Facing The Past

| Chapter Eight |

It was three in the morning and as I stumbled down the stairs with my phone clutched in my hand I tried desperately to wake myself up. When someone phones you at this time it's definitely a shock. My heart was in my throat trying to keep silent.

Opening the door, I sighed at Adrian who stood there like he wanted to be anywhere else. His arms were folded tightly showing those muscles, his face the perfect mask of nothingness.

"Hi." I smiled weakly as I stepped outside hugging my dressing gown around me tightly with the cold air. "I'd invite you in, but my dad is on the couch still sleeping, he hasn't tried to go upstairs yet."

He sat on the step at the front of the door, I followed suit sitting beside him. There was a silence between us, a surprisingly comfortable one.

"Sorry to call so late, or early." He corrected when he checked the time on his phone. "I couldn't sleep."

"It's fine." I stated because honestly it was, I'd rather speak with him when nobody was around.

I could feel his eyes on me and as I turned those brown eyes were straight on mine. It was dark but I could see the uncertainty in his face with the solar lights my mum had put in the garden. He looked like he had the world on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry about your Mum, I still can't believe it." I admitted because I still couldn't quite wrap my head around it.

"She will be fine." Adrian dismissed looking straight ahead.

I was taken back by the comment. Ignorance wasn't going to change the fact that his mum was dying. She didn't have much time left and if he didn't come to terms with that soon, it was going to be too late.

"Adrian, she's terminal."

Again, the silence stretched between us but this time it was like an unwelcomed friend. He rubbed his hands up his thighs as he looked off up the road.

"I can't accept that Syd, she's all I have." He whispered.

"Listen Adrain, I know this isn't easy, but she doesn't have long left. If you don't prepare yourself or make the most of the time you have with her you'll regret it."

"She doesn't deserve this." He stated cautiously.

"No, she doesn't, she definitely doesn't." I agreed.

I turned my head wiping my tears away, so he didn't see. This wasn't about me right now and as sad and devastating as this situation was, it was his mum not mine. He was the one that needed support.

"She apologised because she was too tired to make my lunch this week and no matter how much I tell her it's fine or how much I have told her to just rest she still continues to do what she can. She's too stubborn." He sighed sounding frustrated.

"Well now we know where you get it from." I chuckled in return.

"She raised me Syd, my dad died a couple years after I was born, and she never made me feel like I had less than someone with two parents. She came to my football games and showed me how to fish because she said she wanted to teach me all the things my dad couldn't. She has the biggest heart I know and now she is going to leave, and I just can't bring myself to accept it." I could hear the emotion in his voice, it was heart-breaking.

The tears were falling down my cheeks, again I turned wiping them away thankful that he was still looking off into the distance. When I came here I wanted to hate him but now, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. I knew though, nothing could make this alright.

"Where's Nick?" He asked.

"Sleeping like normal people at this time." I answered trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm not sorry for what I said about him, you deserve so much better than that man. He isn't right for you, he's the type of person that drags a person down just because he can, and I just don't want that to happen to you." He again turned to me, his serious face stunting the breath in my chest.

"Honestly Adrian, I appreciate you caring but it's none of your business and I don't want to sound like a b***h when I say that but right now I'll worry about me, and you sort yourself out ok?" I answered after some silence.

"Just be careful and be wary. Promise me?" He took my hand squeezing it tightly and the ripples of electricity bounced up my arm making the hairs rub uncomfortably against my dressing gown.

"I promise." I nodded.

"It's just so hard sometimes." He hadn't let go of my hand and something in me didn't want him to.

"What?" I queried.

"Living."

I didn't respond, I just sat there letting the cold breeze surround us. There wasn't any point telling him otherwise because he was right, life was bloody hard at times.

"You need to accept what's happening Adrian." I sounded stern and honestly it was because I cared too much for him to be in denial anymore.

"I can't." He dismissed pulling his hand from mine. "I just can't." He again fumed.

I watched him pull his hands through his hair several times as he rested his elbows on his knees. I hated having to be the one to tell him the inevitable.

"She is going to die and right now she needs her son by her side. She needs him to show her his love and give her good memories in the time she has left. She needs you to hold her hand through the pain. This isn't just hard on you; she is going to die, she is going to leave you and she will be worried sick about you. You need to step up."

He launched to his feet grabbing one of my mums' gnomes and throwing it off to the distance, so it smashed on the path. It hadn't even settled before he had fallen to his knees sobbing into his hands. I ran over to him hugging his back, his arms came over mine as the sobs racked through him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered through my own tears.

There was no telling how long we stayed like that. Time didn't matter, all that mattered was his realisation that his Mum was leaving us soon and he had no control over that.

"I thought she would see me grow old and have kids you know." He admitted.

"She will see it, just from a whole other place. All you can do now is make her proud."

"I'm sorry I came here Syd, I didn't know where else to go."

I walked round sitting in front of him. Taking his hands in mine I smiled faintly up into his solemn face. This was the most emotion I had ever seen him wear and probably would be one of the few times I ever would.

"I think this is where you needed to be."

"Me too." He agreed. "Who else would tell me my Mum would die and I just had to face it eh?" He remarked sarcastically.

I couldn't help the laugh that stumbled from my lips, he chuckled too although there wasn't much effort in it. He looked exhausted.

"You better get home and get some rest." I stood up pulling my dressing gown tight around me.

"I don't really sleep I just sit on the chair next to my Mums' bed and nod off every now and then. I get up in the morning before she's up, so she doesn't know. She'd go off on one if she did."

My heart ached at that thought. He may act like the biggest d**k on the planet but when it came to his mother he had the softest heart, it was one of the things that made me fall in love with him back in the day.

"Well, try get some rest. You can't run on empty; it makes you snappy and I have to work with you two days a week. If you value your life you'll sleep for a few hours."

"I'll see what I can do." He remarked dryly.

I watched him leave, noting he must have walked here. He disappeared into the distance like he hadn't been here to begin with. Still, I stood there for several seconds taking in what had just happened.

When I entered the house, I went over to my dad tucking the cover up around him. I don't know what I would do if I was in Adrian's situation and to be honest, I didn't want to think about it because I loved my parents to pieces.