Campus Crush

6

::Troye Sivan as Lucas Montana::

A ghoulish look on my face, I couldn't help but stare at Nash as he ate his food next to Ava, who was chatting with Lucas. It was apparent that he'd lost his appetite because he was picking through his eggs.

My fingers trembled slightly as I attempted to ask my roommate a daring question. He already hated me for sure. For one thing, he didn't want to be around me outside of our room, yet here we were, eating together. And we had no say in this outcome.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I queried, worry in my eyes. I didn't want him to think that I was judging him, but that I was genuinely concerned.

Without looking at me, he mumbled, "I'm not obligated to tell you anything."

"I - I know, but... just a week ago, you acted like you hated anyone who wasn't straight. But you aren't."

"I am," he affirmed, now gazing at me before sighing. "I was. I thought I was, until —you know, sometimes, s**t happens and things change and people change and they let you go when they're supposed to hold your hand, and you don't see it coming..."

By the end of that statement, I'd become invisible to him and he was looking right through me, it seemed. I was in a quandary over how to respond.

"He, um... cheated?" My voice was small, guilty of prying into his business.

"I'm not talking about this." He shook his head, dropping his fork.

"I'm sorry," I quickly apologized, fearing he'd hate me even more. "But you can talk to me whenever. You know, um... Lucas and I are going to an LGBT+ event tonight at seven... I-It's at the auditorium of Evans Building, if you... wanna come. Meet some people, I guess."

A nonplussed expression crossed his face as he drank in my words before looking away. I'd never said so much to him at once. I just hoped I did the right thing.

:::

"Is it gay in here, or is it just me?" Lucas read off of one of his LGBT+ shirts as we sat, crisscrossed, on his rug as he dug through his clothes. I giggled. "Totally one of my favorites," he shared.

"You have tons in here!" I pulled out another shirt and read off of it. "Meat eater."

Lucas burst out laughing, slapping his knee for emphasis. "You won't believe the looks I used to get in high school wearing that."

I smiled, putting it back to pick another one. "Zero to gay real quick." I chuckled.

"Here, you can wear love is love to the meeting, if you don't do labels."

I nodded appreciatively, accepting the shirt. I saw a white shirt with the words in cursive reading: bottom. That made me laugh.

"You think that's funny? Wait till you see what my grandma gave me for Christmas!" Lucas dug through the bag and retrieved a shirt with a picture of a young, hot, shirtless Santa on it and a dialogue bubble with the words 'Ho-ho-homosexual! Merry Christmas!' on it. The both of us cachinnated, and I was sure the rooms beside us could hear our silliness.

"Your grandma must be really..." I didn't know how to complete that statement, but I surely intended it to be a compliment.

"f*****g cool?" Lucas finished, a short chuckle escaping his lips. "Yeah, she is. When I came out as gay, my grandma yelled, 'well, it's about time!' She was the first to accept me. It was like she wanted at least one of us to be gay or bi."

"Wow. What about your parents, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, they um..." He cast his eyes to the ground and nodded. "Yeah, they're okay with it." His reaction told me that it must have been complicated, but that didn't stop his glowing pride toward who he truly was. "We should probably get going."

I stood up as he began to gather his stuff and put them back. I quickly removed my shirt and put the love is love one on. In the process, Lucas had turned to ogle me shamelessly, pushing his glasses further up the slim bridge of his nose. I blushed, staring at the ground timidly.

"It's a nice fit... You can keep it," he offered. "I've got a lot anyway."

"Really?"

When he nodded, I smiled happily. "Thank you."

He came by and sprayed me with some of his cologne then sprayed himself, dancing in the mist. "Mm, that's a d**k magnet." He replaced the cologne as I quietly giggled at his words. I now had two friends who were... different, didn't have filters, and outspoken. But the point was...

I had friends.

::

We entered the auditorium where the meeting was being held. There were student involvement/ organization booths stationed around the perimeter of the room where a lot of people were visiting.

As soon as we entered the large room, I appreciated the expanse of diverse individuals that were in the same place that I was. It meant that everyone here had open minds and accepting hearts, leaving zero room for hate.

"Omg! That booth has condoms!" Lucas wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled me to the desk.

I read the sign and it said "Student Diversity Club." Of course, one of the representatives at the table began to tell us a little about the organization but Lucas went straight for the free condoms. I had to pretend to listen to the girl for his sake.

"We're also a great support system for individuals who want to express themselves as freely as they deserve..." She was informing when Lucas cut her off with a gasp.

"Strawberry flavored?! Literally my favorite."

We looked at him and the girl giggled. "And obviously, we advocate safe s*x, so have as many as you like! I think every booth has some. That one has glow-in-the-dark." She pointed.

"No, shut up!" Lucas eyes widened. "I've always wanted that one!"

I was busy blushing the entire time.

"I'll just take one... thanks," I said inaudibly as I grabbed a random condom, snatching a small sachet of lube as well. I knew I wouldn't need any of them.

But just in case.

"Wait a minute, is that..." Lucas gasped, squinting past my shoulder through his glasses. "I'll be damned."

"What?" I queried, turning to follow his gaze. The room was dimly lit, most likely to bring attention to the stage, but I managed to make out what he was staring at.

And it wasn't a what. It was a who.

My eyebrows flew up in a silent shock when I saw Dr. Larsen sitting with a few other teachers at a booth at the far end of the room, near the stage a bit. He was in conversation with a red haired woman next to him, and for a second I admired the way he laughed with her.

"He's my Psych professor," Lucas whispered.

"Mine too."

"Why would he be at this event? OMG, is he-" He cut himself off, rolling his eyes and facepalming. "Jesus, Lucas, calm down. You wouldn't have a chance in hell either way," he said out loud to himself. I couldn't help but laugh.

"You wanna visit that booth, don't you?" I asked, knowing I wanted to do the same.

"Can we?"

"Come on." We linked arms and strolled toward the booth, both of us trying not to seem so eager. Of course, and it was no surprise, some other students beat us to the punch. So we detoured and visited a few tables first.

"Help yourselves, guys!" The man sitting behind the table welcomed.

"Ooh, here's the glowy condoms." Lucas grabbed a good handful and stuffed them in his fanny pack.

"You need all those?" My eyes went wide as we started walking to our professor's table.

"Casper." He turned to me with a mischievous smirk. "You ever use a guy's p***s as a lightsaber? Or even your own?"

My cheeks flushed a deep red. "What? No; who does that?"

Anyone would've thought that he'd lower his voice, but as if he wanted to announce it to the world, he asked, "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"Lucas!" I grumbled, wanting to hide when several pairs of eyes landed on us. That included Dr. Larsen's.

They heard him. They had to.

"Sorry," he quietly apologized.

"Now you whisper," I murmured as we stepped up to our target booth. Luckily, there were no condoms in sight. There were little snacks, and brochures laid out.

"Hey, Dr. Larsen." my friend greeted, completely ignoring the other two teachers beside him. I decided to be courteous and smile at each of them. Or tried to; I couldn't hold eye contact for too long. Oh well. A for effort. I involuntarily blocked out everything Lucas was saying because I was so busy adoring the beautiful man sitting on the other side of this table.

My eyes traced the line of his jaw before I fixed my gaze on the ground.

Wow, I was pathetic. So not only did I find my rude roommate attractive but a psychology professor too. This was not going to end well for me.

"S-so um, are you like an ally?" Lucas inquired. It was one step away from asking the man's sexuality, and although it seemed inappropriate, I couldn't be surprised at this point. Besides, I wanted to know the answer and there was no way I'd ever ask. "I mean, you don't have to answer that of course! You're already here in support and as a gay individual, I appreciate that."

I expected Dr. Larsen to be uncomfortable, but his expression held patience and compassion. "And I appreciate you asking. Once every semester, this event is arranged and I attend each time in full support. I'm not a teacher tonight, but no matter how old I get or what my occupation may be, I'll always be proud to express that I'm gay." In his last few words, he looked over to me. I wondered if he wanted to see how I'd react, but I was just in over my head. I averted my eyes, suddenly finding the brochures interesting.

He was homosexual.

Interesting. What the hell was I?

"I'm straight," the man beside my teacher said with a silly smile.

"No one asked you, Jeff," the red-headed lady interrupted.

"We're all sharing, Leah. Let me live."

Leah looked at us, explaining, "he's my husband. I'm allowed to speak to him that way."

She made me smile, and I started to relax a bit. I admitted, "I'm... um, in questioning. Sort of."

"Sort of?" Jeff piped up. "I think there's a pamphlet for that." He picked one up from the table and handed it to me. I took it from him and read the title: How Do I Know What My Sexuality Is?

"A good thing to note is that, being in question is okay," Leah advised. "It's perfectly fine and normal to explore your options."

"You give me pansexual energy," Lucas said, smiling at me. "Do you care if someone is a girl, boy, or any other gender?"

I shook my head no.

"Does race, age and so on matter to you?"

Another head shake. He had a point. I didn't have a definitive gender, s*x, age, or racial preference. Jeff snatched up another pamphlet and gave it to me. I read that title as well: Pansexuality: Everything You Need to Know. "I'll... be sure to read them," I promised.

"At the end of the day," Dr. Larsen finally spoke up, "you don't have to put any pressure on yourself. Lots of people don't need a label to follow their hearts. Whoever you come to love is your business alone, and that's always something to be proud of."

I blinked once and nodded in gratitude.

"Have s*x a few times," Lucas suggested as he pulled me away. "Trust me, you'll know real quick."

...........................................................