Their Heats Desire

Groggy, head spinning, tongue feeling sticky and pasty, mouths dry. Water, she needs water to relieve the dryness. There seems to be a fog around her brain. 'Where am I?' 'Why can’t I remember?' There was something she needed to remember, but what. Slowly her mind began to register and recall just what that was. Her body. Something is not right. She feels like she can't move. 'What is going on?' 'Why can't I feel my body?' Thinking about it she lifted her hands. Okay, they feel heavy but she could move them. As she slowly opened her eyes things becomes clearer, she knew she was in a strange place. Her surroundings weren’t what she remembers at all. The fog around her brain was lifting. Then a memory came, 'wasn’t someone giving me a needle of some kind', yeah, it’s coming back. She remembers being put under anesthetic. 'But why?' Gaining her bearing, Sonia looked around the room. There’s a large sliding glass window several feet from the bed she was in. She can see the garden outside. She loves gardens. The drapes over the window are a light blur. There are teddy bears in cute playrooms on the wall all around the room. 'Wait am I in a nursery?' She must be at the hospital.‘The baby yes, I must have had my baby, but where is he.’ The baby is a boy. Yes, that’s what Sonia wants, and she’s happy so very happy. She finally gets what she wants. Thank God. She didn’t have a girl that would be disaster. She knew it was a boy and is at peace. She heard the door open and turned to see who entered the room. Sonia looks over at the nurse who just brought her son back from the nursery. She was told that a doctor gave him a clean bill of health. He was perfect despite what anyone might say. Sonia waits patiently until the nurse places him in a transparent plastic shell made like a portable crib on wheels next to her bedside then leaves the room. Sonia could not help but look at her bundle of joy as he began to move about as if just coming out of sleep. He made a sound and she reached out to take him from the crib, but two shadows appeared just in her path. She pulled her hands back. Sonia did not know if she was seeing things or if someone came into the room again. She realized it was a figment of her imagination, Sonia turned her attention to her son wanting to hold him close. As she reached out to take him, the shadows appeared again. It appears they were preventing her from reaching him. Sonia became frantic fearing these shadows meant to do her harm. Right before her eye,s the shadows took the form of her parents who claimed her child as their own. Sonia frantically tries to take her child back. The shadows began to move away. Soon they were so far out of reach, yet Sonia in her persistence was trying to regain possession of her son. The shadows would not meet her agonizing plea as she cried out, ‘give him back he belongs to me! I love him; he’s not yours. He’s mine! You can’t have him; give him back!’ Just then the shadows disappear taking her son with them. Sonia, She awakened out of her sleep in fright. Wrapping her arms around her stomach. She realizes, she did not have the baby, he was safe. She is still pregnant. Sonia thought the baby was moving about frantically but no she was shaking. The dream seemed so real. Sonia recalled the dream- she had the baby and her parents came and took him away. Looking around the room Sonia tries to get her bearings. Making sure she wasn’t at the hospital but at home. Breathing hard in deep groaning, feeling very odious about her vulnerability. Sonia began to feel slight pressure, she needed to relieve herself, getting off her bed she felt cold and damp. Placing her hand on the bed, she could feel its wetness, she’s been sweating. Still shaking, she wondered. Why can’t she have one night of peaceful sleep or stop this incisive shaking? These dreams are causing her to have restless sleep each night. She wished the dreams would go away. Taking a couple of quick deep breaths, she made her way to the bathroom hoping for calm. After some time of thinking good thoughts, Sonia calms. Smiling, she said out loud. ‘Thank God. These dreams don’t affect my baby.’ She hoped. Sonia held her stomach once more, he was her life now and no matter what, there is no turning back. Sonia can’t allow the traumatic epilogue of her past to affect her baby or allow it to matter as much as it does. That doesn’t stop it from hurting. She felt the tears rolling down her face as parts of her painful past begins to surface. She scolded herself. ‘Stop it, Sonia, this won’t help.’ She must be strong for this little one. Walking over to the window, she looked out. The day was just beginning. The sun was peeking out to say good morning. The baby too says good morning with a kick. Sonia looks down and smiles. Being a single parent won’t be easy, but what other choice does she have? Sonia has never had to deal with this kind of situation. Living on her own, having to take care of herself and others. Her life was a sheltered one. Being from one of the prominent black families in Seattle, she lived her life in the safety of home and family, the same family that causes her to be where she is now. Being rich is not as easy as most people who have nothing would think. The money was there in abundance, and having a good family background, was great. Sonia knows better now. You muddle through like everyone else until something happens that causes a major shift in your safe little world. Sonia finally woke up when her major shift happened. She became pregnant and that was something her father just didn’t want to deal with. Now she’s her person not living her life for her family but leaving it for her child. Living a life of loneliness and isolation in a house with people who hardly notice you or care if you exist was hard but being pregnant and living alone took some getting used to. There’s no help from her mother and father and all the money that she once had was in the distant past. She must make it on her own. Sonia didn’t mind working for money, but not having it on hand takes some getting used to. Having to shop for food and learning how to cook was not easy, but these are things she must do to survive. Sonia wants her baby to be healthy and happy yet there are still things for her to accomplish before too long. Sonia appreciates the beach house her Aunt Rita gave her. It is currently in her situation. It’s too big for one person to maintain and her Aunt renovated it, turning it into a duplex. Sonia hadn’t noticed how long she stayed at the window drinking in the first sunlight before deciding it was time to get the day started. Moving around felt comfortable again as she got ready for her day in the office. Today she must finish the illustration work on the book before its deadline. Working at home gives her time, time to think, draw, and plan. Sonia has time to reflect on her life past and present and to map out where she is going from here. Checking the clock on her dresser, she recalls that Sandy was coming over and why. “Shoot Sandy will be by any minute to work on the ad” Putting on one of her newly brought dresses, she wonders how she’d let Sandy talk her into getting a tenant for the place upstairs. Oh yes, arguing with Sandy is like boxing, if you don’t want to get hit, you move around but eventually get knocked out. Sonia knew that day she would lose the argument so why even bothers? They discussed this before; having someone around to help but Sonia wasn’t ready to make that move. They discussed getting a tenant several times, but she can’t remember agreeing to any of it. Aunt Rita was no help either; she took Sandy’s side. That could’ve been when it all happened, Sonia pondered. Her head began to hurt just thinking about it. Going into the kitchen, she put on some milk. As she puts the cocoa into her mug, the front door opens. “Hey, they girl, how are you feeling today?” Sandy asked, bouncing into the room with a smile. Instantly she noticed Sonia’s expression which meant she had another one of those dreams and wished Sonia would tell her about them. Sandy didn’t lose her smile, she made herself comfortable and waited. Trying not to let Sandy see she was troubled Sonia said. “Fine I guess, but when does this sick feeling go away?” Sickness, huh, Sonia wished that was all it was, then she would know how to deal with it. “Oh honey, are you feeling sick again?” Sandy knows it’s only an excuse, Sonia will not tell her what’s going on and she wants to help. Sandy continued to let her friend tell her anything because when Sonia’s ready to talk she’ll listen. “Yes, and I don’t like it.” At some point, Sonia did become queasy. Sonia knew this was what she got for lying to her friend. “Did you eat yet for the morning?” Sandy asked as she got off the stool. Maybe there’s something she could do to help ease the queasiness. Sandy began moving about the kitchen trying to find some crackers or some ginger ale, anything that would help Sonia feel better. “No, I just got up to get some milk; then I remembered you were coming by this morning and the reason why.” Sonia turned to the stove to retrieve her milk not wanting Sandy to see the scowl on her face. Pouring the milk into her mug with the waiting cocoa, Sonia tries not to think too much about it. Sandy watched Sonia’s shoulders sag; knowing the idea of a tenant still bothers her. “Still having problems with the idea hah, get some of those saltine crackers the doctor told you to eat, and let’s go into the office.” “They don’t do any good,” Sonia said, looking at Sandy. “The crackers, they don’t work and besides this baby has a mind of his own.” Sonia loved the thought of having a son. She wants a boy and intends to show him all the love and understanding she did not receive. Allowing him to make his own decisions and live his life. “But so many women say the crackers work for them; anyway, why do you insist on saying this baby’s a boy.” Sandy knows Sonia wants a boy but wishes she wouldn’t get her hopes up. “I know it, I feel it, and every time I claim that he responds, so don’t start. I know you don’t like the idea of me saying it’s a boy, but believe me, it’s a boy.” Sonia whispered the last part. “Fine, I know when to quit,” Sandy said, throwing her hands up in the air, besides, she could see something else was on Sonia’s mind. “Honey, what’s on your mind?” “Oh, nothing, I just had another bad dream,” Sonia said, reminding herself of the promise she made to never recall those dreams and never tell Sandy the negative things she’s been dreaming about, especially about her parents. “So, when are you going to tell me what your dreams are about, I mean; maybe if you tell me I can help.” Sandy could only speculate about Sonia’s dreams and wish her friend would trust her enough to one day share them with her. “Trust me. You don’t want to know. Just let’s change the subject all right.” Sonia thought, ‘what’s the use anyway, no one can help her she has to do this on her own.’ She sighed. “Okay, what do you want to discuss?” Sandy saw the change of expression on Sonia’s face and knew what was coming. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re going to place an ad for a border in my house.” Sandy tries not to show her amusement about the situation, because Sonia’s not big on the idea, no matter how they try to sell it to her. She knew Sonia since high school; she’s a very private person and will not accept help from Sandy and James. This was the only way they could get some help for Sonia and not have to worry. “Fine, so help me write the ad” Hoping it would make Sonia feel a little more comfortable about someone being upstairs. “I don’t know, it seems so informal.” Why? She wonders. ‘Can’t I just go along with the idea of someone around me? I would love the company but want to be alone.’ “Well, let’s work on the wording together. You know how good you are with words.” Sandy gave an encouraging smile, hoping it will push Sonia to see their point. Walking from the kitchen they enter the dining room, cross the hall, and go into the living room where Sonia’s office is, off to the side of the living room. Entering the office space, it still amazes Sandy how corporate the look and feel of Sonia’s office was. She admires Sonia’s taste. The bookcase runs the length of the wall, trimmed in cherry wood borders and cherry wood shelves. The desk was a bright cherry wood and the chairs, cherry leather, were very beautiful. Sandy took in a breath as she looked out the window. She loves the picture window; you know the kind that goes from the floor to the ceiling which allows Sonia a full view of the ocean. It always takes Sandy a while to process the room but then she walks over to the desk, picks up some stationary, and begins to write down some suggestions. The first one says, “Seeking a tenant to help out with rent.” Sonia said. “Ah, that’s too direct.” It sounds like she needs money and that’s not the case. The next one said, “needs large space; have rooms for rent, male or female can apply.” A little better but not quite what she wants to say. She’s not ready to deal with men right now. The third one said, “Beautiful beach house with plenty of rooms, separates entrance, call Sandy, 777-7474 for further details.” Sonia can get with that one there’s room to maneuver. Sandy worded it on the form the ad’s people gave her and told Sonia she was going to place the ad today. Sonia began to wonder if this was the right thing to do, and then it started. The fight, the going back and forth about it. “I don’t want to do this, I can handle it.” “No, you can’t. You need the help and we can find someone who will be able to help you if the baby comes.” “I can call you and James, even Aunt Rita. There’s Josie, I can even call her.” “Sonia we’ve gone over this before, stop it. We’re doing this and that’s that.” Sonia finally gave in, and then asked Sandy. “How long will the entire thing take?” “I don’t know, but it’s no rush. We want the right person here to help you.” “Yeah right; well how long will you be gone?” “Not long, I have to prepare lunch for James. You know how he gets about his food.” With that, she smiled and said goodbye. Sonia sat in her office contemplating the morning’s events, which were still fresh in her mind. She gave up trying to come up with a plausible argument and started to illustrate. Just then another memory surfaced. Sonia remembered how pleased her mother was that she developed a talent for drawing. Her mom encouraged her to do something with it and not to let anyone or anything hinder her from doing what she wants. Sonia also remembers how her mom talked about her ams what she would have loved to accomplish. One of her favorite memories was of her mother’s smile. It was a special moment between her and her mom, the many times Sonia came home from school and her mom was there with a smile just for her. It was part of their secret times together. After college things change, her father saw that. Being an illustrator was one of her dreams to come through, and everyone except her father was excited for her. Sonia always loved being with her mom, they talked about everything but her father felt they were too close. The one thing her mother would not do is going against JA. Sonia despised that her mother she felt her mother was weak when it came to JA Harding. Her father, hum what could she say about him? Handsome, tall, salt and pepper curly hair, rich, has his own company, runs it like a well-oiled ship. Gets results at any cost, has no care when it comes to other's needs, and must have his way or no way at all. That’s her father. Things between them were tottering between okay and good before Sonia started working for another company, which pushed the relationship over the edge. Once she started at Fitch Brothers, her father became furious. He never once told her how proud or how pleased he was with her work and what she had accomplished; no he would just be President and CEO of Harding Crop. He surprised her one day though by asking her to join his company. ‘Sonia could you come into my office, please.’ She didn’t hesitate; no one hesitates when J A calls. ‘Yes sir.’ Once she crossed the threshold he began, no hellos, no how are you just. ‘I want you to come and work for me this summer.’ This was something she’s wanted all her life now she was not sure, he didn’t sound sure. ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Sonia I asked. I want you in the art department on Monday morning.’ What she wanted to ask him was, is it because I work for the competition? Yet she dared not voice her thoughts. She dare not turn it down; she didn’t know when the chance would come again. Sonia thought about it for a second. No matter what he said or how she wanted to please him she needed this chance to prove herself. ‘Yes, I’ll work for you this summer.’ She left his office that day not knowing if he hired her because of her work or because she works for his rival, but she showed up Monday bright and early. After some time she found out that working for her father was not all that she thought it would be, but she made friends and became involved with one of her co-workers who’s also a family friend. Her co-workers tried to warn her that Alec had a reputation, as a womanizer, but Sonia felt that it was love all though she had never been in love before. Sonia knew her mother had an idea about her seeing someone, but didn’t mention it to her or her father. By early November things between her and Alec tapered off. He started backing away, seeing other women not calling or wanting to see her. By mid-November Sonia was throwing herself into her work. She started listening to her co-workers, and reading magazines on how to keep your man happy. By December she came up with a plan to get Alec back. It was a cold December evening, there was no snow but it was chilly as the North Pole, Sonia didn’t care. She put on one of her furs naked as the day she was born underneath and went to Alec’s apartment. Once he opened the door she saw the shocked look on his face but she revealed her intentions and he invited her in, and they ended up having s*x. It was nothing like before and he practically kicked her out telling her not to bother him again. She never felt more like a fool than at that movement. How did she ever think it was more than s*x with him, she felt used and discarded. Sonia left his place crying, devastated, and hurt. By the end of December into the middle of January Sonia was a wreck, and that is when she got some unexpected news, she was pregnant. She didn’t know how to tell her parents. When she finally got up the courage to tell them her father hit the roof. Sonia’s never seen him like that before. He’s yelled and sworn before but not like that then he told her to get out, he did not ever want to see her again. Sonia looked to her mother for help and support but none came. That hurt worse than anything her father did or said that day. Sonia made up her mind to make it on her own without her parent’s help. She did not look back, the pain was unbearable. That’s how she ended up at her Aunt Rita's in a little town called Belmont with a beautiful beach house and a new life with old and new friends. Sonia mentally shook herself and decided those memories were best left in the past. Picking up the phone she called Jon her publisher, he had mentioned another project, but most of all she needed a friend. Then she’d go down to the beach for a walk. Things never seem mundane to Sonia but she wasn’t herself. All she could do was the normal everyday stuff, ya know, working, resting, and taking walks on the beach the simple things that gave her much pleasure, pleasure? Was that what she was feeling lately since she’s heard absolutely nothing from James or Sandy about the ad or if they’d considered anyone for the job? Yes, she said a job because that’s what it felt like, someone to watch over her in case, as Sandy would put it. Sonia began to pace, she wasn’t a pacer but it did come in handy when she was nervous. It’s time to inquire about the so-called tenant. Calling Sandy and James' house, Sonia waited for someone to answer the phone. It rang three times before Sandy answered. Not waiting for her friend to say hello. “Sandy, did anyone answer the ad?” “Well hello to you too Sonia and yes several people did we’re checking them out so don’t worry.” “I’ll try not to since I’m not the one insisting on this course of action,” Sonia said just before disconnecting. She wondered if there would come a time when she would get used to the idea or even like the person they had chosen. All sorts of thoughts started to cross her mind, what if the person’s elderly, that would mean health care, and people going in and out. She didn’t want that. Oh boy, what if was a college student that could mean late-night parties and no peace. She didn’t want that either. All she wants is a mature individual who is quiet and keeps to themselves, only then would she have a chance at some privacy and some peace. Just having these thoughts made her want to call the whole thing off. Maybe it’s not too late to change her mind. She thought nervously. After Sonia hangs up Sandy sighs, she feels Sonia's frustration. It seems like she and James were looking person after person and still could not find the right one whom they could trust for Sonia’s safety. This was very important to all of them, so they keep looking all the while keeping it from Sonia. Even though they still had their dinners together James and Sandy refuse to talk about the grueling process of finding a tenant for the house. About four weeks later Sandy and James made their decision. They met a man that they felt would be perfect for the position. James had a friend do some checking and so far so good. Sandy was left with the task of telling Sonia and they both knew it would be a fight especially when Sonia finds out it was a man. Sandy didn’t want a fight, and she didn’t tell James what she was doing either. She gave the new tenant his keys after finalizing the paperwork and the background check then helped him move in while Sonia was not around. Sandy did receive several questions from the tenant, but sidestepped every one of them. He finally gave up and was thankful for a place to live if only for a while. Someday soon he was going to build his place and live out his dreams. Sonia, asleep downstairs also has like-minded dreams. Accomplishing things for her and her son. Sometimes her dreams were of her planning their life. How she will love him, provide for him. There is nothing he would lack. Her dreams would start happy, but then end with her parents appearing out of nowhere, and taking her son away. Sonia sighed, as she sat up in her bed. Maybe if I put my mind to work it would help. Making the decision she gets up to do some work?