What hurt feels like
1624 Words
“What did you do that for?” Bren barges into his parents’ room. His mother, Mara Holden-Kang, is already back from her trip to Germany and is seated at the foot of their queen-sized bed. Her oversized sunglasses rest above her forehead and she looks bubblier. Her usually pale skin is now a little tan. Bren’s heart melts, he’s always been his Mum’s little boy. But he wasn’t about to let his fury die out just because his Mum is here.
“Son, there’s something called knocking. Have you forgotten how to do that?” Jacob smoothens the collar of blue dress shirt.
“How could you? We’ve talked about this. How could you just do that?!” Now that Bren has raised his voice at his Dad before, it’s becoming a little normal to do so every once in a while.
“Bren. Baby,” his Mum says and crap, he knows that tone. That almost pacifying tone that she takes on when she’s trying to convince someone. “You’re not going to say hi to mama?”
As furious as Bren is, he goes over like a baby and even though his Mum is a lot shorter than he is, he buries himself into her.
“Hi, baby. I missed you.” she strokes his hair and Bren becomes an infant in his mother’s arms. He’s missed her. So freaking much. Her frequent travelling is a little hard for him since she’s his favourite parent. And to him, his only sensible parent.
“Your husband hit me while you were away.” Bren reports when he’s pulled away.
Mara’s neat brows draw together. “What? Jacob!”
“He’s failing at school.” Jacob assesses himself in the mirror, his back facing his wife and son.
“I am not failing at school! I’m second place. I’m not even second place!” The words are bitter rushing out of Bren’s mouth. Second place. A title that has never been associated with him. Ever. Is that what I really am?
“Okay.” Mara rubs her son’s cheeks. “It’s okay, my baby. You’re not failing at school. And you’re not second place. Understood.”
“Thank you,” Bren says sincerely. “Can you tell him to take that stupid post down now?”
“Actually, baby, I think the post is fine.”
Bren swallows an invisible lump in his throat. He should have known better. “What are you talking about?”
“There’s no downside to the information. In fact, it’s advantageous. Everyone knows you’re a brilliant kid. You won that competition which, by the way, congratulations, my baby.”—she pecks his cheek— “If people know that you want to go to medical school and are currently in line to head the foundation, they’d buy shares for themselves and for their children. There’d be more investors from academia because your name is involved. Do you see it?”
No. no, no, freaking no. “But there’s—there’s a downside.”
Mara purses her lips. “Which is?”
“Mum,” he says in a voice that sounds like it’s hanging on by a thread. “I don’t want to go to medical school. Dedicate many years of my life to chase a dream I’m not interested in or passionate about. Why won’t anyone listen to me?”
Mara chuckles and adjusts her son’s collar, runs a finger through the school badge on his blazer. “Bren, baby. I need you to think about—”
“Think about what?” Jacob butts in, finally turning around to face them. “What does he have to think about? He has nothing. No plan, vision or direction. Yet he dares open his mouth to reject the golden life I’m handing him on a platter.”
“You don’t know what I want.” Bren’s words are a little hard to make out because he’s talking through closed teeth.
“My baby.” His Mum heaves. “Think about this. In no time, it’d be senior year and then you’re off to college. You have four years before medical school, but we have to start planning for that now. So think about it. Your Dad and I have no other wish than to give you a bright, beautiful future. Okay?”
You see why Bren calls his Mum the only reasonable parent. “Sure. Okay.” He nods, but he knows the outcome would be the same. He’s though about it forever, and he doesn’t think medical school is where he belongs. How smart he is isn’t a reason for him to go there.
“I hate you. So much,” he says to his Dad before he leaves and though he isn’t sure what he wants to do in college. He’s very certain he hates his Dad. So much.
****
Kaia and Adan spend lunch time walking through school. They started at the cafeteria after eating, headed to the library and now they’re in the field. Astrid had something to work on so she opted out of walking.
“It’s tough. But a little overrated if you’ve studied hard enough.” Adan slips his hands out of his pocket.
“Hmm. I really hope I ace it.”
Adan snorts. “Really, little K? Of course, you will. I mean, I’m not trying to be one of those people who just dumps academic pressure on you because you’re a genius. But you know you’d ace it, right?”
“Thank you for not ‘dumping academic pressure on me.’ But I’m not a genius! I’m a regular high school girl with a regular brain.”
“A lot of people will beg to differ.” She swats his arm when he says this and he whines like the slap had any real effect on him. “Hey, I think you should meet Ava one of these days.”
Kaia’s eyes widen and she cranes her neck upwards to look at her friend. “Really?”
Adan nods and tucks his hands back into his pockets. “Yeah. I mean, she’s heard about you and doesn’t seem bothered by the idea of you. So maybe you could come around?”
Kaia feels honoured by the offer, yet a little sceptical. Adan’s little sister, Ava, has Social Anxiety Disorder, so interaction is difficult for her. Kaia fears that she’d end up making the girl uncomfortable.
“I’m so sorry if that seemed to pushy. I just wanted t—”
“It wasn’t pushy at all.” Kaia smiles. Adan must have thought she didn’t want to go because of how long she was quiet for. “I’m actually really glad you asked me to come. I’m a little afraid she’d hate me though, but I’m glad to meet her.”
Adan snorts. “Oh please. Ava is a little bag of trouble. Just like you. She’d love you.”
“Can I bring Keanu?” the idea strikes her like lightning. “She’s just a year older than him, so they should get along well.”
Adan likes her idea. “Perfect. I’d ask Astrid to come over another time. For now, I just want you to be there.”
“Aww. I must be special.”
Adan throws his head back in a chuckle. “More than you can imagine.” They keep walking and talking and when they get to the end of the field, a part that isn’t usually occupied by students, Kaia’s eyes catches sight of Bren. He’s seated under a tree, AirPods in both his ears and he’s just . . .staring. far ahead. His gaze feels like a black hole. Unending. And because Kaia and Bren were created to always stare at each other, he catches her eyes too.
What are you looking at?” Adan waves his hands in front of her face and then follows her gaze. “Oh, Bren. You realize he’s looking at you too, right?”
“Yep.” She heaves.
“Okay. I had no idea his Dad had invested in building a hospital and a foundation just so Bren could go to medical school and take over it when he’s done. He’s a great Dad. Present and interested in his son’s life. Not every father has those qualities.”
Kaia doesn’t catch the longing in Adan’s voice. “Has Bren always wanted to go to medical school?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve actually never heard him say that before. But we know that now. I guess.”
At least you have something planned out. You have a focus. A choice. Some of us don’t have that. Kaia’s mind replays to that night at the hotel. There’s a deeper meaning to those words. A deeper feeling attached to every syllable. She didn’t know how to understand it though.
“Is this supposed to be a staring contest?” Adan giggles nervously.
“I’m not even sure what it is anymore,” Kaia says. She and Bren are good for banter. That’s mostly what they’ve done since they walked into each other’s lives somehow. But that didn’t stop Kaia from feeling like she could know him more. “Adan, can I go? To him? I need to ask something and I’d meet you up.”
She sees an emotion flash through Adan’s face but she doesn’t know what to interpret it as. Sadness? “Sure. I’d be waiting for you in Astrid’s class.”
Adan is shocked when she wraps her arms around him for a quick hug and strides towards the tree Bren is seated under. This is what hurt feels like.
- Writer
