, I felt incomplete for years. I know it hurt him to see me that way. I slowly started to heal in my heart. That's when we met the Moon Goddess.

It was a month before our fifth anniversary. She was visiting our coven to tell us about which wolf packs we were close to. She was wonderful. We became instant friends. She would come every week to see me. Every time she did, we would talk for hours. It was while she was visiting that Charity's mother - heavily pregnant at the time - came to us. She told us of rogues coming. From what she said, I gathered rogues were worse than any creature I had ever heard about.

Charity was born on our anniversary. We had a coven meeting the day after. The Moon Goddess was there with a tiny infant. I took one look at her face and I knew that I would do whatever it took to keep her safe; I would give my life to watch her grow up. I could see every aspect of her life in my mind.

I did just that. I watched her grow. I helped her take her first steps and say her first words. I taught her to read and write. I cried her first day of school. Charity was the greatest gift I ever received.

However, today is bittersweet. Given that she's shifted, I feel like I have to give her back to her pack. The Moon Goddess has told us we could go with her to her pack's home; that we would be welcomed. I have my doubts.

Charity is already awake and eating breakfast when I get to the kitchen to make coffee. She smiles widely at me. My heart aches a bit.

"What are you eating, sweetness?"

"Frozen waffle. Not as good as yours, but I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh, yucky. How about I make some scrambled eggs and toast?"

"That would be much better, mom," she says, pushing her plate aside. "First, you have your coffee."

When did my sweet baby get so grown up and smart? Did I miss it? I look over at her and I watch her transition in my mind. She went from baby to a young woman in a flash.