Gianna and Her Revenge

I'm just staring at it while it sits on my desk just empty with the pen sitting next to it. Leaning against the wall with my crown and coke in hand ice, of course, I always have a round ice cube with my drink. I'm avoiding looking at it so I stare out my back window the woods in the distance. Most people would think it's a horrible night with the rain coming down. Yet I welcome it it's calming to my mind and soul. The sounds of the rain hitting the roof top the wind gently carrying it so it hits the side of the house. The rain bouncing of the grass in the yard the howling of the wolves in the distance. I still love that sound it's so magical, yet it still hurts me all the same. I have such a love-hate relationship for Elijah. I understand why he wants me to write in this journal he bought me. I've told my story gods know how many times, so why is it so hard to write down? Is it because I'm going to relive that night mare of a day again? Am I going to want to kick Jakub for not coming into my life sooner? God only knows what's that saying I detest the most. "Everything happens for a reason." Who ever thought of that saying thinking it would make someone feel better was dead wrong. Ugh I'm such a procrastinator to my porch I go. I can always think better there anyway. Maybe I'm worried about what they'll think of me. Will they be mad that I did what I did, how I went about it, and how I should have done things differently. The guilt is eating me up alive what they'll think of me. I did it so no family would ever have to go through what we did. They will know that I'm on his list. Once you're on his list, there is no way off it. I've tried to research it and that family, yet that's why they have the reputation that they do. I do respect it. I understand stand it hell. Maybe if I knew about them sooner, we could have been allies. Well, besides him, he has no heart, no soul, no feelings, that's why he's good at his job. I still wonder why he is the way he is. Maybe one day I'll have the balls to ask him. He always asks you one request mine I wanted an open casket. Weird, I know, but how he kills his targets, they never find the body. I still have family out there that loves me, and I want them to be able to say their goodbyes and burry me next to Wessley. I still remember the look on his face when I told him that. I'm pretty sure that was the first to say that. Most people beg him not to kill them. Me, on the other hand, I just accepted it. Yet how he stared at me with those eyes. Brown eyes with spects of gold, and if you look close enough, dots of red. They reach the depth of your soul and judge you. Normally, when he would look at me, it was just a job, but when I gave him my answer, I could have sworn I saw remorse. Yet it was gone when he blinked and the job look was back. The job look that haunts me when I close my eyes. Buzz well cr** who's bothering me now. As I unlock my phone, it's a text message from Elijah. There's a little smile on my face he's like the big brother I wish I had that I didn't. If you didn't know us, you would assume we were brother and sister. He is always guiding me. Yet still disappointed in me when he found out I was on his list. Now he's stepping up everything in our lives, and we have to do everything secretly, and I don't get to see him anymore. Elijah: So how's the writing coming along? Me: its not Elijah: I gave it to you a month ago I figured since it's been your yearly 2 weeks you be done with it by now Me: it's just hard for me to write about it Elijah: look I think you're beating yourself up to much about it.... no one is going to judge you but yourself Me: ha easy for you to say so..... what about you give me your journal so I can read yours and get inspired Elijah: you know it's not time yet for me to give you my journal Me: you're always say that I'm starting to think that will never be Elijah: trust me you need more time with me any sooner wouldn't be good Me: if you say so Elijah: well if you hadn't gotten on his list I wouldn't be making you do this buuutttt since you are write in the dang journal! Me: OK DAD SHHEESHHH Elijah: but I thought I was your brother from another mother Me: you normally are but not when you yell at me Elijah: I wasn't yelling I was putting so fire under the a** of yours....... so there's another ball can I expect to see you there Me: ugh another ball I miss the days of just going to one once a year now it's like one every 3 months Elijah: your not in the Marines anymore your in our world now and we have balls lots of them.... plus she'll be there Me: now why didn't you just start it off with she'll be there.. I'll call The Dress Maker..... good night Elijah: don't let the bed bugs bite me: you're so corny Elijah: but you love it me: *winkie face* emoji I get up from my chair on the porch and start walking inside. I go to the kitchen to pore myself another glass of crown and coke with ice. im