The Apogian War

Chapter 85

against revealing what he felt. It would be all too easy to cling to Danilo for strength, to take advantage of Danilo's emotional response Danilo was saying angrily, "Even so, I won't have your death on my to him. head! The Hasturs need you for yourself. Regis, not just for your blood or your heir" What do you suggest I do about it?" Regis did not know, himself, whether it was an honest question or a sarcastic challenge We are not pursued. We must rest here till you are well again." "I don't think I shall ever be well again until I have a chance to go to one of the towers and learn to control this." Laran? Gift? Curse, he thought. In his blood, in his brain. But that was not the only thing making him ill, he knew. It was the constant need to barrier himself against his feelings, against his own unwelcome thoughts and desires. And for that there was no help, he decided. Even in the towers they could not make him other than he was. They might teach him to con ceal it, though, live with it. Danilo laid his hand on Regis' shoulder. "You must let me look after you. It is my duty." He added after a moment, "And my pleasure." By an effort that literally made his head spin, Regis remained mo tionless under the touch. Rigidly, refusing the proffered rapport, he said, "Your porridge is burning. If you're so eager to do something, at tend to what you're supposed to be doing. The damned stuff is inedible even when properly cooked." Danilo stiffened as if the words had been a blow. He went to the fire and took off the boiling concoction. Regis did not look at him or care that he had hurt him. He was beyond thinking about anything, except his own attempt not to think. He felt a violent anger with Danilo for forcing this intimate confron tation on him. Suddenly he recalled the fight Danilo had picked in the barracks; a fight which, had it not been for Hjalmar's intervention, might have gone far beyond a single blow. He wanted to lash out at Danilo now, flay him with cruel words. He felt a need to put distance between them, break up this umendurable closeness, keep Dani from looking at him with so much love. If they fought, perhaps Regis would no longer have to be constantly on guard, afraid of doing and saying what he could not even endure to think.... Danilo came with porridge in a small pannikin. He said tentatively, "I don't think this is burned.. " "Oh, stop being so damned attentive!" Regis flung at him. "Eat your supper and let me alone, damn you, just stop hovering over me What