The Monster Within Me

Chapter 9

I followed  Ylva to the library and she led me over to her small corner with her desk and her more personal books that were read, as I had learned, only at her discretion. She was flipping through the pages of a very large and old looking book. As I peaked over her shoulder to try to get a better look, I saw that the book was full of illustrations that looked like monsters, but none of the descriptions were in English.

"Please sit, I'm just looking for the right description so that I can tell you a theory of what exactly I think is going on with you dear." She said in a voice a grandmother would use to speak to a small child. She was trying to comfort me, could her news be that bad?

"Aha! Found it," she said while she turned the page around and put it on the table between us. "Now, as you can probably tell already, the circumstances surrounding not just your first shift, but also your life are not entirely normal. You were raised under the understanding that you were human, which you are not. Not only that, but you have successfully built a relationship strong enough with your wolf to allow her to shift far quicker than any wolf that has existed in centuries. However, you are not the first to have attained these things in your life either." As she turns to pick up a second book that I hadn't seen before, the door to the library opens and Alpha Fen and Quinn enter.

"Perfect, this saves me from repeating my story and theory, please take sit gentlemen, you haven't missed much" Ylva gestures to the other chairs on my side of the table. As they sit, Quinn gives my shoulder a squeeze and gives me a small, reassuring smile.

"What have you found Skald Ylva?" Alpha Fen asks in a calm voice, his face and eyes betraying the brimming curiosity he's feeling.

"Fen, you know to simply call me Ylva if we aren't around the other wolves, the same goes to you two. In private there's no need for formalities, they drag out conversations. Now, as I was telling Maya, although the circumstances surrounding her werewolf identity are abnormal, they are not altogether unique. There was one before her that experienced things much the same way that she is." Ylva said, her tone becoming more and more serious as she continued.

"The boys know the story Maya, and now I am going to tell you. There is a man of legend, born of two worlds who was destined to save the very world as you know it millennia ago. This man was a hybrid. Half werewolf and half-vampire, he was stronger than any werewolf or vampire and had powers bestowed upon him from both the werewolf moon goddess and the goddess of the night that the vampires worship. His job as that hybrid was to use those powers to defeat the vampire king Vlad who, at the time, was trying to claim and conquer our realm as his own to increase his power. He failed because of the hybrid and all the vampires were banished back to their own realm in an effort to prevent another hybrid from being born."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm part vampire? That pale disgusting thing that nearly tried to kidnap and most likely later kill me? There is absolutely no f*****g way that's true. I don't even drink blood so there's the other issue." I was on the edge of another panic attack. As if learning you're a werewolf after nearly 18 years wasn't bad enough, now I'm a stupid blood sucker? Nice try.

"No other wolf has ever done what you have without training, our very own enforcers were training today to learn how to shift and keep their clothing intact. That is not something a new wolf can grasp the concept of, let alone perfectly execute during their first shift Maya. You must know that you're special. You've known you were a wolf for less than 2 months and have already fully shifted with no difficulties. There is a reason most wolves cannot even attempt such a thing until they mature to at least 14, they can't control the wolf enough to trust them to let them shift back into a human, so they must train them in order to get their wolves to submit to them when they need them to."

I didn't have any of these issues with Kaia, she had been the one training me. Training me... Almost like she was preparing me for something. s**t.

"How do you know for sure that I'm a hybrid? Are there any tests that can be done?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm as I could manage while I was shitting myself at the news. Beside me both Alpha Fen and Quinn were frozen in shock. They looked like they couldn't even move properly.

"Is that- is that the strange power that I feel inside her sometimes when she's angry?" Quinn asked in a voice barely above a whisper. 

"Strange power? What power?" I asked, my voice coming out harsher than i had intended, but can you blame me? I felt like I had been lied to my whole life instead of the few weeks that I had known him.

"When we met in the street that first time and you got angry, there was like this aura of power that felt like it was leaking out of you when you got angry. It felt like it was trying to consume me from the inside out, and yet it felt inviting, like I would have let you even if that was your intention. It was the most confusing thing I had ever felt in my life, and yet you didn't seem to know you had even done anything. i figured you didn't know that either of those things were living inside you considering you didn't immediately notice that I was a werewolf myself and I was right." Quinn said everything with an even tone even though his face was still a mask of shock.

"The only way to know if she is a vampire for sure is to wait until she reaches maturity in the eyes of a vampire which is 18 years old. When she reaches that age, her body will change and it will still need regular human food, but you will need to consume blood in order to keep your sanity. You will crave it if you are a vampire, but because you would be a hybrid, I would hope that means you would have better control of your blood-lust. You will also be bestowed a gift from the moon goddess and the goddess of the night respectively if I am right. These gifts are supposed to help you in the war against vampires." Ylva said calmly.

"I'm sorry, I could have sworn you just said war. Look, I didn't sign up for any of this. I don't even know who my biological parents are to test this stupid theory of yours, because that's all it is, a theory. I can't even save myself let alone an entire freaking realm. This has got to be some kind of mistake-" I was cut off by a now familiar voice in my head.

It is not a mistake and you know it. You are simply scared of the truth, but I will help you through this journey.

"Why the heck didn't you tell me before Kaia? Is this what you've been hinting about this whole time?" In my growing frustration, I forgot that i didn't have to speak out loud in order to converse with her. The others in the room were looking at me with very different expressions. Ylva with a calming, understanding smile, looking welcoming. Alpha Fen was looking at me with apprehension, almost like he was scared of what he had just learned. Quinn's face was filled with fear, but it didn't look like this fear was for himself, but for me.

I was not suppressed by accident Maya. I had to fight a spell put upon you when you were young in order to appear to you in the flashes that led you to see glimpses of me. I have had to fight to make you aware of me and I have been watching your life from the background ever since you were a baby. I can guide you through the adjustment period, but you must be willing to learn to control the powers you will receive or they will consume you.

I want to find them. To know why they gave me up to live half a life. Why they didn't want to keep me and love me themselves.

We can look for them, but you must agree to train for what is to come, we must become stronger to save those we love now.

I closed my  eyes and took a few deep breaths to steady myself. I was going to do this, train to fight in a war against an immortal king who had a lot more time than I did to prepare. I was also going to get answers, I was going to find my birth parents, and I'd do it alone if necessary. I needed to know why they chose to give me up, and if it even bothered me at all.

"Fine. Kaia says I need to train and she's right, I'll prepare myself as much as i can in the time I have. How much time do I have before this Vlad guy comes to try to kill me?" I was trying to sound confident and sure in my decision, but if they couldn't hear that I was scared, they could certainly scent my fear.

"We have no way of being certain when he will come. There will be waves of smaller attacks before he himself comes for the final battle. That could be months from now or years. If he knows that you are young and untrained, he will come to finish you quickly. Which means we will do our best to keep that information hidden from him for as long as we are able. If he feels that you have already grown in power he might try to draw out the smaller battles in the hopes that they will tire you before his arrival. He lost once and he will not be keen on losing again." Ylva said in a serious tone I had not hear her use before.

"You will begin training  with the other enforcers after you've had some time to learn the basics. I will task Quinn with getting you familiar with a lot of that and you will also have private sessions with either of us twice a week in order to get your strength up quickly," Alpha Fen said, his voice the strong and level voice of an Alpha working to protect his pack. "You are not only the hope of my pack Maya, but that of every wolf. I will do everything I can to help prepare you." He fisted his hand over his heart and bowed his head slightly, the sign of respect normally given to alphas from the wolves in their pack.

"Once you've learned enough, you will begin immediate field testing. If we have not caught the beast we are hunting by then, then you will hunt and kill it yourself with the help of a chosen few enforcers"

"Beast? Nobody said anything about a beast," I said, panic leaking through again. How many more surprises can I be expected to endure in one day? "Please tell me it's not bigger than a bear, or that you guys are already super close to finding it yourselves."

"We aren't that close, but we have an idea of what it looks like," Quinn said, leaning forward to flip through a few pages. The picture he landed on was something straight out of a horror movie, "One of the abducted wolves from the pack had a sister who followed him the night before he was taken, she described the beast in question and her description matches this photo. He is Vlad's pet and he is the first level of attack he has launched on us so far."

"Abductions? Pet?! That thing looks like it eats cows for breakfast." I who never sweats was beginning to sweat from the fear I had of facing this thing. 

"I forgot that we'll need to fill her in on what's been going on. Quinn and Alpha Fen can do that for you darling. I'm going to make sure your friends don't start sharing what they saw today before we can confirm anything for sure on your birthday. You can come find me here if you need anything, ok?" Ylva said while standing, I gave her a nod and she stepped around the table to put her hand on my shoulder, "Everything will be alright, these are some of the toughest wolves I've known, and I've been around a long time. You listen to them and you'll be fine." She gave me a smile and left, closing the door to the library behind her with a firm click. I felt like a new chapter of my life started with that click.

For the next 30 minutes Fen and Quinn gave me all the details of what they had been working on and why Quinn was down in Arizona in the first place. I was shocked that all those people had disappeared and nobody outside of the pack had thought to say anything. Even though wolves mostly kept to themselves, many of them still worked regular day jobs in order to still get an additional income instead of the pack allowance that was available to all pack members.

Once they were sure I was up to date, Alpha Fen excused himself to get some training material in order for me for my first session the next day. I was alone with a very stressed out looking Quinn.

"You look like you were just informed you were half vampire" I said lightly trying to break the tension with a joke.

"Ha, I'm sorry I don't mean to be like this. I'm normally able to have better control of my emotions. Are you okay? That was a lot of stuff to take in." He said, placing his hand on my knee in comfort.

"I'll be okay, even though it's definitely more than I signed up for when I agreed to the whole werewolf thing, nothing can be confirmed until my birthday, so I'll train hard until then and hope that even if I am half vampire, that I'll be okay." I said with a confidence that I didn't truly feel, "I also wanted to ask you for your help with something."

"Of course, what's up?" He asked, his eyes sparkling with interest.

"I'm sure these attacks aren't going to be isolated to Arizona, so while I'm traveling to fight them, that you'll come with me."

"I would have volunteered anyway if you hadn't asked, this just saved me from the possible rejection." He said with a smile.

"Great, because while I'm not fighting or training to fight better, I'm going to be looking for my parents, so I'll need your help." I said patted him on the shoulder and stood up. Before I lost my nerve I bent and kissed him on the cheek before leaving to sleep off the headache I could feel starting from this shitty news on a day that started off so good.