What About My Forever?

Chapter 13 The Details

Louise's POV

The applause is lifting my confidence high making me feel like this could be just what I have been asking for, for so long. That is until my feet lift off of the ground as I naturally start to flail my arms, squealing out before a burning sensation erupts on my back. I groan out in excruciating pain before reaching back, letting my fingertips make contact with the skin that feels like it's on fire. I keep groaning before I feel something piercing through my skin, feeling as if something or someone is stabbing me in the back, causing me to groan out even louder with the pain increasing tenfold.

I yelp out as a loud pop ignites close to my ears before I fall to the floor again. I feel tears pouring down my cheeks as I gasp for air, feeling the burning sensations in my back. I reach back trying to figure out why I was feeling this way, but my reach is cut off as my fingers instantly hit something soft. I delicately trail my fingertips over it, feeling feathers strung across a bone that seems to be protruding out of my back.

I try to remove them, but they are stemmed into my frame as if they have always been apart of me. But I have never felt a weight like this before. They are some thick and heavy wings.. Until my eyes widen, realizing what that means. "I have wings?" I ask no one in particular as Annalee runs to my side, grabbing my arm and helping me stand to my feet while steadying me. "Yes you do and they are beautiful.. They look so... you Lou.. Is it alright if I call you Lou, since I feel we are going to be good friends now?" She asks me as I nod at her.

"Yeah that's fine. But what do you mean by your comment that they look so 'me'?" I asked while trying to get a better look, but that's easier said than done when they are on my back. I probably look like a dog chasing its tail. "Oh that's because everyone's wings are a different color, shade or design.. and yours are stunning." she declares to me as I wipe away the stray tears that are still streaming down my cheeks from the pain that was inflicted on me without any warning.

I can only see my wings within my peripherals, so I decided to look straight up to see if I can get a look at them that way, since I don't see a mirror around here. It works, I can see that they are white with teal tips to each end, which I guess makes sense, since teal is my favorite color. I am grateful for that, at least they are pretty and something I would like since I have to have them forever after this.

"My back hurts so bad.. and these wings are heavy." I whine out touching the soft feathers under my fingertips, loving how beautiful they really are. Even though my aching back is telling me to hate them. I just don't think I ever could. "Eventually, you won't even know they are there. You will get used to using them and moving around with them. They will be like all your other limbs." She says with so much confidence in me as I groan out feeling them tip my body back and forth since I am trying to balance while walking with them.

I take a step forward before abruptly stopping just to tip back and forth like a boat in the choppy water. I try to balance but without Anna's help I am not sure if I would have been able to stay upright. This is much harder than I thought, I never even imagined that this would be the hardest part for me within this transition. But like she said, this should become easier for me when I get used to it.. for now I will just have to counter-balance the wings and hope that will be enough to start walking on my own instead of feeling like an infant child that's taking it's first steps.

Tilting forward then back, swaying like I was before this even happened, but I don't think the alcohol is in my system any longer. I put my arts out as I start to feel like I may be able to do this on my own. I can hear Anna's giggling igniting besides me as I glance over to see she is using one of her hands to help hold me up as another hand is covering her mouth and muffling her stifled laughing. I stick my tongue out at her as she whispers out. "Don't worry you will get used to it."

The laughter doesn't stop no matter how much she tries to hold it back. My eye squint as I try to glare at her and hold my smile back so she doesn't see that her blasphemous joke has merit. "I am sorry.. but until that time comes, I might have to hold back my laughter, just don't let it deter you from your progress. But I remember doing the same things. I just haven't seen that in so long that it seemed to have caught me off guard. My apologies."

"Yeah, yeah.. I get it.. Make fun of the new girl! But mark my words, I will get better at this and will be flying and running circles around you.. Eventually." I state with all the confidence in my abilities while she continues to shake her head and stifle her laugh before she playfully states, letting the words out from between her fingers that are still covering her lips. "I would like to see you try.. I have been doing this for almost one hundred years, so I think I could take you."

I try to stand as straight as I possibly can, but I'm still tipping so of course, she helps steady me before I turn to face the rest of them there. "What I am wondering, and not trying to sound like a dummy or that I was born yesterday or anything.. But.. Won't people see them? These wings are large and very noticeable on me. I have no way to hide them that I know of." I curiously asked as they all shook their heads at the same time.

"No they cannot see them.. The only way they could is of you went out of your way to show them intentionally.. But that is not allowed, because that exposes our world. You have to keep this to yourself. People out there don't actually know of our kind or that our magic exists anymore.. And we have to keep it that way for all of our sakes. This is a safety matter." The woman behind the desk declares this in a no-negotiating tone.

"Okey-dokey.. Let's do this.. Where will I go? I can go back down to my house. Grab my things and say goodbye.. It won't take long at all I promise. Then I will be on my way and never see them again." I state as the woman shakes her head without hesitation, looking at me with worry on her face. "No.. You have died in their eyes.. The worlds eyes show that. If you go there it will scar them in a way you will never understand. That is not fair for them. You have to let them heal on their own in their own ways. They can do it I promise.. So, you have to start out in some new place you have never been to not be seen by people you know ever again. We cannot let people know we exist, it's against the rules." I feel the air sucked from my lungs at that thought.

I died and don't ever get to say goodbye.. Nothing.. That's heartbreaking. I knew I was going to have to go elsewhere, but I thought I could at least say goodbye. "Can I leave a note? As if I wrote it before dying?" I ask as I notice everyone around me thinking about that, but not out right objecting. "Maybe.. As long as you're not seen.. Maybe if someone decided to help you, then you could, just to make sure you're not noticed." I am told this as I start nodding and thinking about just that.

How can I say goodbye without being seen or making it too obvious? "So I can't even tell them in confidence what has happened to me just so they can have some peace of mind?" I ask again, hoping that this idea and understanding may sway them. "No because there is always that possibility that someone else might see or hear.. Or even the harsh reality that your family might tell someone, anyone to help them in these hard times as well.. And once the news is heard, it cannot be forgotten. So no.. I'm sorry that is not possible, it will put everything we have worked for at risk." she states as I feel my head nodding. I do understand this is just hard.

She sees the hesitation stuck on my features as she adds. "Our people in the past have been tortured and used for our feathers, bones, and magical abilities to bring people together, but with bad intentions by the people demanding our help. It was not a good thing, so hundreds and hundreds of years ago we had to go into hiding, and we thankfully became a myth among other things. This is how we need it to remain for not just your safety but all of ours. I will only allow a note with no explanation of what has happened to you, only a note as if you wrote it before your untimely death. That's it no negotiations." she states, this showing that there is no wiggle room to get away with anything else than what she would allow.

That's hard to hear but I do understand where she is coming from. "Are they going to be ok without me?" I ask feeling the anxiety hit knowing that my mother and sister will be on their own. I feel a hand to my shoulder as I look up to meet her eyes as she is standing right in front of me and nodding. "I am not normally allowed to do this but since this is a particularly peculiar case.. I am going to say.. The man you set your sister up with, marries her, and she steps up working with your friends.. Her and her husband take care of your mother while creating their own family.. They are better off because you helped them find one another, and with your death that was the motivation for them to take over where you left off. It was, of course, hard on them.. but they knew the best way to remember you fondly was by taking over and doing what you did best." she declares to me.

I feel emotional at that thought, wiping away the tears that seem to endlessly flow from my eyes when letting that idea sink in. I start to nod loving that idea, I don't know if it is true, or she is just telling me what I wanted to hear, but either way it eased my mind. "Thank you for telling me that.. It helped." I say through sniffles as Annalee wraps her arms around me to give me a big hug, which I really needed in this moment.

"Thanks for that Annalee." she smiles at me as she says softly, "You can call me Anna." I sniffle little more as I nod. "Anna since you and Louise have been becoming close in this traumatic time for her.. I think it's only fitting that you be the one to help her with her note and even train her.. Would you be willing to be the one to teach her everything?" she asks as I see Annalee nodding vigorously still in my hold.

"I would love that as long as Lou is ok with me training her. I smile and nod before letting her go. "That would be great.. I would love that." I reply to the both of them as the woman snaps her fingers before catching a bow, and quiver in her hand. "These will be what you start off with and when you can get better at this you will be able to pick or choose if you want to use them or not. But Anna will explain all of that to you in time. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. We all have plenty of experience, but if you need me personally, just call my name and I will come to you." I am taking in the information, nodding as I such in some deep breaths that seem to be calming my body even if it is only for a moment.

That is until I realize something. "But wait.. I don't know your name." I declare as if it should be obvious, since she hasn't said it that I can recall. But she looks just as surprised by this. Maybe she got too excited about all of this and forgot. "Oh I am so sorry.. This was an exciting day for all of us.. We haven't had a new person, let alone a natural being, added to our team in a very long time.. So Miss Louise, my name is Gunnora. It is an honor to officially make your acquaintance. I hope you flourish with us here." She says curtsying in front of me as I do the same. "I hope I do as well.. Thank you for this opportunity, Gunnora."

"No problem.. I will leave the both of you to get acquainted and to start the training. Call me if you need me." She says but as we nod she disappears into a puff of white smoke as the others do the same, one after the other. There is nothing else said to me by any of them, they are not even giving me a chance to say hello or get to know them. But maybe there will be more time for that later. I mean I am going to be living forever so I think that should be enough time to get to know them.