The Boy I Shouldn't Want to Love

"Hey honey, are you ready? You don't want to be late on your first day of school, right!?" His mother's voice suddenly broke from the bottom of the stairs, and Liam jumped, standing in front of the closet. He met in the mirror set inside the wardrobe door his own reflection, obviously still in pajamas, clothes and shoes scattered everywhere behind him. He groaned eagerly, throwing his head back and resuming his search for the perfect outfit even more feverishly than before, his hands rummaging through the clothes. Someone knocked, but Liam didn't pay too much attention to it. It could only be his mother: after all, it was just the two of them sharing that little flat on the outskirts of town. Even if something was definitely about to change. His mother's blond head peeked out the door, and when she noticed the mess that was his room, she blinked before crossing the threshold, an astonished frown on her face "Liam, what are you doing? Looks like a bomb went off in here!" She bent down, snorting and picking up the first things that came within her range, and then tossing them onto the bed. She turned to face him, then, her hands on her hips and a frown. Usually Liam would have been afraid. But now the first-day in a new school anxiety was definitely getting the better of everything. "Sorry, Mom, I'll make it alright, I swear ... yeah... sooner or later ..." he rambled absently, as he finally grabbed the tight black jeans he had been looking for for hours, and a white shirt. He turned, finally satisfied, meeting the sight of his mother, who still seemed to be waiting for something, standing there staring at him. "Do you plan to stay there staring at me?" Liam asked him, lifting his jeans to let her know that he had to change. Jenna snorted, rolling her eyes. "I'm your mother, Li, there's nothing down there that I haven't seen before," she laughed. "And I'm your son, and there are things no teenage son would want his mother to see," he muttered amused in response, turning away from him and taking off his pajama top. He turned back to her and proceeded to button his shirt. "Yeah," she commented, studying him thoughtfully. "I wouldn't want to see you exaggerate, darling, for example. It seems you have to go to a wedding, are you sure you want to dress just like that? Maybe it would be better if ...-" She then started to go to the closet, but Liam grabbed her promptly, with a little twist on himself to push her back towards the door. "Please, Mom, forget it! What do you want to know about how boys dress nowadays?" he snorted amused. "Are you implying that I'm old?" she replied in response, as she picked up a shirt from the ground and jokingly pulled it against him. "Heaven forbids me." He sat on the bed, taking off his pants and replacing them with his chosen jeans, getting up to fasten them. Jenna studied him for a few seconds, an affectionate smile that now curled her lips "You look great, honey. You're gonna kill it at school" "Hope so" Liam sighed, turning to look once more at his reflection in the mirror, a hand moving, fixing his hair back. He could still see his mother staring at him through the mirror. Now she looked uncertain, she was biting her lip, and Liam already knew what she was about to say. It was a speech they had already given dozens of times in the past two weeks. "I'm sorry, honey, that you have to change schools in the middle of the year-" she said in fact, with a sigh. "It's not your fault, mom, you know," Liam said quickly, abruptly. After all, if there was a responsible person there, it was just him. He turned to look at her, a faint plea in his voice "Let's not talk about it again, please." Jenna nodded, though she didn't seem entirely convinced. Liam tried a smile, promptly changing the subject. "And by the way, this-" he pointed at his clothes "isn't just for the new school, you don't want me to show up at your fiance's house dressed like a bum." Jenna laughed, coming over and ruffling his hair. Liam escaped his grasp "Mom, the hair!" She laughed again, then took him by the shoulders, looking for his gaze "I'm very proud of you, you know?" "I know" Liam smiles "I'm very proud of you too," he answered honestly. She looked thoughtful for a moment, looking deeply into his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay with it, honey? New school, new house, new ... family? I don't want it to be, well… too much" Liam shook his head, smiling "Mom, we already talked about it ... the more important thing to me is that you are happy. And if Paul makes you happy, then I love him. And I will like his son too, I'm sure" Jenna seemed worried though "Maybe we should have let you guys meet sooner... suddenly it doesn’t seem like a good idea to move in without- " "Mom" Liam warned her softly, rolling his eyes. "We already talked about it." he repeated "It's okay. Anyway, I've always wanted a brother." He shrugged. Jenna smiled at him and hugged him tightly. "Dad would be happy, you know, right?" Liam grumbled against her shoulder. "I know," she said, moving away to look into his eyes "And he would be very proud of you too" * When he got off the bus, out of Beacon High School, Liam felt simultaneously two conflicting feelings. He felt uncomfortable, a stranger, in a high school that wasn't the one he'd gotten used to in the last year and a half; and at the same time, he felt at home. He would come back to his old neighborhood, go to public school again, after living three years in Los Angeles, where he attended middle school, and after attending Devenford Prep for nearly two years. Yes, nearly, until ... well, until it happened what had happened. He looked around intently, his eyes sweeping over the hundreds of people crowding the main courtyard, chatting excitedly about this and that. Probably among them were also some of his old classmates from elementary school. But who would have remembered him anyway? Who would remember the hypersensitive boy, quiet and nerdy that the most 'cool' kids used to tease? On the contrary. He just hoped he wasn't meeting any of those guys, honestly ... He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap of his bag as he swallowed just at the terrifying thought.. In particular, he hoped not to meet him. The boy who had been the torment of his elementary years, the boy who made his school life literal hell, the boy who was most likely the cause of his social anxiety. His therapist - yes, he had a therapist - said it was normal to be in awe of people. But his was not awe, I was pure terror. Of finding himself again in front of someone who made him feel wrong, inappropriate, different - as he made him feel for years, and with him all his stupid friends. 6 years ago - Fourth grade Liam was sitting in his usual front row seat in front of the desk. Not because he liked being the nerd of the situation with his personal seat in the front row - even if he was it a little bit, perhaps - but because that was the only way to make sure he could see the blackboard. He had to, considering that i***t Raeken broke his glasses crushing them under his feet last week. And he hadn't even apologized. Not that Liam had been touched in the least by the thought that it was just an accident anyway. For some reason that guy hated him ... Yet he didn't feel like he had ever done anything bad to him! Theo was life and soul of the class, the cheerful and likeable child, good at sports and good-looking around whom everyone instinctively gathered. Liam was the shy, nerdy kid most people didn't even notice. Although that didn't seem to be true for the one person Liam would have gladly avoided the attention of. For a while he had tried to ignore it, although he promptly ended up crying in some toilet every time Theo pulled on him one of his prank. The week before, however, he had reacted, or at least he had tried to stand up, not to remain passive in the face of all that oppression. Result: his glasses were broken into a thousand pieces. Despite this, Liam hadn't had the guts to talk about it with the teachers, nor with his mother. He didn't want her to get angry, or worse, worry. So now he persisted in squinting his eyes every day to make out the thick writing on the blackboard. That morning, however, he sat in his seat with a euphoric smile. He lifted the bag off the ground and took out the comic he had hidden in it, the comic his father had given him the previous evening, before getting into a taxi to the airport, and he had not yet had the chance to read. He clenched it to himself before opening it. It wasn't so much for the comic, but because it was a gift from his father. It sounded silly, probably, and it was downright impossible, but he could almost swear he could smell him on it. Liam didn't see him very often. His mother had explained to him that his dad was like one of his favorite superheroes, how he went to places where people were sick, to help them and make them feel safe. So as he pulled the comic down, admiring the flashy cover where Superman rescued a woman, he proudly imagined that this was what his dad was doing right now. He did not even have time to open it, however, that a shadow stretched over him making him raise his eyes. "Hey, Dumbar" He met green eyes, bright with amusement, which matched the grin on the lips of Theo Raeken, the most hateful kid in the world. Liam immediately blushed at the offensive nickname Theo had apparently decided to give him that day "My name is Dun-bar, not Dumbar!" he said weakly, avoiding looking at him. "How did you say, sorry? I can't hear you from up here" he said in response, with a hand on his right ear and an even bigger grin. Stupid i***t, you heard me right. You'll be three inches taller than me, Liam thought in frustration, but all he did was go even more purple. He remained silent, tightening his grip on his comic, as if to draw the strength needed to resist. Theo looked from his face to his hands, and before he knew it- "What you got there, Dumbar?" - had snatched the comic from his hands. "Ah!" This time Liam jumped to his feet, reaching out his hand to take it back, while Theo, laughing, raised it more and more above his head. Okay, maybe it's more than an inch. "Give it back, it's-it's mine!" Theo laughed again "Oh so you can talk!" he said, pressing with his other hand on Liam’s chest to keep him away, while lowering the comic to be able to read it. "What is this crap?" he exclaimed with a haughty grimace. "Superman. Do you still read these babies things?" He had done it on purpose to shout, now all their classmates were staring at them too. Someone was giggling, and Liam was redder than ever. He stopped struggling to get it back, lowering his head to look at his feet. He just wanted to dig a hole and hide in it. "Not that it's new, Dumbar, there's no need to be ashamed, we all already know you're a loser," Theo said, flipping through the pages, with a gentle and comforting tone that didn't match at all with his words and his grin. "Right, guys?" he yelled louder looking around. Everyone laughed, someone nodded yes. Someone just turned away. Liam could feel the tears burning on the sides of his eyes, about to come out. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and took a breath. He just wanted Theo to give him back the comic his father had given him. He didn't have to piss him off by talking him back, or it would end up like the glasses again. So he raised his head slowly, looking at him shyly. He just hoped his eyes weren't as red as he feared they were, and his lip wasn't shaking as he imagined it was doing. "Please… Could you just give me my comic back?" he asked in a low voice. Theo looked taken aback for a moment, or at least his grin was gone. He stared at him for a few seconds, as if to study him carefully, before lifting the comic in his direction. "Do you care so much?" he then asked seriously. Liam nodded hesitantly, surprised by the boy's tone. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it wasn't as bad as it seemed. Maybe even Theo Raeken had a heart, very deep down ... Then Theo's lips turned back into another grimace. "Well then go get it." It was the only thing he said before throwing the comic out the wide open window. "No!" Liam exclaimed, widening his eyes before rushing to the window, only to see the comic slowly fall into one of the puddles in the backyard . Everyone behind him laughed, Theo louder than the others. "So, aren't you going to get it back?" he barely heard him, as, bending over the windowsill, staring disconsolately at his father's gift, he finally let a tear fall. Present - Tenth grade "Oh my god, Liam, is that really you?" Liam winced, abruptly returning to reality. He whirled toward the voice that had shouted his name. Shouted, literally. The people nearby were watching them curiously. Liam's eyes widened in embarrassment, before spotting the dark-skinned boy who had called him and who was now looking at him with a huge smile on his face. He tried a few more steps as if to make sure he had guessed "Yes, it's really you! You remember me, right!?" "Uh .. uh-uh" he muttered, taken aback. "Mason, right?" "Yes, God, how have you changed! Intense, I almost didn't recognize you! What are you doing here? I thought ... you went to Los Angeles, I think?" Mason moved all the way closer, putting a hand on his shoulder when he realized he had been recognized. "Uh .. yes, I mean, no- I went there, but- I'm back- yes, I mean-" he stammered. Mason chuckled. "Okay, maybe you haven't changed that much," he joked. Liam blushed, but Mason continued as if nothing had happened "When did you enroll?" "Well ... today, actually," he replied nervously. He remembered Mason. He had moved to Beacon Hills in their fifth grade. He had been one of the few who had been friends with him. At least he never made fun of him. Then he moved to Los Angeles and they never met again. "I'm really glad to see you again!" he said with a smile. He looked genuinely happy, so Liam smiled back. "Um, me too ... Me too ..." "Hey, do you want me to show you where the office is?" Liam looked relieved. He was already afraid that he would get lost, and that he would be late for class from day one. "Um yeah, please... thank you!" They walked towards the school, entering the main entrance and moving quickly through the hallways. Mason began babbling about more or less, teachers and classes. He was saying something about the stern biology teacher, Pinch or something, when he suddenly stopped in front of a door. "Here we are, I'm waiting for you, so I'll take you to class. I wouldn't want you to get lost." "Okay thanks" Liam smiled at him, extremely grateful. This guy was a godsend. Maybe it wouldn't have been that bad! When Liam came out with his teacher note, his schedule, and the locker number and combination sheet, Mason said he was sorry they didn't have many classes together. "Okay, now you have eco with coach," he read. "Coach?" Liam asked, confused. "Yeah, lacrosse coach. It's Finstock, but everyone here just calls him Coach," he explained. "Do you play lacrosse?" Liam shook his head. Let alone. He and sport were two polar opposites. Especially since he had never been a sociable type, able to integrate into a team. "You should try, you definitely have the body. Our team could use some help. My boyfriend is the goalkeeper," he communicated with nonchalance. Liam looked at him in amazement. "Boyfriend?" Then he stopped, maybe it sounded rude? "I mean- not that it's a problem, it's ... okay, it's cool- I mean-" Mason chuckled. "Don't worry." He shrugged. Liam blushed. "No, I mean- uhm- I'm too- well-" he took a breath "I'm bi" he concluded then. "Well, good to know." Mason winked at him. Liam let out a chuckle. It was nice to see someone talking about it quietly and cheerfully. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, but he knew from experience that people can be pretty mean and nasty. So he usually never talked about it, or at least not with strangers or near-non-strangers, in this case. In fact, he was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Mason, it was as if those five years hadn't passed at all. "This is it." Mason stopped in front of a classroom. The door was open, an excited buzz came from within. "Hey, if you like, we could have lunch together? I'll introduce you Corey - my boyfriend - Nolan, Alec ... my other friends'' he offered, with a friendly nod. Liam nodded, smiling. "Yes sure, thanks!" "You're welcome, man! Then I'll see you later." Mason patted him on the back and gave him one last big smile, before walking away. Liam turned to the class, taking a deep breath and finally entering. He immediately marched to the desk, where he placed the principal's note, and then turned to look for a seat, careful not to catch anyone's eye. Eventually he opted for a seat in the middle row, next to the window. When he was seated, he placed the sheets with his lessons and locker number in the pocket of his bag and took out his notebook. When the bell rang, he heard everyone moving around him, taking their seats as the last of the latecomers rushed through the door. He was looking for the pen, bent over in his bag, when someone slammed the door, prompting him to look up. The man whistled into the whistle that hung around his neck, approaching the desk, a pile of papers in his hand, but remaining standing. "So, you little shits, listen to me carefully." Liam looked at him with wide eyes. Was he serious? "I know it won't interest you in the slightest, but the school is organizing a fundraiser next week for the kids in the town's orphanage. I know you little spoiled daddy kids probably don't even know what the word charity means, but I want everyone of you to give something. And write a nice note that makes your coach's eyes fall for commotion. And yes, that will be worth half the vote, so see what to do" He dropped a stack of papers on each first desk of the first row. "Pass behind, return the forms tomorrow signed by your parents." he said, as the first in line began to obey. "Parents, Greenberg. You are not smart enough for me to think that you are even the least bit emancipated." Then he turned to sit at the desk. Liam was sure he had never heard a teacher speak like this in his life. Or any person, actually. Surely the Coach was something else. When the girl in front of him passed him the two remaining sheets, he placed one on his desk, and turned in his chair to give the last to the person sitting behind him. When he put the paper on the desk of the boy in question, intent on looking at what was surely his cell phone hidden on his legs, he jerked his head up. And Liam found himself looking into the greenest eyes he had ever seen. Or had he already seen them ...? The guy stared at him for a good two seconds, before widening his eyes. And Liam did the same when he recognized him. No way. "Uh, you a-!" he started. Liam paled, whirling around and turning his back to him again. He clenched his fists in his lap, eyes closed. No way. No way! It can't really be him. What have I done wrong for-? "Liam Dunbar!" The coach's snappy voice startled him. Liam's head snapped at him. He could feel Theo Raeken's eyes on him. He hadn't lost sight of him even for a moment. "Y-yes?" he answered, his heart pounding. No way. No way! "Oh there you are. So ... from today we have a new student!" he happily communicated to the class. Liam looked around nervously, with a smile on his face that probably seemed more like a grimace to everyone. "I sincerely hope he is better than you losers" the coach muttered then rolling his eyes. "Now let's get started - who wants to give an sum up of the program dealt with so far to Mr. Dunbar?" Liam cringed in the chair. He didn't know if it was because of the insults that everyone was probably throwing at him at that moment, or because of Theo's games that he still felt burning at the back of his neck, but at that moment he just wanted to disappear. No way!