TO KILL IS TO SERVE

Chapter 29: The Truth (2)

I have reached my condo after hours of circling around the town full of people. I did not f*****g do it to enjoy my time, in fact, I am impatient to go home right away because I want to open the letter now, but I can’t and I didn’t find a chance until a bus accident.

“If there weren’t an accident, I would end up not going home and splash blood some-f*****g-where.” I muttered to myself as I remove my disguise materials from head to toe after locking the door. I exhaled deeply and lied on my bed, with a wide grin plastered on my face. “I never thought the day that I would be f*****g tailed will come.” I mumbled and exhaled loudly.

After resting for a bit, I have decided to open the letter and dissect whatever it is that’s written; for this letter would be one of the greatest puzzle piece yet to fit in this big empty board. According to what I have gathered so far, Hanie killed herself a year ago and Alora claimed that she’s the reason. Manasseh knew something but he never liked it whenever Alora admits by herself that she’s Hanie’s murderer. The fact that Mister Kenshin Park isn’t Hanie’s biological father doesn’t give enough shape to fit in this board yet so it’s not of any help as of now. What I am eager to know is why Alora is blaming herself. And why is Alora so freaking angry with me when I kind of assumed that she’s a murderer?

What the f**k is the plot twist of this story that’s been happening for the last two weeks already? It just doesn’t make any f*****g sense.

Hello, my beloved Alon,

“They both call her Alon.” I muttered as I read the letter’s first line. As expected of an emotional genius, her handwriting’s almost random scribble. I can’t probably understand all of this but I’ll trust my out-of-this world instincts of some illegible words.

I hope this letter find you well. Are you doing fine? You know I want nothing but all the best for you, right? I have been a very competent person ever since we’re young and who knew I would end up eating needles just to end all this pain? I’m sorry. I must’ve hurt you. I must’ve made you feel terrible and painful because of my death. Even in my last breath, I still caused nothing but pure insanity for you, right? I hope you forgive me and also, yourself.

First off, I would like to say I’m happy for the both of you. Who would’ve imagined the two of you like each other? I never knew or noticed. I’m sorry for being dense. Also, I used wonder how it feels but nah, it’s only out of curiosity. I know my boundaries… I think?

“What a bitch.” I chuckled as I read. She obviously wanted Manasseh for herself and writing it like this would definitely cause more impact to Alora. “Really, what a b***h. Not being able to tell that your f*****g bestie is in love is not a f*****g friendship.” I rolled my eyes and exhaled thought my nose and continued reading.

I am sorry, Alon. I am sorry but this letter is a letter produced by pain and heartbreak. I’ve been crying since I’ve heard those words from you. I am terribly hurt, Alon. I am so hurt, but everything should be fine when you’re already reading this letter. You can think that my pain got digested as the pills inside of me. That would be funny—right?

“Seriously?” I groaned in frustration and tossed the paper on my bed with a crumpled forehead. “I cannot take it anymore. Aside from her obviously shitty personality, her handwriting sucks too. No, I am not—” I looked at the letter lying on my bed, seducing the f**k on me. “Kidding. I need to know the truth.” I mumbled in defeat and started reading again by scanning the parts I’ve already read and continuing the latter.

Alon, Alon, dear Alon, do you remember that day, still? When you told me that I should go die because I have taken too much from you already? Because I have everything? Do you remember how hard you were crying? I know you didn’t mean it. I believe you only said it because you’re also in pain and that you cannot let Manasseh go. I understand. I really do. I am sorry for asking you terrible things. I shouldn’t have tried to ask you about letting him go, right? I know, it’s my insensitivity.

I paused and looked up, unnecessarily imagining the scenario inside my head. “Well, it probably went like this,” I mumbled to myself and raised my right index finger.

I imagined Alora standing in front of Manasseh, as they both face Hanie, tearing up. This time, Hanie had already known that both her friends liked each other, so as someone who’s used to be getting what she wanted and reaching places she aimed for, she most certainly said something like ‘can you please, please give Manasseh to me?’  I nodded to myself as I agree to my own imagination. “Alora probably,” of course her eyes widened in surprise, however, instead of what she always does—giving up everything for Hanie, she would’ve thought that letting Hanie have that ugly boy would mean giving up her last pride, so she surely mindlessly said, ‘no, you have everything I wanted and you’re in places I wanted to be, so don’t take anything from me anymore’. I held my chin and nodded again. “I suppose Hanie was struck and Manasseh felt f*****g precious that time. Then, Hanie,” she most probably cried in front of them, and yelled that Alora—or no, not yell, but uttered. She uttered that Alora is a cruel friend and Alora answered by ‘I have been seeing you taking everything from me. Why don’t you disappear from my sight by dying?’ I chuckled and shook my head as I remember how timid Alora looked the first time I saw her. I wonder if someone looking like that can really say such words.

But I also hope you really didn’t mean to say such thing. You know I lived for and because of you. I am hurt but I love you more than this pain. I never took anything away from you and I am sorry if you arrived in that conclusion. It’s just that… I want you to be proud of me, Alon. If I know the things you said you wanted to know and learn the things you wanted to learn, you will be proud of me, right? I hoped for you to be.

I love you, girl.

“Ah, the scenarios I thought of could be wrong at some angle.” I nodded when I understood Hanie’s intention. She’s just a young woman who felt love for the first time, of course she wanted to seize and enjoy it.

And before I end this letter, I would like to tell you the real reason of why I have decided to go with the wind. Alon,

I blinked in blankness and flipped the paper once, twice and thrice, but there really is no continuation at all. “What the f**k?” I pursed my lips and stared at the last line. “Is Hanie saying that Alon is the real reason? No, it seemed like she’s calling Alon instead of declaring her name as the reason.” I concluded and traced the lower part of the paper. It looked tore. I thought and crumpled my forehead as I stare. Did someone tear the lower page? Would Alora do that? I groaned while thinking of reasons.

I paused for a while as I let the letter sink into my mind and after a few second, my face soured and I grumbled in whatever I just discovered. So, is this it? Is this the f*****g plot twist I have been investigating for the last f*****g weeks? I held my temple and massaged it slowly. Alora telling Hanie to commit suicide is the reason why she cannot move on and kept on claiming to be a murderer? Is this f*****g it, for f**k’s sake? I lost valuable sleep, paid an art workshop while learning nothing, got into trouble twice or thrice, spent money hiring an assassin and endured the f*****g times Alora disrespected me. I kept a charming face for this plot twist? I f*****g got hired for this reason? “I am so pissed to the goddamn hell.” I gritted by teeth as I utter. And now I am even getting f*****g stalked!

Mister Park deserves to die in my hands. But before I decide about that, I would deal with this annoying prick who’s been stalking me. Although I cannot see him, I know myself he’s within my vicinity. If I catch you, wish you don’t know hell.