Outcast: Daughter of The Moon

Birthday Wishes

It was the next day, following the same routine for Kaz. Having completed all of her day’s chores and lessons, she decided to sit in her nook and read a book until the bell rang for the students to depart for home.

She tried hard to concentrate on the words as she read the pages-it being her favorite book. But for some unfortunate reason, her mind constantly drifted on the conversation that she had with the Alpha Crescent the day before. The subject of her birthday wish lingered on her mind incessantly as it always did during that time of year.

This birthday wish subject was one similar to the many other conversations that they had in the past. And as always, Kaz held on to the secret longing of wanting to leave the confines of her room. However, for some reason, in particular, the held-back thought was more bothersome to her this time than at any other. It had seemed for the past few weeks that her need to be released from that room became stronger, almost as if something was pulling her to it. She took it as a sign of the yearning of having a life.

Could this assuming yearning be because Kaz was getting older? The older she got, the more interested and anxious she’d become to touch toe to the outside world. Of course, that was a big part of it but as much as she would hate to admit this, Kaz also felt the begrudging feelings of emotion; jealousy, maybe envy, and the most worrisome to her of them all-resentment.

How could she feel this way? About the man and his mate-the two that brought her out of the snowy cold as an infant, nurturing and caring for her up until that very moment. ‘How could I be so selfish?’ She thought to herself.

‘After all, they have done for you-taking care of you as if you were their own-giving you a comfortable place to lay your head. Clothes to wear and food to eat-teaching you things that you would never have dreamed to know and you still want more. How selfish of you, Kaz.’

The voice was so loud Kaz almost thought for a moment that it was someone else scolding her. But she knew that there wasn’t. It was her own self-loathing that was beating her up.

“I am so disappointed in you.”

The sudden English accent that interfered with her thoughts, bayed Kaz to quickly turn around. There standing in the doorway of her room, arms crossed with a discerning look on her face was Crescenda Crescent, the Luna of the Crescent pack and the Alpha Crescent’s mate.

“Mrs. Crescenda-I-” Kaz quickly stood from where she sat, embarrassed even more so, now that she was found thinking those things in front of the Luna. Worst still was the fact that Crescenda Crescent had the specific ability of telepathy. She’d more than likely heard every single thought that Kaz just had a moment ago.

“How could you think so harshly of-”

“I am so sorry, Mrs. Crescenda.” Kaz bowed, regretting every thought that she’d let slip from her mind. “I-I did not mean to think those things! I-” Kaz felt that she knew that there was no way to talk herself out of this one. “I am grateful-I am so sorry that I made-”

“Hey! Hey, hey.” The Luna, Crescenda rushed to Kaz and knelt to her gently touching her shoulder. “Look at me Kazmiyah-” She said, touching Kazmiyah’s chin and ushering her gaze to contact her own. “I am not disappointed in your feelings, child.” She said, a soft smile appearing on her face suddenly. “I am disappointed because you did not tell us sooner that you are feeling this way.”

Kaz sighed as the Luna helped her from the floor. “I-I’m sorry, Mrs. Crescenda.”

“Stop apologizing, Kazmiyah, and do not ever bow to me again. You are a daughter to me.” She said with a curt gaze before she gave way to a perfect smile. “Why did you not say anything sooner about the way you’ve been feeling?”

They both sat on Kaz’s perfectly made bed before she answered. “Because my thoughts are ungrateful.” She finally said. “You have done so much for me-you and Mr. C. I should not be complaining about what you do not have control over.”

Crescenda looked at Kazmiyah for a long moment, not saying a word-just looking at her. She touched Kaz’s smooth brown cheek. Here stood a girl that, for her whole life had been locked away, never to experience the things that a teenager should. A girl that cut her hair just so she could feel closer to the normalcy of the outside world. She had every right to be upset and yet here she was, in self-loathing because her seclusion of that world made her unhappy.

To Crescenda, Kazmiyah was the epitome of a near-perfect child. In more than a few cases in her life, she wished that she was Kazmiyah's birth mother. Sometimes Crescenda would forget that she wasn't-what with some of Kazmiyah's mannerisms. Kazmiyah had even developed an accent similar to Crescenda's due to being so close to one another during Kazmiyah's upbringing. The mere mistaken assumption would always be cut short, however, when Kazmiyah called her Mrs. C, instead of mother.

Crescenda knew that Kazmiyah meant nothing by it-that she was only trying to be respectful and not wanting to come off as forward, knowing that the Crescents were not her biological parents. Nevertheless, it still bothered her at times. Still, her moments of discomfort, she was sure, held no candle to the constant loneliness that her Kazmiyah must have constantly felt.

“Kaz-you are right; there may be things that are out of our hands concerning your existence in our world-things that we do to keep you safe.” She said. “But you have to keep in mind that you are still a kid-with very special circumstances, might I add. You should not bottle up your feelings just to keep us comfortable.” She added. “We want you to express yourself, sweetheart-I want you to express yourself.”

Kaz did not want to talk about the subject anymore, knowing that while Luna Cres assured that it was alright to be ungrateful, she did not feel the same. When a sigh escaped Crescenda, Kaz knew that she’d delved into her thoughts once again.

Crescenda nodded, understanding that Kaz didn’t want to talk about it anymore. So, she decided on another subject that, while should have been a delightful one, she knew it’d probably be just as controversial.

“Have you at least thought about what you want to do for your birthday?” She asked.

Yet another subject that Kaz did not want to discuss but knew she’d have no choice in the matter of doing so.

“You’re right,” Crescenda smirked. “I will allow a pass with the former of our conversation, concerning you trying to keep your discontent from my and the Alpha’s knowledge…. for now. However, your birthday wish-” She shook her head. “Not going to happen, dear.”

“B-but what if there’s nothing that I want?” Kaz countered.

The Luna just tapped the side of her head with an amusing smirk upon her face. “Come on, dear. I am an advanced telepath; of course, I know that you want something." She returned, though it was hard to get into Kazmiyah's head sometimes. Still, Kazmiyah didn't have to know that most of the time it was hard to delve into the young girl's mind. She had been particularly open in terms of her thoughts that day, however-quite unguarded, in fact. "And even if I weren’t-” Crescenda shrugged. “Everyone wants something, love.”

Kazmiyah sighed, wanting so badly to avoid this subject as it would only circle right back around to the one that they just dropped. She shook her head, not wanting to open up about her desires, however, knowing that she really had no choice in the matter.

“I…. just want to spend a day….out.” Kazmiyah finally said, trying to find a way to tell the Luna, Crescenda how she felt without sounding too redundant. “I...guess I just want to spend the day as a normal teenager?”

After she said those words, there was a moment of silence. This silence made it hard for Kaz to find the courage to even look into Crescenda’s eyes, for fear of what she may find in them.

When Crescenda’s silence grew to an unbearable height, Kazmiyah finally took a chance and looked at her. When she did, all she saw was the sympathetic gaze of an understanding woman looking back at her. Crescenda gently touched Kazmiyah’s shoulder and sighed.

“This is why you did not want to talk about your birthday.” She said. “I am glad that you finally said something.”

Kaz sighed, a soft smile upon her face before she looked away. “Not like you didn’t know in the first place.”

“True. Without reading your thoughts, it shows in your actions; how you make sure to finish your chores-no matter how many my Alpha gives you, just so you can be in time to watch the kids depart to go home.” She tucked a short curl behind Kazmiyah's ear. "The longing look in your eyes as you watch them. Or the fact that you cut your beautiful long hair just so you can fit into a society that knows nothing about you; just for a feeling of normalcy." She sighed. "I know and I see. I do not need to read your thoughts, love." She sighed, touching Kazmiyah's forehead.

Kazmiyah looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed that the Luna could notice something that she, herself failed to see. How desperate could she be to appear so transparent? She sighed in disappointment of herself.

Crescenda took Kazmiyah's chin to look at her. "I said all of that, to tell you, it is alright to feel this way. It's alright that you have those sorts of desires, love." She smiled. "I'm actually glad that you do. Don't fake that you are completely satisfied being locked here in your room-behind these walls." She kissed Kazmiyah's forehead.

Kaz nearly teared up as she took in Luna Crescenda's heartfelt words. She sighed and nodded her head, taking in a deep breath to keep the emotions at bay. "So, you really could see all of that huh?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, reading your thoughts does not particularly help my case, as shocking as that may seem." Crescenda Crescent finally decided on admitting. “Most of the time your thoughts, in particular, can be quite unclear." She chuckled. "You're actually quite guarded for a human-I'd consider that an ability in a sense." She smiled. "You're pretty-how shall I say open-minded today, however. Though, you're still unclear. It helps clarification when you choose to admit it aloud. Besides, I doubt that this is something that you have ever come clean about-even to yourself. Not aloud anyway.”

She was right, of course, Kaz had never even thought to say such a thing out loud. To do so, in her mind, was taboo to a fault.

“Kazmiyah, I have a question for you.” The Luna said softly.

Kazmiyah turned to her curiously. “Okay. Ask away.”

The Luna turned to Kazmiyah to better look her straight in the eye. “Are you afraid of me-of the Alpha?” She asked. “Is that why you are not open with us? Are you afraid that we will hurt you if you express dissatisfaction?”

Kazmiyah was surprised that the Luna came to such a conclusion and quickly attempted to reassure her that this was not the case when the Luna, Crescenda spoke again.

“Have we given you any indication that we were that type of parent?” She further asked.

“No!” Kazmiyah quickly attempted to answer. “No, not at all!” She said. “I just don’t- “

Kazmiyah didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Not until that moment, did she ever think that her silence about her true feelings led the Luna to believe such things. She suddenly couldn’t help wondering if the Alpha was thinking this way as well.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you-make you think that you have not been doing the best that you can.” Kazmiyah finally said. “You know I hate to complain-and, well I guess I just didn’t think-all things considered-that I really had the right to. Especially, given all that you and Mr. C have done for me-the risk that you are taking on a daily basis just to assure my comfort.” Kazmiyah shrugged. “In the scheme of things...I have a pretty decent life.”

"And yet you are so unhappy,” Crescenda said, caressing her adopted child’s cheek.

It hurt Kazmiyah to cause Crescenda-the only mother she’d ever known- to think such a thing. “I may have days of wishful thinking, but I am not unhappy.”

To this, Crescenda simply gave a small smile. “You’re a sweet girl.” She said, standing from where she sat.

Kazmiyah watched the graceful movements of the Luna, Crescenda, silently wishing that she could carry such class so naturally.

“I take it, Mr. C has a busy day today.” Kaz finally said in an attempt to avert her mind from such wishful thinking as well as the subject at hand.

Crescenda scoffed before she turned to face Kazmiyah again. “Yes, though busy is putting it lightly, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” Kazmiyah asked. “Surely, school isn’t weighing on him that much.”

“Oh no, I wish it were just school-unfortunately, it is much more than that.” She smiled. “However, you should not worry yourself with our problems.”

To this, Kazmiyah found her comment borderline amusing. “With all due respect, Luna-I have nothing else to do with my day nor do I have much to think about aside the books I read on a daily basis.” She chuckled. “I’d actually love to hear about life outside of these walls-whether they are good or bad.”

“Well, when you put it that way.” The Luna, Crescenda sighed. “I’m glad that you clarified whether it was good or bad-to caution you, though, it is not very good news.”

“What-what’s going on?” Kazmiyah was concerned now.

“Are you sure you want to know, love?” She asked.

“Of course! Anything that concerns you or the Alpha, I'd like to know.” Kaz rebutted. “Tell me.”

“Well, as you know, our town has never lacked in being attacked by the ferals and the wildlings.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kaz said, she’d witnessed a few from her room a few years ago. That evening was when Crescenda stayed the night to comfort her. “I remember.”

Crescenda knew what memory was brought back to Kazmiyah’s thoughts when she mentioned this attack. She touched her cheek gingerly, a smile appearing across her face as she too remembered the fond memory. Kazmiyah, having been significantly younger was far more naive and therefore sometimes dangerously curious. So, when the commotion outside between the Crescent wolves and the barbaric creatures of the Crescent forest Crescenda had a time with keeping her preoccupied. It wasn't to no avail, though, as eventually, Kazmiyah wound up having one of the best nights of her life that night, and was far more morose than usual when it was time for Crescenda to go.

“Well, everyone's pack has been at guard-even Alora’s chosen mate along with his pack.” She took in a deep exasperated breath. “I’ve even called upon a few wolves from my own pack.”

“The Blue Moon,” Kazmiyah said with wonder, as she recalled reading about how they are known for their telepathic strength and their beautifully golden-hued gaze.

“Yes.” Crescenda smiled. Her delight was short-lived, however, before she continued further. “But, lately the attacks-they have become more frequent-erratic and even more vicious.” She shook her head, trying hard to think. “We’ve not had attacks so frequent as this since-well since the night you were found-or at least from what I am told.”

"Where...were you that night? The night that I was found?" Kazmiyah asked before thinking better of it. It was only after she asked the question that she realized she may have been out of line. "Oh! I'm sorry, I should not have asked you such a personal question. I don't what came over me-"

"No, no..." Crescenda paused and then sighed. "It's fine," she added

with a reassuring expression. "I...was...well, you know...what going tempral means, right?"

Kazmiyah nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Well...having dealt with so many miscarriages, one day, I simply...lost it...my hope, my mind," Crescenda shook her head. "I was...lost," She continued to explain as she thought about that time in her life. "And meeting you was what made me find myself." She nudged Kazmiyah with her shoulder playfully. "That's not to say that it won't happen again, I'll admit."

The fact that the Luna said it so naturally, like she was expecting it or maybe even wanting it to happen again was sort of off-putting for Kazmiyah. "What do you mean?" She didn't mean to delve too deeply into the matter but she felt as though she needed at least a little clarification.

"Only that..I've always had a bit of a problem with, how shall I say, sticking with uniform society," She clarified. "It's as if Azura and I...well," She shrugged. "Let's just say, I have a bit of a reputation back at Blue Moon Bay." She confessed before her stare turned distant. "Part of the reason why it was so easy for me to leave."

"Ah," Kazmiyah simply replied. She really didn't know what to make of the vague explanation but she knew that Crescenda was starting to become a little uncomfortable going any further with the conversation. So, Kazmiyah decided not to push her for further explanation on the matter. "Well, I definitely understanding wanting to escape the norm," She replied. Crescenda's expression turned solemn and very sympathetic and that's when Kazmiyah realized that in trying to lighten the subject she only made it heavier by projecting her own withheld feelings of being trapped in her room. As Crescenda parted her lips to try and no doubt ease her troubled mind, Kazmiyah completely switched up the conversation again. “This is awful,” She said. “I wish that there was something that I could do to help with this thing that the Alpha-that you all are going through- “

“You can,” Crescenda said.

“How?” Kazmiyah quickly replied. “Anything, what is it?”

“Stay safe.”

Kaz was disappointed in the answer given to her by Crescenda. She was hoping that her words held more than a caution of safety.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Kaz finally returned. “What good is my life if I cannot use it to help those in need-whether inhuman or not? I feel like my training and everything is a waste of time. It’s only of use if I have the means to use it.”

“Trust me, sweetheart, a day will come when you may have to use it and when you do-” She shook her head. “You may regret your actions following the moment. Don’t rush placing your life at risk.” She touched Kaz’s shoulder sympathetically. “I wish you realized how precious your life really is to us.” She sighed and stood again. “Anyways, do not worry about the Alpha of Crescent. I have never seen a problem he could not lick.” She said. “Besides, if this is any indication of the night, you were found-” She smiled. “something good will come out of this.” She opened the door to Kazmiyah’s room. “Now, I am going to grab us some food. You stay put till I get back, so maybe we can talk a little further about your birthday wish.”