Love Kush - Beginnin'

Idealist

I began observing myself & the world since I was only born which had kept me curios ever since, I was always thinking looking for my own answers restlessly. I was born white in colour real cute but I was wicked notorious only you’ll say, as I remember asking myself when I couldn’t even speak, ‘why does that fan run circles?’ to blow me wind I saw. I’d let you figure for yourself if in Kung-Fu where they ask you to punch repeatedly just so you’re prepared for the pain it may cause, I always kept on hitting myself with questions for all the answers that it resulted. As everyone thought I was to be doomed to negativity as most people being born in a town have miserable lives, I’d fire away, Why? As my first then next, Why is that? Every time to myself. I had an escape as an idealist I was always dreaming, questioning and as a perfectionist looking of ahead. I since birth with the questionnaire of a brain, an abstract heart & resulting soul; I only needed my conscience to give myself solutions. If anyone thought to hex me I’d think in the daylight I dreamt my plays in the moonlight, Better if there isn’t light at all, as I could be the light. I’ve been a dreamer that had slept & dreamt so many nights & dreams since his childhood, that when I see people it really is another life for me to live. No wicked s**t could mess with this licit mischievous as I’m always & always living more with people around me.

I was a cry baby on the bed when I was little as I already knew that the fan blows wind & always had somebody hold me up in arms or I’d just cry my way there. I’ve been extraordinarily amazed & happy around women since forever, It’s a shame how I phrased all of this on my work 5 years back but to be honest, I’m told since forever that I’ve always been an admirer, saviour & kind of a clinger to all women in my life. For me as an infant, I’d hop over to a lady’s lap over a man’s every time, I’d defend my mother growing up, Sometimes I’d run off of my pre-primary school to my aunt’s house near the school in the midst of a class when my teachers taught me what I already knew. As soon as I rode my bicycle I started taking my friends on tours of hills, forests, river shores & every natural amusement near my house, when I was only 12 and then my elders used to ask me “What would happen when you’re a teen, as you’re such a troublemaker now?”. Little did anyone knew I only aim to explore myself some new questions for that storm of a brain inside me.

But as I got brought up to a city where I was so small, so common as I’ve grown till 12 in a little town, where almost everybody knew me. Estimate the amounts of terror & recognition I’ve had framed in the minds across that little town called Kanker, where till my 12 I looked like an eight year old; I used to influence kids to bunk schools; I used to run off from my class, Climb off the boundary wall to the mango garden in the compound neighbouring my school and I always did what I wanted to do, so they eventually bought a phone for me to keep when I was 11 just so they know my whereabouts whenever they’re worried. Everybody knew me there as a synonym to fun & trouble. I kind of fell for the vibe of it, the way people knew me around there was much missed when I was brought up to Raipur for my higher education.

In my 20s I was a anamorphic boy, I looked 16 with soft clean cheeks, I’ve been told they’re a worthy bite. Being an infant I mostly used to be around cute teen girls that were grabbing me, my choppers, kissing and being engaged with me at all times. I’ve been that headstrong cheeky kid, that hasn’t been anyway less at my naught to tease and play, I used to pull my elder cousins with their hair & peck at them when I was just one & half. Chased people around as I walked & ran towards my favourite person as soon as I was aware of routes to reach them, ironically it’s like I had a crush on mostly all the elder girls from my neighbourhood. How would I be expressing myself when it’s clear that I’m so innocently diabolical? Like Shinchan but that’s the way you get introduced to the soothing sensation that builds a man’s life; By admiring and being prayerful to women.

I’ve been dreaming about fairies and watching movies when awake, Couldn’t ever move out of house as a kid without supervision, as since my childhood, I’ve been dressing up like young Guala & looking out for all my crushes like where they at just to take me out someplace as I love each creation of almighty and was always on lookout for an Ideal lady who gives me prognostics of being owned by her and threats of being disowned from the love she has to offer; As I share all the love that I have in me to everybody. How would I tell each one of her that their mere existence is so heaven sent & that’s so beautiful, I can’t ever loveh them enough.

My spirit animal is of a wolf that seeks warmth in the cold chills in the warmth; I seek love when I feel hated, I preach for hate when I’m most loved; There’s no middle of that. Like my Loyalty towards you wouldn’t depend on your demand it’d depend on the honesty you have, to offer to me as it’s said Loyalty is a two way street. My love for you would only get better with every aroma of your aura to mine. If you care for me, I would sacrifice for you. If you’ll be around me, I’d keep you in my better world where everything would only seem likely and relatable, Where you’d see the answers I’ve been reaching all my life.

Wolves were never been barely chosen, Cause a wolf can see, smell, hear, treat & eventually eat you better. I’ve been looking forward and made moves looking for a Partner or a prey in girls. I’ve obviously had preys pretty & amazing but none seemed to be a who could run wild with me and leave marks with me towards that better world. Making girls realize that not every man is A dog, He might be a wolf, when even dogs now have 400+ different species, wolf doesn’t have none is just one of them and if you would believe me they’re proven the finest.

You might’ve heard that, “Behind every successful man is a Woman”, it should actually be Women, I’m not being a nymph but an advocate to their kind as she be the mother, the sister, the brother, the best and also the rest. Not just a woman but sometimes a partner too, I never believed in it; till I got into it & damn it’s goals, To partner up. Suppose, you’re in love with a girl that you can’t afford to have, then you might chase favourable changes if you have to really want to make her stay. A true relationship with any can only be successful when you’re real and truthful to her, she definitely deserves to be with you in every condition that life brought you in whether it’s happy or Sad, whether it’s crisis or a bloat, Let her know cause she deserves to. Sharing sorrows would rest your heart too. You don’t have to worry alone. If the love she had found in you was a fake then probably, she wouldn’t stay. Then what’s disturbing you, when problems of life weren’t less of a hassle. And if she kept it real she’d make your worries seem nothing enough to think about, that’s where Love works it’s miracles, in its transparency.

You won’t believe I’ve had Girlfriends, as many girls that I wanted; Just to tell I feel like s**t to be doing what I did to them But I was in a situation where I required a partner, A true one. I was so worried without a shoulder to cry on, that an Incident of heartbreak that had me such thoughts that if I’d let her know what my conditions are, I’d have to be left alone again, Then I had to keep secrets be a liar and be faking myself in relationships. Hunting preys to calm the hunger or to maybe find that partner.

All the people & things I’ve been through kept leading me straight to that girl who apparently met the demands of those childhood dreams of mine which I thought won’t ever be happening, but that wish with the urge of having a partner kept sending me indications towards all past crush. Realistically, I saw no flaw in her, she was a girl just so magical. That I’ve been thinking about having her but still wandering if only I deserved. We all have had such one crush that we thought we might never have, But it magically happened. Through love and cravings in me since the very beginning even if I was the guy who wasn’t even noticed, not because I wasn’t noticeable but it was her loyalty that kept her stuck in an unwanted relationship. Fortunately, it was supposed to happen. Just like those Diamonds do stay stuck in the mines without an honest miner’s efforts.

Then one fine day she responded my third attempt to reach her in three years, I was so stupid to drop her a random text on her birthday instead of wishing. Maybe I went to her inbox like a birthday present. She’s been such desire of mine that people being acquainting me, knew how bad that I want her. Favourably, Mutual connections didn’t miss a chance to get her cognized to the fact that she had a lover so charming. Chronology calmly progressed, I grew up and my desires grew too. But those Arousing conversations started to make me realize Lord had such an expertise to engrave this Golden creation. She was like that missing heart and relief to that wild soul.

Liveliness begun to be so miraculously unfathomable, I’m so fortunate. I was the guy who asked her to pinch me if I’m dreaming. I Met the girl who’s got all my little Tricks With More Trickery. Who met all the demands of being my partner in crime. The Player finally met the Game. I Never thought I’d get A Girl who’s got enough intellectual abilities to deal with me, You could sometime apprehend me but I’ve always been a clever a*s kid till she made me realize that ‘A Kid, is a kid’ The same little kid that dreamt of angels who saved him from those witchy demons I had been surrounded with, she was like my dream come true.