What About My Forever?

Chapter 2 Need to Talk

Louise's POV

This job has given me purpose and makes me feel like for once I am not a waste of space. I had never had this type of experience before, and it was incredibly exhilarating, to say the least. But as time went on, my daily movements started to just be mundane in a way, the same things on different days, like I had always heard about in this type of setting. Which isn't bad but I can see why others might not like this day to day life after many years of tolerating it.

The days have all started to blend together. I would get into a type of trance as I would just do the same thing every single day like all the other ladies I work with do. We have all developed the same way of thinking to a certain point, so we have bonded in many ways, from during work to after-work hours. The weekdays are sometimes hard, but what seems to be even harder is just trying to get to the end of the week in one piece.

After so long of this same work routine with the same fun ladies, we have inevitably developed an after-work routine that is making this easier for all of us by stress relieving. Which consists of drinking, man-hunting, and dancing to make our stresses wash away as if they were never there. It has turned into the stress relief we have all been needing to keep us sane. Especially since I feel like I move nonstop as my body aches every single day, begging for a break.

I know though, that I can have my break when the horn blares out, screaming for all to hear, indicating the end of the day has arrived. This is hard work, but nothing I can't handle for the sake of my family especially since I am the only one working at the moment. There is only the three of us anymore. It's me, my mother and my older sister. Sadly though, my mother has been sick and needs as much attention as she can get, even though I'm afraid the attention and help that's given might not be of any use when it comes to her severe condition.

It's hard to think about but she doesn't seem to be getting better, just kind of stays the same. But at least she is not getting worse, so I'm hoping she is on the verge of getting better or at the least things will get more tolerable for her day-to-day life. On the other hand, my sister is a different story. She doesn't want to see what is right in front of her, our sick mother who needs our help. She just keeps herself busy doing who knows what, mostly what is told to me is that she is trying to fight the war but I don't see how that is possible when she is not doing anything at all, let alone getting remotely close to it herself.

Which is incredibly frustrating. I try to make her see things from my point of view and why we need her here with us, helping mom or at least getting a job and helping the town more than anything else. But she refuses to see what I am trying to show her. I do understand she can make her own decisions like I have, but doing nothing at the expense of our mother's wellbeing is not something I will allow. Right now, what is needed is to be holding down a job just to be able to pay for the medicine, food and doctors she needs at the moment.

The problem is that she is stubborn and won't believe me. I understand the hesitation, especially since I have been harassed for what I do but so have the other women, but that doesn't stop us. Or of this is about having to do the same things all day long, I get it, but I promise her every single time that it's hard work that is worth the effort put in every single time. Sadly though, as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. So I just give her time while reassuring her that this mundane life really isn't as bad as she thinks it is. You work hard and get paid. What could possibly be so bad about that?

I am learning more as I go and knowledge to me is worth more than money. I am gaining so much from the steps I have taken that I wouldn't take back one second of it. I used this opportunity to step up, to not only make a positive and new change within my life, but to do the same for my family. To help take care of them, since my mother obviously can't do that, being sick and all.

The hardest realization is that I feel like her condition got worse after my father and brother were killed in the beginning of the war. Maybe that was depression going hand in hand with the illness. Either way, someone had to step up and help our family, and I knew for a fact my big sister wasn't going to. She flat out told me that. So I have taken things into my own hands and have been doing very well with them, even though the work is still strenuous and boring all at the same time.

Now the only thing that seems to be missing in my life is a companion to be my strength, so I can finally have someone to lean on. For that someone to be the one I finally can give my heart to. I crave to have a love I have been longing for, for far too long, to be wanted and appreciated as I feel I have always deserved. The hard part is that I haven't had a man around me for a long time and have definitely closed myself off after my father and brother died so I could step up for my mother.

That was my fault because of the heartbreak, it was all too hard to come to terms with the fact that they were both gone and taken in the war that I hated so much. Then I attempted again to get out there, but then my mother got worse. So I just threw myself into taking care of her and that included the working aspect of my life to occupy myself from thinking of the pain. Distracting me with something that made me feel like I was helping no matter how hard things got in this life, at least I was helping.

It was far too easy to let the hard work consume me completely. As of lately, though, I have been feeling a deep loneliness taking over now that a routine has been established and the emptiness inside of me is more noticeable. It is taking over no matter how much I try to fight it. But nothing seems to bring the same feelings to your heart as someone who feels the same about you, in that way. I like coming home to spend time with my mother, but I just wish there was more to come home to. Something to make me smile, make my heart flutter as it hasn't done for some time. Something to bring in a happiness besides my friends and her. But maybe that will have to be enough for now.

The horn blares taking me out of this consuming thought as I look up, my eyes automatically get locked with my friend's excited orbs from across the room. The echoing of the horn lets us know this is no dream. We are done for the day and week. While looking at one another, we let out the same exhausted deep breath in unison, before letting our wanting-to-be enthused but small smiles creep upon our lips. This is our silent way of showing that we know exactly how the other feels with empathy and understanding.

The conveyor belts stop as the women start to walk all around, grabbing their things to hopefully head home. "Louie? Are you coming out with us tonight?" Mary calls behind her as she talks with Eloise and Martha, who are beside her as usual. "Yeah, same place and time?" I reply this back, while grabbing my jacket. "Yeah.. Do you want to come with us now? Can I give you a ride home?" She calls back.

"Yeah.. I.." I'm cut off mid thought as my supervisor pops his big head of silver hair out of his office door. "Louise Beals?? Before you leave, I demand a moment of your time." I look from him, then to the girls waiting for me. They see the questioning in my eyes, but know that I cannot turn him down if I want to keep this job and stay out of his glaring sights. "Yes, sir. I will be right up." I decare before grabbing the rest of my things in my hands.

I turn away from my machine looking up at my friends and their empathetic stares as I hear, "We will wait for you out front.. I desperately need to smoke." Mary declares as the other women nod before they turn around together to leave while they can before they get caught up in whatever this is. We all like to stay out of his sights if we can help it. When his sights are set on you, things normally don't end well.

Nervously nodding is all I can do towards them, understanding their desperation to get a breath of fresh air and away from this place. I watched as they pushed open the doors, then quickly left me alone in here. I turned on my heels and looked at my supervisor. He nods at me before shifting his weight, leaving room to get around him and into his office, showing me which pathway to take into that small room. My feet move on their own as I start walking past the other vacant machines, heading towards him to see what he may need.

With my heart beating out of my chest, I can't determine if my intuition is telling me that this interaction will be good or bad, so my mind seems to want to run away with that thought. Letting all the negative conclusions shoot through my head making things even worse on my all-stressing heart and mind. Thinking that there is something good coming from this talk seems almost impossible if you know our supervisor so those thoughts flutter away like a bird spooked.

Taking deep breathes is all I can do to try to get myself calmed, but it is not even remotely working. I don't think anything could calm my body down right now. Not even a bottle of my favorite whiskey after being emptied into my system. So I can determine that the only way I will calm down is after hearing what he has to say. Best to be getting this over with, I suppose.