Summer Entanglement (bxb)

Love. It is such an easy, yet complicated thing to experience. Easy because it can be quite simple to fall in love with someone. Complicated because love can be messy, imperfect, raw, emotional, etc. All that especially when all that love is for someone who is unattainable.   My unattainable person is my twin brother, Tanner.  It all started way back when we were kids. At first, I thought he was just my idol that I looked up to. However, as time went by I started to notice that, although he is my role model, I started noticing the way my stomach felt all swirly inside when I would make him laugh or when he would show his beautiful and charming smile. I looked at him in a different light. He was starting to look attractive to me, which at the time was scary because I thought something was wrong with me or maybe I was just vain. I mean really, how do you find someone who looks exactly like you, attractive? It sounds pretty self obsessed.  But, I couldn't help it. Tanner was and is perfect in my eyes. He has the most warming beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen, opposed to my light blue ones. He wears his hair short as I wear my hair longer, kind of like a surfers length. Other than those differences, we are identical. I know what you're thinking, like duh, Charlie, that's what identical twins mean.  Anyway, we both stand at 6'1" and we both have toned muscled bodies from playing football. I played wide receiver and Tanner was the star quarterback. Worked in my favor because then I got to see him all hot and sweaty all the time.  I kept my love for him as a secret for as long as I could. I came out as gay entering my freshman year of high school. I dated a couple guys to see if for some reason the feelings for my brother would just dissipate, but alas they did not, so it never worked out with any of the guys I dated because the spark wasn't there. I would kid myself and say that maybe I just have to get to know them better. No. That wasn't it. My heart belonged to my brown eyed boy. Unfortunately, even though I knew it was impossible for him to see me like I see him, every time he'd have a girlfriend and be all mushy with them, my heart splintered. And don't get me started on when he was starting to have s*x with them. The walls are thin and I happen to share a wall with his room.  Pathetic. It's what I felt every single time because how am I supposed to be upset at him being in a normal relationship. I can't, so I act like it doesn't bother me. I feel as if I am a master of disguise. Haha, am I not turtley enough for the turtle club? No? Okay, moving on.  The façade disappeared when I got drunk and apparently told him my feelings for him. Of course, I didn't know that I told him until he told me. One night on spring break, we were staying at a beach hanging out with four new friends, Jace, Dakota, Sebastian and Damon. I had found out about Jace's similar predicament earlier that day and when we had a bonfire, I had asked him, privately, some questions on how he went about revealing his true feelings to his brothers. Tanner had walked in while we were talking and I just laid one on him.  Not my finest moment really. He was shocked so there was no action back. However, it was nice to feel the softness of his lips against mine for that split second. Later that night is when he had told me that I revealed my feelings for him months ago while drunk at a party. I was so embarrassed, but the kicker is that he admitted he felt something back.  No, life is not all rainbows and butterflies because even with his, I guess, mutual feelings. He has a girlfriend and even if he didn't he said it wouldn't work. He told me that I was not meant to be kept a secret and that it'd be selfish to pursue a relationship. I was saddened and a little more heartbroken, but I understood.  So here we are, two weeks before we spend the summer, on the road with our new found friends. Currently, I am sitting on the floor of my best friend's room. Lydia Schwartz. She is a beautiful and lean lady with long strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. She was the Dance team captain, dancing at every football game of ours.  "Charlie, can I come with you?" she begged as she rolled over on her bed, hanging her head upside down while looking at me.  "No, it's a guys trip" I said, rolling my eyes.  "But I'm going to be lonely" she pouted. "Hang out with your boyfriend" I shrugged. "He's not my boyfriend yet" she retorted  "Can't just expect him to make the first move, Lydia"  "Yes, I can! He's the guy, he's supposed to. I am quite old fashioned, if you haven't noticed" she stated. Her and my brother's best friend spent all year making googly eyes at each other but neither have made any advances. It's quite annoying, considering she knows my situation and her relationship would be far easier to obtain than mine.  "Could you ask Tanner if Trey has talked about me?" she asked hopefully. Trey Ruger is the apple of her eye. He was our football teams running back. Everyone calls him and Tanner 'Double T' when they are together. He's extremely attractive, standing at 6 feet, milk chocolate skin with a few tattoos on his muscular arms, short brown hair and bright amber eyes. Honestly, if I wasn't into Tanner and my best friend wasn't head over heels for him, I'd try and go for it. "You're such a girl!" I exasperated and she giggled.  "I love you too" she said and poked my cheek before sitting up and swinging her legs off her bed. "Let's go do something"  "Like what?"  Her eyes lit up "The mall"  "Ew" I scrunched my face up. I hate going to the Mall and the one she wants to go to is the Mall of America in Minnesota. It's not a far drive from where we live, just basically over the border. I don't get the hype about it, but I guess it's just appealing to people like her and tourists not from around here. "Please" she pleaded "We can pick out new swim trunks and some summer clothes to make you look hot and irresistible for sir Tanner" she added, wiggling her eyebrows.  "One, he has a girlfriend. Two, don't say sir. It makes me think of the b**m stuff and I am not into that"  "Don't knock it 'til you try it" she sang. "Anyway, let's go" I said defeatedly, getting up from the floor. She squealed and cheered as she ran into her closet and stripped before changing her outfit. I sent a quick text to Tanner to let him know where I was going and asked if he wanted me to pick up anything. 'Tan-Tan'- "Yeah, Will you pick me up my favorite cologne from Hollister, please?"   I sent him back that I would indeed pick it up for him. He uses the 'Jake' cologne and it smells divine on him. I groaned out loud just thinking about inhaling the scent from his body.  "You alright?" Lydia asked with a chuckle as she came back into her room. "Yeah, Tanner just wants me to pick up his favorite cologne while we're there" I informed her before stashing my phone in my pocket. "You driving or me?" she asked, exiting her room. "Ehh you can, I don't feel like driving" I told her, heading toward her garage. We climbed into her light blue Prius and we were on our way. Soon, we were pulled into the parking ramp of the mall, making our way inside the gigantic establishment. "Where to first?" I asked and she gave me puppy eyes. "What?" "Can we ride some rides and have ice cream?" she said, jutting out her bottom lip. "How old are you?" I questioned with my eyebrows raised "5" she said nonchalantly making me bust out laughing. "Yeah, why not" I agreed and we skipped our way to the amusement park that was in the center of the mall. It was called 'Nickelodeon Universe'. We rode on quite a few rides before we settled and got some ice cream.  "We should hit up Valleyfair whenever you get back from your road trip thing" she stated, licking her chocolate ice cream cone as we sat on one of the food court balconies overlooking the park. "Oh my gosh, yes. I am so down for that!" I exclaimed as I ate my cookies and cream ice cream.  "By the way, how long will you guys be gone for that?" she asked. "I don't know really. I know we are visiting NYC, Chicago and Orlando...or was it Miami?" I said thoughtfully "I'm not sure if we are stopping at any other big cities. Those are just the main ones we talked about" I shrugged. "Sounds like you are going to be gone all summer" she whined. "Maybe" I shrugged again, earning a whack to my arm "Ow, what was that for?" "You could at least act like you'd miss me. Jerk" she pouted. "Of course, I will miss you Lyd" I sighed. Luckily, she is attending Alabama University so it would be easy to visit her during our college years. We met in grade school and have been inseparable ever since. That is why she knows about my feelings with Tanner. I trust her full heartedly and she isn't the judgmental type anyway.  "I know. I'm just giving you s**t because I'm going to miss you too" she said with a small smile before getting up "Off to shopping" she chirped. I reluctantly got up with her and made our way to the first store. Hollister. I grabbed Tanner's cologne first so I wouldn't forget it and then Lydia and I shopped for some clothes and a couple pairs of swim trunks. Tanner and I prefer the longer boardshorts opposed to the shorter ones. They just feel nicer and more comfortable. After that, Lydia dragged me to Victoria's Secret for some new underwear sets. I felt awkward standing in the store but no one batted an eye at me because they probably thought I was her boyfriend.  "Ooh can we go to build a bear" she asked as we were walking by the stuffed animal shop.  "Why?" I questioned "Because" she said mischievously and I looked at her weird. "Okay, you go ahead. I'll be in Barnes and Noble" I told her and she skipped over to the store as I went to the bookstore. It's not popular for guys, but I enjoy reading romance stories. So, I ventured my way over to the romance section to pick out a few new books. I heard about a couple gay romance novels so I quickly looked them up to see if they had them and I was so happy to see that they did. I picked out the two new books and checked out. I felt like getting a coffee so I went over to the café in the store and grabbed a coffee before sitting down at one of the small tables to enjoy my hot beverage along with browsing my newsfeed on my phone. I was going to wait until the road trip to start my reading, otherwise I would finish them too quickly.  Not long after scrolling on my phone, Lydia jumped by me trying to scare me. "Boo!" she yelled next to my ear. "Ahhh you scared me" I said in the most monotone voice I could muster.  "Pfft, how'd you not get scared? I was in stealth mode" she said while doing some ninja looking moves, making me laugh. "I've known you long enough, I'm not easily scared anymore" I retorted and she stuck her tongue out at me. "Well, I was going to wait until the day you leave but you know me and gifts...." she trailed off handing me the little box the stuffed animal comes in. I grabbed it and set it on the table so I could open it.  Inside was a light colored bear, dressed in a cheer leading outfit. I quirked an eyebrow at her smiling face. "Press the paw" she urged. I pressed it and her voice played 'I miss you Charliekinz!' "That way, whenever you miss me, you can press it and hear my voice" she beamed at me. "Or I could just call you" I chuckled. "That's not as fun" she said "Thank you Lyd, I love it" I told her as I gave her a big hug. "I'm happy you like it, now let's go home" she kissed my cheek and we made our way out of the mall and to her car.  After we got back to her house, I said my goodbyes as it was getting late and I needed to get home. I hopped into my forest green Jeep Wrangler and went home.  "Hey mom, dad" I greeted, walking into the kitchen. My mom was making spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. "Smells good" I told her. "Thank you dear" she said with a smile "Have fun today?" she asked "Yeah, we went to the mall and bought some things and rode some rides" All of a sudden the front door slammed open and shut. An angry Tanner, stormed up the stairs without a word to any of us. "I'll go check on him" I muttered, making my way out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I crept to his closed door and knocked softly.  "Not now Charlie" he said sternly. I huffed. "Come on Tanner, talk to me" I pleaded. he mumbled some incoherent things before the door swung open. He retreated back into his room as I shut the door softly. He was using one of those hand squeezer things for stress. I stayed quiet to let him cool off a bit before asking him what was wrong. He slumped into his desk chair. "What's wrong?" I asked softly, sitting on the edge of his queen bed.  "She cheated" he gritted out. My eyes widened and anger flared inside my chest. "I went over to Bethany's house after Trey got called home and I walked in on her having s*x with Kyle" he continued.  "What the f**k is wrong with them" I scoffed. Kyle was one of our close teammates on the team. I can't believe he would do that to Tanner. I especially couldn't believe that she cheated on Tanner at all. He's so loving and caring and she just threw that away.  "I wanted to kick his ass" he said lowly "I didn't because it just wasn't worth it" he said as he squeezed the stress thing.  "How could she do this?" he asked "We were together for two years" he ranted. I just let him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and say that everything happens for a reason but I just couldn't. He'd probably think I'm just saying it so I could convince him to be with me.  "Is it me?" he sounded so defeated. It hurt me to see him so pained over a slut like her. I never really liked her. She was the stereotypical Regina George of our school. Of course, Tanner being Quarterback, supposed to be power couple right? Ugh.  "No, Tanner, it's not you" I calmly told him "She is just a b***h who couldn't see how great she had it with one of the most loving men in the world" It's true, he treated her like a queen. He would take care of her when she was sick, run to the store for her girly needs, and just be a total gentleman with everything he did for her. It made me yearn for that treatment from him. To be loved by him would make me the happiest man. I know he loves me as a brother, but I want him to love me.  He says he feels mutually but I need to see it to believe it. Maybe he was just saying that so I wouldn't feel stupid for feeling that way toward him and he was too nice to reject me. But I know that's not the type of man he is. Sigh. Either way, I need to see or feel that he loves me like I love him before I want to call it mutual. "Thanks Charlie" he said sadly, putting the object in his hand down on his desk "I just don't understand it....I did everything for her" He put his head in his hands "And she repays me by sleeping with one of our friends" he shook his head. I frowned, walking over to him to put a hand lightly on his shoulder. "If you can love the wrong person that much, just imagine how much you can love the right one" I softly spoke. I've always loved that quote. Tanner lifted his head, his sad eyes meeting mine. My heart raced as we stared into each other's eyes. God, I wish I could kiss him.  "Boys! Dinner!" Mom's voice shrilled throughout the house, breaking our little moment.  "I uh, have your cologne in a bag downstairs" I said as I lifted my hand from his shoulder "I also bought us some new swim trunks" I noted before walking to the door. "Thanks" I heard him say quietly before I left the room and down the stairs to join our parents.