All the Boys I've Loved

The first time Ella kissed her best friend Michael Ledger was on the hot July afternoon of her 16th birthday.   She was up in the treehouse that her dad had built for her before he passed and her mother remarried the devil in the form of a mobster named Dominic Marino.  The treehouse was her sanctuary whenever her stepfather was around.  Whenever he laid eyes on her his gaze always searched for something to criticize. A rug that he somehow thought hadn’t been vacuumed, a patch of dust on the coffee table that showcased her laziness. Or worse, his gaze would stay fixed on her body for a few seconds too long and he would sneer at her like a wolf ready to pounce on a lamb who had strayed too far from home.   The hunger in his eyes made her shudder and find a way to remove herself from his sight as soon as possible. That’s why she was up in the treehouse on her birthday. Content to spend it alone with a good book and a thermos full of peach ice tea.  She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t notice Michael was there until he had already climbed up the treehouse ladder and sat down beside her. He brushed a lock of sandy brown hair out of his eyes and grinned at her. “Happy birthday Ella,” he said, holding out a Tupperware container of the saddest-looking chocolate cake she’d ever seen.  “I baked it for you myself,” He said proudly.  She didn’t have the heart to ask him why one side was significantly flatter than the other. She was just so happy to see his face. It was the first friendly one she had seen all day. “This is so nice, Michael.” She said, hugging him. He squeezed her tight and pulled away to look into her eyes. “You deserve so much more than this on your 16th birthday,” he whispered. “ I’m sorry, Ella. I’m sorry things suck so much right now. Someday it will be better.”  She brought her hands up to his face. “You make everything better, Michael.” There’s nobody I’d rather spend my birthday with.” That was the God’s honest truth. Ella and Michael had been best friends ever since they were six years old. He had been there through everything. Her father's death, her mother’s mental breakdown, and catastrophic marriage to a notorious mob boss.  Michael wasn’t without his own problems. Being the youngest of 5 kids he often went unnoticed and learned to take care of himself from a young age. He worked multiple after-school jobs just so that he could be out of the house and away from his parent's booze-fueled fights that seemed to happen more and more often.  His face was only inches from hers and there was a pain in his eyes that she recognized well. Pain that they would never have the childhoods so many of the kids they knew took for granted. They never came home to smiles and hugs. They were never shown the love that they so badly needed. Except with each other.  She pulled him towards her and pressed her lips against his. He looked surprised at first but then wrapped his arms around her and opened his mouth. Her tongue slid against his and it felt so good that a whimper escaped her throat.  He pulled back and looked at her with concern. “Are you okay?”  She nodded, too breathless to say anything, and pulled him towards her again. It felt so good to kiss him, to feel his hands exploring her body as she sucked on his tongue. The taste of him was better than anything she could have imagined.   She guided his hand up her shirt and heard him moan as his fingers squeezed the cup of her bra. She grinned and began unzipping his jeans but he quickly took her hands and held them to his chest as he caught his breath.  “Ella, this can’t go any further.”  She looked at him with confusion, “I’m sorry, I thought… don’t you want me?” “Of course I do!” He said, running his fingers down her cheek. “Ella you have no idea how badly I want you.” “I don’t understand. Michael, I love you.” Ella was angry at herself for not being able to hold back her tears. Rain began to fall outside,, making a gentle tapping sound on the treehouse roof as if the sky itself was crying right along with her.  Michael looked at her sadly. “I love you too. That’s why we can’t do this. What we have is too important and I don’t want to do anything to mess it up. I never want to lose you, Ella. You mean everything to me.” Ella wiped her tears and blew her nose on a paper towel Michael had brought with the cake. “I think you’re wrong. I think it would bring us even closer together, and it would be amazing. Michael, we both deserve something amazing.” Michael wrapped his arm around her and stroked her hair. “And we’ll have it someday. Someday, when I can take you away from all of this and give you the life that you deserve.”  She looked up at him surprised, “You’ve thought about having a future with us together, like you and me married?”  He smiled and pulled her against him. “Ella that’s all I think about.” Her heart warmed at this revelation but it made the wanting him even harder to ignore.  “So all I get to be is your friend until that magical future happens?” She asked.  “You’re so much more than that. You’re my Ella, and I’m your Michael. No matter how bad things get, that will never change.”