An affair with a man

13

SEBASTIAN.

*

*

I know, you all think I'm a bad person, but before you come for me, no I did not regret it, I didn't, not for one second or minute.

And I meant everything I told him. Everything.

Hell I wasn't even that drunk.

It's just that this morning, I realized I actually did it, and I had to do and say something to him, I had to. And I didn't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about the fact that I'm into men, and I'm so into him. It's my secret to take to my grave. My father will disown me if he ever find out I'm into men. I'll loose the company too, I'll loose everything. It will be so scandalous.

I can't afford to risk that, risk my whole life on one moment.

So the best thing I had to do was to pretend like he didn't exist, last night never happened and push him away.

And my entire mood got ruined already from just waking up to the thought that I can't do what makes me happy and be with who I want to be pissed me the f**k up

He looked so stressed and worried today, I could tell he was blaming himself for everything.

I loved that he was genuinely worried about me, but I had to push him away. I just have to and I do feel bad about it but, this is for the best.

"You called me sir", he said again for the third time after I didn't say anything.

"We're going to LA tomorrow morning, we won't be back till Saturday or so, take the rest of the day off to prepare, we're leaving first thing tomorrow morning, we're going to see my parents", he stated.

"Alright sir,thank you, anything else?".

"No", I Said and returned my gase back to my laptop, I was looking for the perfect dress for Rebecca for the meeting with my parents in two days.

She's beautiful and all, but I want something perfect.

I looked back up and noticed that Asher was still standing there

He looked like he was struggling, thinking of whether or not to talk to me.

"You can go now Asher", I said.

"Sir please, before I leave, can I please ask you something?".

I knew where this was going.

"Make it snappy".

"Are you in anyway upset with Me about what happened last night?", he asked.

I paused and then closed my laptop and then rolled my chair closer to my table.

I looked him dead in the eyes, "What happened last night?", I asked calmly.

"Sir It's my fault I take full respo-"

"I went to Las Alexa, drank, got drunk, came back home and then fell asleep and woke up this morning, how could that have anything to do with you Asher?", I asked.

He paused to think as if doubting his own memory.

"But sir-".

"Asher, what does my night routine have anything to do with you?", I asked again this time sinking it into his head.

I think he got the memo this this time; I didn't want to talk about it, it never happened.

He nodded,"Nothing sir, I'm sorry sir",I said.

"Good, now please excuse me", I said with a warm smile, a fake warm smile.

He nodded And then opened the door and left.

I groaned out loudly and banged my table and placed my head on my desk.

I hate myself for this, I hate myself for this so much, I just can't forgive myself at all.

I'm hurting him,I know I am.

It's sad I can't be with who I want to be with.