The Price of Being Mrs. S

Dylan walked in on us kissing, I didn't pull away even when I saw him enter the room. I was at the right place, in his arms, I was kissing the love of my life... finally! His lips were so soft, just like I imagined, I have loved this man since I was eighteen. "You're not going to stop even when you know I'm right here?" Dylan finally said. I pulled out from the kiss, though I needed more, I had to explain to my husband, Dylan. "I'll catch up with you later, Anora," Fedrick said and walked away, leaving me and my husband in the room to talk about what just happened. "Are you in love with him?" Dylan asked. "Yes," I said in shame but without regret. "I'm sorry, I cheated on you babe, it wasn't..." "It wasn't what Anora?! It wasn't your fault? Or it wasn't...intentional? I have loved only you, and you do this to me?!!" Dylan is yelling at me. He has never raised his voice at me, not ever. Maybe I deserved it, but it still hurts me... I hurt him, so yeah, I deserve it. I just kissed another man in front of him. "Dylan, can you stop yelling at me? At least ask for an explanation first" "An explanation?? You just kissed Fedrick! He's your "so-called" best friend, but you just kissed him. What other explanation do I need? You said clearly that you loved him, " Dylan said, almost crying. I tried to speak, but what can I say? That I'm in love with another man? Or that I cheated on my husband with my best friend, it wasn't cheating cause I just kissed him. It wasn't a harmless kiss though...I wanted more, and I wanted him to feel every part of me. I wanted him to touch me everywhere as I kissed him. Dylan is not going to forgive me, but I don't want him to. I stopped loving him a long time ago, I just couldn't bring myself to leave him. He has been a perfect husband to me, providing everything I needed and more. He's rich, handsome, caring, and treats me like a princess, I couldn't come up with a reason to leave him, most especially because of what I'm gaining in this relationship. I bear the Sanchez surname, and honestly, I don't want to stop. "Mrs S, your bath is ready." "Mrs S, which car will you ride today?" "Dinner's ready, Mrs S" I won't have all that anymore? How scary... I've been selfish, Dylan doesn't deserve this, but what am I supposed to do? I was just a poor farm girl when he met me and took me in. He said it was love at first sight, I happily came with him cause I knew he was going to change my life, and he did. I didn't love him, I thought I did, but I was comfortable with the idea of having him in my life. My only true love has been Fedrick, since after high school graduation, we used to go the same video game store to play games, we became friends and eventually, we fell in love, it was a beautiful story at first until my mum made it clear to me that it was childish and he has nothing to offer to me, he couldn't give me a good life, and love can only do so much in a relationship, money does everything. That changed the way love looked to me, cause I didn't like the way I was living, I needed to leave that town for a bigger city with someone rich. I secretly hoped Fedrick would become rich so I wouldn't have to leave him... but he took longer than I thought, and I left with Dylan. I missed him every day, and I miss myself, too. The person I was with him. The crazy conversations. The short nights with him falling asleep and the long ones too. The deep conversations about random stuff. The love we both shared for music. Our favourite colour, green. The way he looks at me. The way I feel around him, safe and happy. His kisses. His touch. His silly laugh. My silly laugh laughing at his. The times we admired the moon together. His nerdy side when he talks about the stars and the galaxy. His annoyingly way of teasing me all the time for being smart. The way he loved me. The way he always wanted me. The way I loved him. So freaking much. But Dylan loves me. I don't feel the same way, but he really does. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation. He would have just kicked me out of his house and his life. "I'm sorry, Dylan, it won't happen again." Why did I just say that? It would definitely happen again! Or should I try to stay away from Fedrick since I'm comfortable here?