The Apogian War

Chapter 82

once, I was aware again of her physical presence. She felt it-we were lightly in rapport all the time now-and turned her face a little away, color rising along her cheekbones. There was a hint of defiance as she said, "Just the same, I am going to take down my hair and comb and braid it properly, before it gets tangled like Mhari's and I have to cut it of She raised her arms, pulled out the butterfly shaped clasp that held her braids pinned at the nape of her neck, and began to unravel the long plaits I felt the hot flush of embarrassment. In the lowlands a sister who was already a woman would not have done this even before a grown brother. I had not seen Linnell's hair loose like this since we were little children, although when we were small I had sometimes helped her comb Did customs really differ so much? I sat and watched her move the ivory comb slowly through her long copper hair, it was perfectly straight, only waved a little from the braiding, and very fine, and the sun, coming in cracks through the heavy wooden shutters, set it all ablaze with the glint of the precious metal. I said at last, hoarsely, "Don't tease me, Marjorie. I'm not sure I can bear it." She did not look up. She only said softly, "Why should you? I am here." I reached out and took the comb away from her, turning her face up to meet my eyes. "I cannot take you lightly, beloved. I would give you all honor and all ceremony." "You cannot," she said, with the shadow of a small smile, "because I no longer..." the words were coming slowly now, as if it were painful to speak them. "-no longer acknowledge Beltran's right to give me in marriage. My foster-father meant to give me to you. That is ceremony enough." Suddenly she spoke in a rush. "And I am not a Keeper now! I have renounced that, I will not keep myself separate from you, I will not, I will not!" She was sobbing now. I flung the comb away and drew her into my arms, holding her to me with sudden violence. "Keeper? No, no, never again," I whispered against her mouth. "Never, never again-" What can I say? We were together. And we were in love. Afterward I braided her hair for her. It seemed almost as intimate as lying down together, my hands trembling as they touched the silken strands, as they had when I first touched her. We did not sleep for a long time. When we woke it was late and already snowing heavily. When I went to saddle the horses, the wind was whipping the snow in wild stinging needles across the yard. We could not ride in this. When I came inside again, Marjorie looked at me in guilty dismay. "1 delayed us. I'm sorry" I think we are beyond pursuit now, precioss. But we would only have had to turn back; we cannot ride in this. I'll put the horses into the outbuilding and give them some fodder." "Let me come and help-" "Don't go out in the snow, beloved. I'll attend to the horses." When I came in, Marjorie had kindled a fire on the long-dead hearth and, finding an old battered stone kettle discarded in a corner, had washed it, filled it at the well and put some of our dried meat to stew with the mushrooms. When I scolded her for going into the yard-in these snow-squalls men have been lost and frozen between their own barnyard and doorway-she said shyly, "I wanted us to have a fireside. And a... a wedding-feast." I hugged her close and said, "The minute he sees you my father will be delighted to arrange all that." "I know," she said, "but I'd rather have it here." The thought warmed me more than the fire. We ate the hot soup before the fire. We had to share one spoon and eat it straight from the old kettle. We had little fuel and the fire burned down quickly, but as it sank into darkness Marjorie whispered, "Our first fireside." I knew what she meant. It was not the formal ceremony, di catenas, the elaborate wedding-feast for my kin, her proclamation before Comyn Council, that would make her my wife. Everywhere in the hills, where ceremonies are few and witnesses sparse, the purposeful sharing of "a bed, a meal, a fireside" acknowledges the legal status of a marriage, and I knew why Marjorie had risked losing her way in the snow to k****e a fire and cook us up some soup. By the simple laws of the hills, we were wedded, not in our own eyes alone, but in a ceremony that would stand in the eyes of all men.. I was glad she had been sure enough of me to do this without asking. I was glad the weather kept us here for another night. But something was troubling me. I said, "Regis and Danilo are nearer to Thendara now than we are to Arilinn, unless they have been recaptured. But nei ther of them is a skilled telepath, and I doubt if a message has gone through. I should send a message, either to Arilinn or to my father. I should have done it before." She caught my hand as I pulled the matrix from its resting place. "Lew, is it really safmy matrix back. We must face the possibility that they will say Beltran won't abandon his aims so quickly, and I four Valutio & scrupulous." I backed off from speaking the name of Sans dout, but was there between us and we both knew it. And if they did try again, without my knowledge or control, witho Marjorie for Keeper, what then? Playing with forest fire would be child's play, next to the risk of waking that thing widout a trained Keeper! I had to warn the towers. She said hesitantly, "We were all in rapport. If you you trix... can they feel it, trail us that way?" That was a possibility, but whatever happened to us Shama must be controlled and contained, or none of us would ever be safe again. Ate in all these days I had sensed no touch, no seeking mind I drew out the matrix and uncovered it. To my dismay, I felt a faim twisting tinge of sickness as I gazed into the blue depths. That was danger signal. Perhaps during the days I had been separated from it. had become somewhat unkeyed. I focused on it, stradying my mind the delicate task of establishing rapport again with the starstan, agu and again I was forced to turn my eyes away by the pain, the blam of vision. "Leave it, Lew, leave it, you're too tired "I cannot." If I delayed, I would lose mastery of the mat forced to begin again with another stone. I fought the matrix fo now an hour, struggling with my inability to focus it. I ksoked at Na with regret, knowing that I was draining my strength with the a pathie struggle. I cursed the fate that had made me a holy an matrix mechanie, but it never occurred to me that I should al the struggle unfinished. If this had-unimaginably happened in Ardins, I would be given kirkan or one of the other pst activator shops and hobsd h* monitor and my own Keeper Now I had to master itakuw had made it impossible and dangerous for Maorie hel At last, my head splitting I managed to us the his Quickly, while I still had the strength,