VJ

23 - He doesn't get it!

Chloe

VJ just doesn’t get it. He’s hurt me with what he said. He didn’t need to speak about me like that with his sisters!

However, I’m the stupid one because I thought there was something between us. I thought I was showing VJ he was more than this unfeeling pig I see before me. I thought that I could make him love me. I thought that I could prove him and everyone else wrong and show him how to love someone, to love me. During all the time we spent together, I thought we were more than just se.x.

How wrong was I?

How naïve could I be?

VJ is a damn good actor; I’ll give him that. He had me fooled. However, I am a fool for ever believing I could tame a psychopath. I feel so crushed. I didn’t deserve what he said about me.

Is that really all I am to men?

Something to fuc.k when the mood takes them?

Well, fuc.k that! I am worth so much more than this.

I have to cut VJ out of my life. Max was right; VJ will end up hurting me. Believe me; I’m pretty fuckin.g hurt right now, realizing I am, in fact, nothing to him. I stupidly went and fell for the man who felt nothing. But I thought he did.

All those times, VJ has kissed me, touched me, made love to me, or fucke.d me. All those times, he held me in his arms at night and woke up with me the following day. All those looks he gives me. The way he’ll sometimes touch my face before tucking my hair behind my ear just because he can’t stop himself. I thought he was falling for me, too.

How wrong was I?

How fuckin.g stupid am I?

“What the hell is it you want from me, Chloe?”

I sigh to myself and wrap my arms around my aching stomach. “Nothing. I don’t want anything from you, VJ. I am clearly nothing to you but something to fuc.k when the mood takes you. And that’s fine; you’re entitled to think whatever you want. But whatever this was between us is over.”

“It’s not over ’til I say it is.”

“Wrong,” I take a step back from him so he can’t touch me. I don’t want this; I’m not a toy, I’m not a doormat either. No matter what I feel for him, I won’t be treated like this. He’s no good for me, and I will only end up with a broken heart. “You don’t get to force me to be with you, VJ. You’ve made it clear to me and everyone around us that I mean nothing to you. Go find some other stupid bitc.h to play with, but I’m done. Do not follow me; I mean it.”

“You walk away from me, and that’s it!”

Fine by me.

I don’t answer him. I don’t want to argue with VJ about this because it won’t get me anywhere. I beg no man for anything. VJ is no exception to that rule.

I keep walking. VJ doesn’t follow. Thank God.

By the time I get home, I’m about ready to break. I take to my room and cry my eyes out over a man who doesn’t give a shi.t about me. I’m not crying because he doesn’t love me. I’m crying because he used me and made me feel dirty. Everyone at that party will have heard about what VJ said. They’ll either feel sorry for me, or they’ll be laughing their asses off at the stupid deaf girl who thought she meant something to a psychopath.

Two days it takes me to realize VJ is just not worth it. He meant what he said to his sisters, and he didn’t once try to contact me to tell me he wanted to talk. I knew he wouldn’t apologize for what he said, but he could have called and checked that I was okay!

Fuc.k him!

I won’t spend my life wallowing over a man who doesn’t give a damn. VJ can spend the rest of his miserable life alone for all I care. I’m done with him.

However, I realized this morning that I would never be completely done. I’ve been so stupid, and I can’t take it back. It was Daisy who pointed out that she hadn’t heard me complaining about period cramps this month. My face went white when I realized my period was two weeks late.

Daisy rushed to the store to grab a testing kit for me. I did it the second she got back. We waited together and found out I was carrying a psychopath’s child together. Now I’m terrified and alone, and I don’t know what to do.

I can’t tell Max because he’ll hit the roof and tell VJ. Moreover, he’d do it in anger because he’s already been angry enough over the past couple of days. My best friend was so worried about me. He did everything for me, both Max and Daisy. They made sure I ate, drank, washed. They sat with me on my bed, on either side of me, and watched films to cheer me up. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

I can’t tell VJ that I’m pregnant. I can’t risk Max telling him either because VJ won’t want the baby. He’s the worst example of a father there could be.

A damn psychopath?

Who in their right mind would allow a person like that anywhere near children?

Though I’ve seen the way VJ is with kids, the kids of the club, his nieces and nephews, he’s amazing with them. They love him, and they all know if they ever need anything, all they have to do is to go to him, and he’ll be there. VJ doesn’t see that he’s anything special to those children, but he is.

But he doesn’t want me, so why on this earth would I think he’d want our child?

I don’t know what to do; I’m not even sure I can keep this baby. I can’t be a single mother. I’m not strong enough. I might not even have my hearing at all by the time the baby is born.

Then what will I do?

I won’t be able to hear my baby crying when they need me for something. Anything could happen to my baby because of it. Besides, I couldn’t afford the hospital bills. There would be too many of them throughout the pregnancy.

God, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do. I need my mom right now; that’s what I need. I’ve packed an overnight bag. Daisy will drop me off at my parent’s house and collect me tomorrow. I just need one night in my childhood home. I’ll feel better then.

My parents were in their forties when I was born. Mom and Dad were forty-five. Older parents who never thought they’d have a child, but then I came along. They loved me so much. I was and still am everything to them. Growing up with parents much older than my friend’s moms and dads was hard. People made fun of me often.

But I was never ashamed of them. No, not once, and I never will be. Everything they’d done since the day I came into their lives was all for me. Mom and Dad gave me a wonderful childhood, even though we didn’t have much money. We had a lovely home. It was clean and warm. They worked hard to pay for everything I would ever need. They ensured I had a college fund so that school wouldn’t be a problem.

We may not have had much, but I honestly never went without. I had toys at Christmas; we baked on Sundays, and I helped my dad in the garden when the weather was nice. I had stories read to me at night and hugs and kisses whenever I wanted them. I couldn’t have asked for better parents.