The Billionaire’s Lover

CHAPTER 4: Homeland Nostalgia

I ONLY HAVE one goal now… and that is to leave this trap, be on my own with my freedom and fate in my hands—not with anyone else. There has always been a limit to bearing the struggle, to bear the tight hold on one’s neck and being a puppet for someone. At this point, I have already reached mine and no one can hold me back anymore.

Various luggage is scattered around my room with some already fully packed and placed near the door while some are still open for my remaining things. When I first moved into the penthouse, I didn’t spare a hand to pack all of my things because Mom was the one who had the maids pack it all up for me, despite my disagreement. But now that I am doing it, I feel bad for them. If only I hadn't been doing this secretly, then things would be easier.

“Don’t you think you should think this through first?” Marley suggested it many times now.

“I already told you what I did for the entire night, and I still end up with the same answer!” I put down my folded tops on my opened luggage before looking up to her. “Is it that hard to accept that I want to stand with my rebel status and run away?”

She looked at me in uncertainty that made me scoff. I couldn’t blame her for it entirely. The fact that during those times I secretly go out and use a business trip as an excuse to party and getaway, I still end up following my mother’s orders at the end. I also always get caught with my activities no matter how much I try to hide my agendas. I wasn’t sure if I was just bad at hiding or she just really had her eyes on me completely.

“And you think running away to the Philippines is the only way to escape from your Mom?” she questioned again.

“No…” she looks at me in disbelief. “but I’m hoping it will.”

With the thought of running away, I couldn’t help but think of that country alone. I don’t know why, but I felt that it was the perfect place for me to go instead of going to a non-tropical country instead. After all, out of all the countries, that one is what I felt more familiar with and badly wanted to go to after 7 years of not being able to come there because Mom wouldn’t let me go.

There was a sense of comfort and nostalgia whenever I thought of staying there again. The first reason was to run away. The second… is to find out why I wanted to come there in the first place after several years. Why did I leave in the first place? Why am I not allowed to be there?

“We studied in the Philippines for almost 4 years, right?” I looked at Marley, only to see her looking down to the floor. “From what you told me, we only have a year left before graduating. If we do… then why didn’t we just stay there and finish it instead?”

That is what I have always been curious about. After graduating in 12th Grade in Los Angeles, I proposed studying in the Philippines for College, since I find it fascinating why our cousins choose to study there instead abroad. They could choose Singapore or London but they chose to be there. I wanted to know the reason why, so I told Mom that I will study there in return for following her orders in the future, which I just realized is the possible reason why my mother is making me her puppet now.

She let me go knowing she will have more power over me in the future, which I will be harder to handle. My sister helped me to find a good school for my desired course, so I ended up studying at one of the top universities there. It was actually easy to adjust because everyone is approachable and nice. Marley was also there with me, so I find being there enjoyable.

…but that is what I only remember.

They told me that the reason why I was sent back here to the States is because of the accident I got involved in. It was a car accident and I almost died, which caused their fear of losing me, so they thought the only way to keep me safe was to leave that country. I believed in them because I can’t even remember what happened during the incident. But I have always been curious about what actually happened.

It always felt like there is a missing piece in my brain that is stopping to fulfill my memories of the past. There is always a gap that I think I missed or just probably decided not to remember anymore, but that would be impossible. I tend to remember some things,especially if they are important, even though years have already passed. But in the span of 4 years of staying in that country, I can only remember a few.

“T-to keep you safe. Remember?” she stutteringly answered, which caused the suspicion to grow in my head.

I knew staying here wouldn’t give me an answer, so I had to create a reason to go there. Fate is probably just with me because the urge to run away kicks in at the right moment.

“By the way, why were you angry when I told you I was planning to go to the Philippines?” I asked her, folding my remaining tops.

When I told Marley about my plan to escape, I remember her being so furious regarding the decision to stay in that country. She was so against it that I felt suspicious that she was hiding something from me. But then again, she wouldn’t do that! I thought she was just worried about my rash decision.

“I wasn’t angry, Ash. I was just…” She looks away, trying to come up with an answer but only to end up sighing. She put down my pants and approached me on the floor, making me face her. “Ashley, this whole plan of yours to escape… you know that there are consequences for it, right?”

Consequences.

“I know… I know that so well,” I whispered.

“Then why do you still want to leave?” she persistently asked.

“Because I am tired of staying here, Marley. I couldn’t take being Mom’s puppet anymore. My conscience won’t take it to marry a generous, nice man whom I don’t really love. I can’t let ourselves be trapped in an unwanted marriage, Marley.” I sighed, looking at her with tiredness. “And if I stay here longer… I will end up getting crazy. Let me get out of the vicious hands of my mother, Marley… please.”

I was so desperate. In my life, I never expected that a day would come that I would reach the point where I would beg for my own freedom. That I will beg to escape and find every way to make it possible. I was indeed given the privilege, but what comes with it… I don’t really like it.

She looked at me while I stared back at her in anguish. The only way to make her let me go is to use my own weakness and hers. I need to use her deep concern for me in order to make this plan work.

Marley ended up sighing as I knew that I had won. “Fine! But… you will tell me everything, okay?”

“I will.”

We packed the entire day without letting anyone enter my penthouse. We even had our ordered food picked up downstairs instead of asking the staff to bring it up. I also disclosed my plan to Marley which she finds incomplete—leaving New York, then arriving in Manila and staying there for as long as I can—which she is not wrong.

In order to prevent the hole and make the plan work, she insisted on making me live in the condominium she used to live in back there. I have my own but staying there will give my parents an idea that I am back in that country. I first thought of renting an apartment instead, but she told me it would be too risky with all the things that I have with me. It was like risking my own life for my designer clothes and bag, so I had no choice.

For the money I will be using there temporarily, she suggested using her bank account upon my arrival so they won’t be able to trace where I use my cards. I transferred a few amounts from my account to the one she will be lending me but I could only transfer a small amount because Mom checks my records. That is why she insisted on lending me money which she insisted on not being paid back.

We plan more for my escape and how things will be like once I leave. I asked her to take care of my secretary for a while—to make my secretary her assistant for a while so she wouldn’t lose her job. What we just need to make sure is that… no one finds out about my whereabouts. Not even my sister, nor our other friends. It’s risky to tell more than one person because the alibis might not match at the end.

Now… the only thing left is to leave.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Jessica and I’m your Chief Flight Attendant. On behalf of Captain Gonzales and Captain Mendoza, and the entire crew, welcome aboard Star Asia Airlines Flight PR 127, a non-stop service from New York to Manila.”

A one way trip.

The different kind of weather hits my skin the moment I come out of the airport. Unlike New York, it felt so hot that I had to wear my thick jacket or else I would be sweating a lot. All of my luggage comes in at least five carts, being pushed by the people that Marley set up for me in order to get to her condominium safely.

I looked around and saw a lot of people welcoming their possible relatives. There are some who are waiting while some are about to leave already. But most of all, as always, I am the center of attention with everyone’s eyes on me as they walk past me.

“Let’s go, Ashley,” A new life begins.

It was what I had expected it to be. The traffic is heavier under the scorching sun above the skies, which gives a blinding vision upon eye contact. There are people on the side-walks with some in semi-formal clothes and casual ones. Some are also selling different kinds of items next to the road, just like in New York. It was almost the same there with the busy-like aura of this new city I am in. I could get used to it.

The ride took longer than I expected because of the traffic jam, so I couldn't do anything but wait instead. I remained seated in the back seat comfortably with my airpods on at high volume—blasting off songs that will help me cope with this traffic—while roaming my eyes outside the car window. It felt like it was the first time I had been here, despite not being that real fact.

The tall buildings, fresh surroundings and fascinating people to look at, it all felt so familiar yet unfamiliar. It was like coming back to a city that I have long of coming after a long time of disappearing. A piece of my broken puzzle in life.

There is a doubt inside me upon my arrival in this new city. I kept on thinking whether leaving the city where I have a stable career, stable financial income and a fully comfortable home was worth it for this new city where I feel new. I could indeed feel the instant freedom, but yet… it felt I was doing something so wrong. The fact that I have been rebellious in secrecy shouldn’t give me enough reason to regret my decision to leave now, but it was the feeling of not being certain about how I will turn out to be here.

We arrived at the condominium that surrounds tall buildings and New York-like surroundings. It’s like looking at the usual scenery up in my penthouse—a mesmerizing view from above. I wasn’t questioned about my presence in the lodge and was even escorted into the unit by one of the receptionists himself like a VIP. Maybe it was Marley’s doing, but nonetheless, I am thankful for the guidance.

I got some help with my things to take them to my room. It was bothersome and I felt sorry because of the hassle, so I ended up giving them a tip in return for their help. The man who drove me here also handed me a car key that Marley instructed to give me upon arrival here, so I won’t hassle with commuting in this new city that I am not used to anymore. It was his last job before leaving me in the unit alone.

“She does used to live on the right floor.” I whispered, looking outside the glass window.

The unit was massively big enough for one person to live in. It was almost as big as my penthouse back in our hotel if I am not wrong. Upon entrance to the unit was a modern-styled living room with a piano in the corner, tall curtains, a glass wall in one corner of the room that gave a clear view of the city, and a balcony. The dining room is also located next to the living room with big access and can fit atleast 10 people already.

Marley told me that this unit has a total of four rooms and a utility room where a maid can stay but she turned it all in different kinds of likes. The first room was kept as a guest room, with the following room next to it being replaced as the home study that has countless books on the shelves and a fixed table in the middle with a personal restroom, and parallel to it is the big kitchen and utility room. The next room to it was turned into a big walk-in closet with countless shelves to hang my clothes and some drawers to use. Parallel to it is an average room with some of her paintings placed.

The main highlight was the massive master's room. It looks so grand with several glass windows in two corners of the room and a queen-sized bed in the middle. The chandelier didn’t help to keep it less grander, adding the expensive furniture and a comfortable couch on the side. There is a television, another average walk-in closet, and a personal bathroom with tub inside as well.

“This isn’t the place you stayed at back in college,” I said, chopping the chicken breast into medium dice.

For the last few hours, I just kept on moving and moving to occupy myself due to jet lag. I ended up fixing all of my things just to distract myself the whole time. I unpacked my clothes and hanged them in the closet myself. I was just lucky because there were prepared hangers already, so it was less of a struggle. After that, I decided to change the sheets because it didn’t look like they had been changed already. Doing those got me hungry and it was at the right timing because dinner came without me even noticing it.

“I stayed in the same building back then but in a different unit, babe. It was smaller and is the right unit for one person.” she explained casually, through face time.

“You should have let me stay there instead. This unit is too big for me.” I slightly argued despite being thankful still.

“Ashley, you live in a penthouse! That unit is not even enough yet compared to your previous home,” she says, looking at the camera in disbelief. “Besides, its better to have you occupy that place while you are there so it would be kept and my pay won’t be put to complete waste. It’s been years since the last time I was there and I only had some people to clean the place up.”

“But still, this unit feels so… lonely and quiet. The penthouse is indeed bigger, but it felt slightly uncomfortable being in here,” I confessed.

The first time I walked into this unit, I was happy and delighted because I was provided a comfortable place to stay in. But as hours passed by, the silence of the massive unit started to bother me that I had to blast on loud music on the speaker just to distract me from any negative thoughts. It was when it hit me the first time, is this the kind of freedom that I really wanted?

“Then I will have my trusted housekeeper to stay there with you so she can help with the place as well. I know you won’t be able to keep the unit properly without others' help anyway,” she says, a little sarcastic.

“I was about to say thank you, but your sarcasm makes me wanna fly back there and push you off your glass window.” I frankly told her that made both of us laugh. Seconds later, that big smile disappeared on my lips again. “Marley.”

“Yeah?”

“What I did… do you think I made the right decision?” she stopped from her work and looked at me in worry.

Out of all people, it is Marley that I probably trust the most—more than my sister. There is no bad blood between Lilly, my sister, and I. Rather, we are so closed. But it wasn’t enough for me to tell her all of my worries. I was too afraid that I would bother her more with those, so I tend to depend on Marley most of the time instead, despite the sarcasm in her—I know she cares so much for me behind those sarcastic words anyway. That is why I tend to ask her about things like this.

“Are you starting to regret leaving?” she frankly asked.

But I… I remained unspoken, looking down at the cut chicken breast instead.

“Before you left, I asked you to think about it more, didn’t I?” I nodded my head, not looking at my iPad screen. “I asked you because I know how indecisive you are. You tend to back out at the last moment when you feel that you were doing wrong even though you weren’t sometimes. I only backed out when you look so determined to leave everything that is in here to start a new and find the freedom you have always wanted. But now…”

She only sighed at the end.

“I’m horrible, wasn’t I?” I whispered.

“You’re not. Just indecisive.” she tried cheering me up as I put on a small smile instead in return. “When you told me about your plan, I knew that you weren’t just blabbing anymore, Ash. You want to get away from the crazy world you are in. You wanted to get away from your mother’s lash, which is why I immediately got where you were coming from. You have a clear goal in your head and I was actually happy that you came up with it.”

“We have been friends for so long now, Ash. I know your ups and downs. I was there at your lowest and your highest. Your decision this time? It wasn’t a bad thing.” I looked at her on the screen for reassurance but I only saw her sincerity. “What made you pull out this trick is the growing hatred inside you. It wasn’t as far as protecting yourself as well already from any more problems that might affect you in a way that you wouldn’t expect. You were doing this for yourself, Ash… that is what is important.”

“I won’t end up regretting that I came back here, right?” I questioned in uncertainty.

For a short while, she stared at the screen with thoughts in her mind obvious in her face. It was the same expression I had seen back at the club when I questioned her reaction. It was between she was hiding something from me and just having deep thoughts while trying to asset the situation. But nonetheless, it was too suspicious still.

“You won’t,” —she gulped— “as long as you decide for yourself now. So, Ash… have your freedom now. You truly deserve it.”

Do I? Some freedom wasn’t meant to feel like one deserves it so much after countless struggles. There was limitation to everything. And I know mine… it will be temporary, because sooner or later, it will be revoked again. In the end, I will only be left with regret and guilt of making a bad decision.