Withering Love

Watching Him From Afar

Kaila's POV

In the same day of Geo's Dance Practice.

It's difficult for me to just watch him. I am longing for his presence. I mean his presence is there but his attention is not with me. I know it's my fault. I did not give a chance to talk and just judge the situation right away. Now, he is like a pearl under the ocean that is very difficult to get. Should I just allow that these things will destroy our past?

I am now following Geo. I think he knows that I've been watching him. I need to get closer to know everything if he's sincere or not. But my guts is telling me that he is sincere, and my mind is against it.

"Hey, what are you doing there?" It was Michelle. She just saw me hiding at the back of the door.

"Just nothing. I'm just waiting for someone and I am trying to shocked him." I think my excuse is not working. I am not really a good actress.

"Really?"

"Yes." I answered her. "Ah...by the way, where you heeding?"

She looks back and answered, "To the canteen, wanna come?"

"Yes, if you like."

"Sure." We left the Dance Room but my eyes and spirit is still there.

I am about to tell Michelle that I have to leave to do my tasks in different subjects, but my mouth was shut as she invite to go to the park.

"What are we doing here?" I ask.

"Do you know why I bring you here, Kaila?" She sounds serious.

"Why, Michelle?"

"Because I've been watching you since this morning, you're like a fool, or worst a dog. Why are you always tailing your boyfriend?"

"What?" I am shocked with what she just said.

"Be honest with me, Kaila? Did you have misunderstanding with Geo?"

"Huh? Uhm...yes?" I am hesitant to answer her.

"Since when?"

"Three days ago." Now, she sounds like my mom.

"Kaila, how old are you?"

"Thirteen years old. Why, what's with my age then?"

"You're in the right reason to decide Kaila, you are not his slave." I don't like to hear sermon but I can't just tell him to go and leave me. "Kaila, I pity you."

"What's wrong with you, Michelle?" I dare to ask her that particular one.

"I am just concerned to the situation you are in."

"Okay, then. I listened to all the advices you gave. Now, let me go because I still need to do my assignments. May I?" I get my bag combined with smash. I was already three-feet away from here as she permit to go. I wasn't able to hold my anger anymore. She is too much! That's why she has only a few number number of friends.

"You may, Kaila. But remember what I have just told you. Boys are like that nowadays. They tend to use us like puppies."

What is wrong with her? I asked that question, puzzling and trying to spell her feelings. She felt more that what I feel. Interferring other people's lives.

I went back to our classroom and sit there. I closed my eyes for a minute or two. When I opened my eyes, I saw Geo with his friends. They're planning something. I heard them talking about research. Research about what? They're going to watch some dance steps that they could apply in their dance team. I know it was Geo's idea.

The class during the day has ended, and here I am following the two, Geo and his companion. They're busy discusssing how they could make the team better. The're laughing as well. He really does think about me anymore. Maybe he is just trying to focus on what is best for the school and to our classmates.

For me, I am still watching him from afar. I wanted to be reconciled with him, but I think it's not yet the perfect time. Maybe I will just worsen the situation. Ooopppsss...they're coming. I hide myself inside the gutter. Almost there!

I wanted to follow him until he reaches home, but it will become very obvious. I return back alone, crying.

While the tears in my eyes are dropping slowly, I remember one poem that my mother used to say whenever she is sad and full of worries. The poem goes like this:

The world is so cold,

Preventing our love to give its full bloom.

Waiting for the rain to stop,

Is like waiting for you to come back.

Still far, like hopeless hope!

I stopped for a while at the gas station. I wiped my tears and continue walking. I am totally devastated. I don't know how it will end. I don't know if it is hopeful hope or hopeless hope. I now suffer because of my own faults. It seems impossible for him to be back with me again. The poem is right to say that.

I am very tired and I did not mind to eat anymore. I just want to rest, but even if I will rest, it won't satisfy me when you know that someone or something is lacking.

"Do you have fever, my dear?"

"None, Mom!" I reason out. "Am just tired due to some stressful assignments."

"Do you want me to prepare food for you, dear?"

"I don't have the appetite, Mom! Just let me rest!"

"Okay."

As I entered the room, my dad and my mom are talking about me.

"What happened to your daughter?" My father asks her.

"She's just tired as she said." My father paraphrased what I had told her. "You know her better than me, you come and comfort her."

For some minutes later, my father came inside my room. He sits besides me, tap my shoulder and ask a question: "You sure you're okay, my baby?"

"Dad, I am not a baby anymore."

"Yeah, I know. But you're still a baby for me." He is just looking for a way for me to smile.

"What's your problem, Kaila? I can help you, I am your father."

"Dad?" I started to cry, a heavy cry!

"Geo's not...." I barely finish my words. "He's not the way he was."

"What do you mean by 'he's not the way he was'?"

"He abandons me. He forgets me, dad, and everything including when we were still kids."

"Who is at fault, is it he or you?" He seems to analyze the situation now. "Sometimes, Kaila, we need to admit if we commit mistakes. Geo maybe is looking the for some space, or maybe he is just trying to be good to you."

We talk and talk until I just realized that the burden's weight is decreasing. I fell aslept during that night and my father left me there hugging my pillow. Then, I started dreaming about Geo and me. We were still six years old at the time. We were happy.

Geo passed the other road and he was beckoning me to follow him. He was already in the middle of the road when a fast and crazy motorcycle passed by.

Geo, be careful! Move fast! Go!

I was too late. Geo's dead!

Geo's dead, please help, everyone! No one hears my beg.

I was crying and crying, then I wake up. I went to the kitchen to drink water.