Gone and Reborn

WAIT

Saul remained just standing there for what felt like hours, staring at the elevator´s silent doors and feeling the misery creeping into his bones. When his eyes started losing focus, he realized his cheeks had been wet for god knows how long.

He wiped them distractedly before walking towards the table and grabbing the bottle of champagne. He chugged the remaining liquid in no time and then walked in defeat back to the lift, going down to his place.

Silence welcoming him as he entered the large, cold space. Dragging his feet wearily, he opened the fridge and had a couple beers before undoing the buttons of his shirt and taking it off, sliding his jeans down his legs, then walking towards his bed and dropping heavily on it.

-Shiiiit!- He yelled into the air, his eyes fixated on the ceiling as heavy tears rolled down his pillow.

He tossed and turned for a while, trying to get himself some sleep in vain. His mind whirling with remorse and sadness.

When the noises in his head became too loud for him to bear, he jumped out of the bed and threw a jacket over his grey tank top and put his pants back on, snatching the keys for his Harley from the hanger on the wall.

He rode the lift back to the lobby and hurriedly exited the place through the tall crystal doors and out into the chilly night, hopping on his bike and riding it as fast as he could go.

Ten minutes later he´d parked at the entrance of an apartment complex and started climbing the stairs up this so familiar place. Rapping his fist repeatedly on the door when he reached it, before it finally barged open and Gus stared at him in confusion with a groggy face.

-I´m sorry!- he cried- I think I scared her away for good!

-s**t, man- Gus replied, giving him a sympathetic look while patting his shoulder- Come in, I have some beer. Just keep it down, Ally´s asleep.

Gus turned around and headed for the kitchen, while Saul paced slowly inside the apartment and closed the door behind him.

He tiredly unzipped his jacket and took it off, hanging it on the coat rack, then plopping down the couch where he waited, holding his head between his hands.

A pair of footsteps walked towards him and he stared at Gus´s bare feet as he felt the cold surface of a bottle of beer being placed against his forehead.

He rose his eyes and found Gus staring at him. His hand holding the beer, waiting for him to take it as he drank from his own bottle.

Saul reached for the beer and took it from his hands, the liquid sliding painfully down his coarse throat once he took a sip from it.

With a concerned sigh, Gus backed all the way down to the couch behind him and took a seat, glaring intently at him. Silence extending for a while as both drank from their bottles, just staring at each other.

-Well?- Gus finally spoke, breaking the silence- Did you come all the way here and woke me up just to stay sitting there all night, or are you planning to start talking any time soon?

-Sorry buddy- Saul started saying- It´s just I don´t know where to begin. I think I f****d up real bad.

-Yeah, I can already tell things didn´t go as you´d hoped they would- Gus nodded sadly at him- What did you do? Did you give her food poisoning with your awful cooking or something? Cause I would dump your ass too if I had to eat the kind of disaster you dare to call a meal.

Saul cracked up for a bit, choking on his beer a little before a shadow obscured his sight once more.

-Nah, I just told her I loved her and she ran to the hills cause apparently she could never love me back.

-Damn man! That sucks… -Gus exclaimed, frowning a moment after, scratching his head- That´s weird, I don´t get it… She seemed madly into you. Why wouldn´t she love you?

-She´s going through some stuff I cannot really disclose- Saul sighed with frustration- And I´ve been trying to help her out. I thought I could handle it… but I guess I couldn´t after all.

-Yep, that sounds way too familiar- Gus gave him a sad smile- Been there, done that… And it´s just bullshit, Pal. At least you got to tell her how you really felt. That´s a start.

-What if it´s not!- Saul cried- That´s what I´m talking about! What if this is nothing but the end and I never see her again. I´m starting to regret telling her anything at all. At least then I could still be with her somehow.

-Man, that doesn´t work out the way you think, trust me, I know- he calmly explained while lighting a cigarette and offering him one -You would just end up breaking down one day, when you couldn´t take it any longer.

Saul reached for the pack he offered him and picked out a cig. He puffed smoke out with a thoughtful look in his eyes as he considered Gus´s words.

-How did you get Ally to come back to you anyway?- He asked, staring at him hopefully and taking another deep drag from his cigarette.

-I didn´t- Gus responded, grinning at him and shaking his cig distractedly against the ashtray that sat on his leg- Actually, she came back on her own. To be honest I had already given up hope. But I´ve come to realize that it was always meant to be that way. She needed time to heal, to process everything and more importantly, to decide how she wanted to live her life on her own.

-So, your great advice for me is that I should just sit on my ass and wait?- Saul inquired, c*****g his head in confusion.

-It is- Gus smirked at him- Cause in the end, buddy, nothing you can do or say will help you bring her back… No grandiose gestures or desperate moves will get you there faster. You´d just be sabotaging your progress and making a big fool out of yourself if you tried to force her decision in any way only to bend things to your side. It needs to be her choice entirely or it will never work out… And the sooner you wrap your head around that fact, the better, my friend.

-Ok… so I wait then- Saul sighed resignedly after giving it some thought, emptying his bottle.

-So you do- Gus smiled, tilting his head towards him- This is a game of patience man, you made your point, buddy. You told her how you feel. The ball´s on her court now, let her make her move.