DESIRE

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

WINTER BRAY

I didn't know what to do with myself. Should I laugh, cry, be afraid? Definitely not. I had cried too much in front of Theo already. I knew how he looked at me. Weak, pathetic. His whole situation with me was far off, and his small jokes didn't make things better for him. I tried to push past the feeling of disappointment, annoyance and deal with this situation like an adult.

I sighed before speaking "You know what? I'm sick of all the lies that roll off your tongue!" I didn't mean for it to develop this quickly, but I couldn't help it. I had been lied to, hurt, bitten (if that was true!) "Who do you even think you are? Certainly not someone believable! I'm sick of being lied to, ignored, hurt and you! Right now, I'm sick of you and how you play me..." Now, it was out there. My thoughts, my doubts, at least some of them. I refused to cry again. He didn't deserve to see me in this state of weakness. Theo's expression showed pure shock. It was predictable. He had never seen me like this before, but I didn't care about him. I just needed to get out, and I didn't care how. If my body hurt, then I would have to push myself to keep going, I would not be in the same room as him any longer.

I got ready to push myself off the bed, but Theo grasped my wrist. I tried to retreat, but his grip got tighter "Let go." He didn't listen, he moved closer to me and that would be the death of me. His closeness always did something, his touch always did something.

He grasped my face in his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes. Oh... Those eyes. They displayed so much emotion, but to pinpoint them was impossible. They were like the ocean, you could see the surface, but not what's underneath.

"Please, believe me." He whispered tenderly "Please, believe me when I say, I never wanted you to become a monster like me. I care too much about you for that..." There wasn't any hint of joking, humour or fun traced in his eyes, his voice. Only the miserable seriousness of his quiet words which now hung in the air.

"How am I supposed to believe you when all you do is lying and keeping everything from me?" Now, my voice turned tender. This was the sad truth about the handsome Theo Cohen. He had trust issues and probably felt forced to keep everything to himself.

"How can I reverse it? How can I make you trust me?" His words dripped with desperation as he continued to hold my face in his large palms.

"Show me your truth..." I whispered, not even knowing what I meant by it. Theo got the message because he got up from the bed immediately, and I got relieved that I could breathe normally again. His closeness and scent made me unable to think straight.

Theo stood with his muscular back facing my way. Whatever he was doing reminded me of Mr Hendrix classes. His breathing suddenly became heavier. I watched as his shoulders rose and fell. I saw how his muscles tensed and relaxed.

"Theo?" I asked. This didn't seem normal. What the heck was he doing?

"Just... Wait a minute." He cut me off as his breathing turned shallower. I sat dumbfounded by this not knowing what to do with myself.

"Theo, are you okay?" I asked as I got more worried, curious even. Theo didn't answer instead, he continued to breathe heavily, and not move an inch. I stood up from the bed, ignoring the pain. I was careful not to make any noise. Placing my hand on his shoulder, Theo tensed, and his breathing stopped.

Since he didn't move, I walked around to face him. However, as I walked, Theo turned his head to the side, not wanting to look at me. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on his cheek. It was warm, soft. "Why won't you look at me?" I muttered.

"I'm a monster, Winter," Theo spoke, his voice thick with emotions. He spoke his words in defeat. It was like he gave up. He then looked at me, and at that moment, I wished he hadn't. I had never been that quick to move. It was like my whole body jerked back, and Theo was a magnetic field. His eyes were dark, darker than I had ever seen before. The beautiful blue eyes, which I had gotten used to seeing, got replaced. His teeth transformed into fangs.

He was a monster. A true monster.

I couldn't find my words. The sight stunned me. Fear invaded quickly as I realised what he said was true. He was a vampire, a monster. Theo's handsome face had turned into something terrifying. He had brought me here to kill me, there was no other reason. Everything he had told me was a lie. It had to be.

Theo took steps toward me, but I immediately backed away in fear "Winter- "

"You're a... vampire." I whispered with my eyes wide "S-stay away from me!" I then yelled, feeling tears gathering in my eyes. He lied to me, about what he was, his brother, and probably everything he had ever told me. He didn't care about me at all. He wanted me dead, there was no other explanation...

"So are you," Theo replied cautiously. He had stopped walking. I looked up at him again. He was back to normal or what seemed like normal. I couldn't trust anything my mind tried to put into my head.

I wiped my tears away in desperation, fear. I didn't want him to see me like this. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but the shock became too much "Please, leave me alone..." I whimpered, pained "I have done nothing to you. I-I don't even know you. Please..." I pulled my knees to my chest as the tears fell. I would never see my parents again. Altin and Nadora too.

Nadora! Was she okay? Where was she even? Was she dead?

"Winter. Snowflake." Theo's gentle voice made me cry even harder. How could he keep acting, playing his role? I didn't want to die. My sobs filled the room along with my hiccups.

"I don't want to die. Please... Why me?" He walked towards me again and my eyes widened. I grabbed the first pillow I could reach and threw it at him. It landed on his face. I quickly reached for another and threw it again. Next, I took the lamp which stood on the bedside table. I stood up, shaking, sobbing with the lamp in both hands. I didn't know what to do. I had never been in danger, fought anyone or hit them for the matter.

"Listen to me." Theo started once again, but I shook my head. If I let him talk then his voice, his words would end up convincing me that everything was fine. It wasn't "Winter, please." Oh no. His smooth voice, his plea.

"Don't! Don't you dare come any closer!" I ordered; my hands shook while holding the lamp in my hands. Was I going to do it? Hit him? Would I be able to kill him? "You are a liar! A f*****g liar!" I screamed. I must have looked crazy. Tears streaming down my face, threatening him with a lamp, screaming... What had I become? I couldn't figure out what had happened in those minutes.

Hurt laced his expression, his oh-so-beautiful face. He made it look like his heart had just gotten ripped out "You mean so much to me. Let me explain before you do things you might regret."

"That I'll regret?!" I roared madly "You and your so-called brother are both crazy, monsters! I'm not the one who bites people randomly!" I felt like I couldn't breathe. The realisation that I would die any moment had gotten to me "Kill me." Theo didn't do it the first time, and now he had his second chance.

Theo shook his head "I would never hurt you. Never, you have gotten it all wrong. Let me explain,"

"Gotten it all wrong? Don't lie to me. You have never told me anything about yourself. You let me get close to you, let me think the rumours were lies when they were true. I let you into my home. I have told you things that I have told no one," I knew my eyes were red, puffy. I looked a mess.

"Winter, look at your hand," Theo said. It was so sudden, so out of place of him to say. His voice was soft, gentle, but I could tell it was a demand, not a request. Theo gestured at my hand. The one I had bitten.

I hesitantly looked down at my hand as I removed it from the lamp. There was nothing. The place where my teeth had been, wasn't marked. There was no trace of blood or any kind of scar. I inspected further, but there was nothing. In the end, I stood with my mouth agape, not knowing what to say.

"But, I- I saw the blood. I-"

"Tasted your own blood?" Theo started knowingly "Don't you think it's odd to suddenly have that interest?" I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, why did I have that sudden interest? But how did he know?

"How do you know?" I asked carefully, not wanting him to transform again. Not wanting him to get underneath my skin even further. I continued to study my hand; it was unbelievable.

"I know most things." Theo replied while he had an unreadable expression on his face "Like the fact that you're a vampire."

"I can't be a vampire. I'm not a vampire." I muttered under my breath, trying to convince myself, that Theo lied again. He lied, nothing more, nothing less. A liar, that's what he was. "Tell me how then. Tell me how I became this- this creature."

"You were bitten, Winter. Dimitri drank the blood from your veins and left you." Theo started slowly. I could tell this hurt him, but right now I ignored my heart's wishes and stayed far away "You weren't the only one who got bitten that night-"

"It was my birthday." I suddenly burst out without realising. Theo looked relieved for some reason, so I continued "Nadora said we were going to a party, which I didn't want to. That's all I remember." I stated quietly. No, no, no it was working... He knew how to calm me down. To make me forget everything when he was on my mind.

"It's progress, Winter," Theo responded with a soft smile. The smile I loved to see on his face, but I had to remind myself that he was dangerous. A liar. Probably a killer too.

"You said I wasn't the only one- "

"Nadora passed away." Theo broke me off. As the words had left his mouth, I found myself falling onto the bed, dropping the lamp to the floor. I didn't know what to do. To feel. How to react, but I cried. Once again. I cried like a weakling. All of this became too much, I couldn't handle it.

"She didn't pass away. She was murdered!" I said in anger, sadness. It didn't take long for me to put two and two together. My first friend after moving here was now dead. Was I stupid for crying over her? Did I have the right to do so since we hadn't known each other for long? I didn't care, so I continued.

Sitting with my head in my hands, I let the tears fall.

I gasped and moved away when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I glanced up in fear. Theo stood, towering me, but he moved to sit beside me on the bed. I moved away to stand up, but he grabbed my wrist, forcing me to sit down next to him. I didn't dare to protest. I had no idea what he was capable of.

I felt uncomfortable, uneasy, what if he killed me now? "Why is she dead, when I'm alive?" I couldn't help but ask if he would kill me now. I had to know at least that.

"Vampires like us use the full moon to turn humans, and werewolves use it to turn themselves, it's not like they have a choice. Turning humans into vampires isn't easy, we must be very careful. You would have to drink all the blood except for a few drops because that blood would help you survive. Dimitri hates me and therefore loves to see when I'm in pain or hurting. He found out about you and knew that I cared for you deeply," Theo took a breath before starting again. I could only sit and listen to his words.

"He saw you as a way to hurt me, and as soon as I found out he was back. I had to stop him. Of course, I didn't know about his plan at the time. He must've spied on you and saw Nadora as an opportunity to get to you. Winter, you were at my house, the day of the party. My guess is that he got Nadora and you separated and then killed Nadora first. If he wanted to turn her, it didn't work. He must have gotten carried away while he was drinking the blood, so he ended up killing her,"

"With you, on the other hand, he left just the right amount for you to survive. That shows, he knows how to turn humans, or he didn't know it was a full moon that night, or he thought you were dead already. If he knew, he would have taken you away," I saw Theo's pained expression, and I knew it had affected him too. It was so much information to take in. Nadora was dead, but I survived.

I didn't feel blessed. I had lost my friend. I was a monster and I couldn't remember how it happened, and I actually wish I did. If I did this whole situation would be more understandable.

"So, I'm a... vampire?" I questioned, looking down at my hands. The words hung in the air after I had spoken.

"You're still in transition, you need to feed if you want to complete it." Theo answered. It surprised me that he gave me these answers now. Nevertheless, I was grateful for getting them. Finally.

"And if I don't?" My voice was only above a whisper. I had a theory, but I hoped that it wasn't true. Silence took over the room as if Theo could read my mind "I'll die, won't I?" I said as my voice cracked.

"I'm afraid so," Theo replied looking up at me with desperation in his eyes "Please, don't consider dying is the better option, Winter. It's not. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you did," Theo said, his voice again full of emotions.

"Why does everything hurt so much?" I asked, ignoring Theo's request and plea.

"Your body is already transforming even though you haven't fed. Your teeth and mouth are in pain because you'll have fangs sooner or later. Your body is already preparing itself, that's why when you tasted your own blood your fangs got prepared to show. Now, your bones and muscles are hurting because you need to feed soon, very soon. You were asleep for eight days, Winter, and that's a very long time," Theo sounded concerned at this point, and to be honest, I was too. I had been asleep for eight days. What about, my parents, school and Altin?

"Eight days?! What about my- "

"I took care of everything. Don't worry," Theo cut me off calmly.

"How can I be calm in this situation?! I'm a vampire, I have memory loss, and you will kill me eventually!" I suddenly yelled. I didn't know what came over me. Theo's features showed hurt once again as the words had escaped my lips.

"I already told you. I would never hurt you, Winter. I know this is much to take in, and you're going through things, but I would never hurt you. I would rather die myself than you. If something else happened to you, I wouldn't know what to do. You mean too much, you are too important to me, and it's all my fault you are in this situation, right now," I could tell Theo was beating himself up over what had happened. Although fear pumped through me, I felt sorry for him. Should I?

Silence quickly became our friend as Theo's words hung in the thick atmosphere. I was shocked to suddenly hear all Theo's thoughts about me or some of them at least. I had wanted to know about them for long.

"Thank you for telling me that." I answered lowly "Don't be too hard on yourself for this. What happened, happened, and there's nothing I can do now." For the first time since the truth came out. I reached for Theo's hand again, something told me that he was sincere in what he said. Call me a fool for believing him, but everyone deserves a second chance. Or a third. Maybe even a fourth.

"If I feed what would I be... eating?" I asked in confusion, after a long silence.

"You must drink animal or human blood," Theo responded immediately as if he had feared my reaction.

"What about real food, then?"

"As long as you keep blood and normal food in your system, you'll be fine. If you need blood, you will know. Your skin will become colder, your eyes will darken, and if you're really thirsty, then your fangs might show," At his words, my mind couldn't help but wander off.

"So, the reason your skin was cold was that you had a... bloodlust? The day you helped me gather my things. I mean, our fingers brushed against each other, as we were both reaching for a notebook or something," I asked meeting his eyes. They had a glint of amusement in them, but other than that they were serious

"That is one reason, yes. Other than that, your eyes will darken by lust, for something or someone." Once again his words took me off guard. So, every time his eyes were dark when he was with me, was because of lust? I wanted to ask so badly, but I contained myself.

"I didn't think you would remember our first encounter, Winter Bray," Theo said jokingly, after one more minute of silence. I gave a weak smile.

"Weren't you the one who said I had a good memory?" I replied quietly. The whole thing about memory was odd speaking of since I had memory loss at the current time. What happened to me? One second, I feared for my life, and the next I'm sitting next to Theo, smiling? But in the end, there was something about him, his way of making me calm. My attraction towards him won, but in the back of my head, a little voice spoke 'You're stupid for believing him, Winter. What are you thinking? He's going to kill you'

"I certainly did," Theo replied. Glancing into his eyes, I found myself getting lost in them... Stop it, Winter! But I couldn't. It was like I had no self-control when being around him. Theo's stare made me weak in the knees, and I cast a quick glance at his lips while biting my own unknowingly. Theo's eyes darkened as he continued to look at my lips. Somehow, his dark eyes didn't scare me off, he just made me nervous.

I didn't know who was the first one to lean in, but suddenly we were inches apart. Our breaths mixed together. Theo placed his thump on my chin, making my heart beat slightly faster. I felt his lips brush against my own, and I stopped breathing. Would he kiss me? Oh my... I imagined his lips on my own, and suddenly I wanted nothing more, but just as he was about to lean in fully. There was a big sound of thunder, which made both of us snap out of our trance.

It disappointed me; I wanted it to happen. I knew I was crazy. Theo was a vampire, and I wanted him in the possibly wrong way, but I could tell Theo wanted me too. But then again, maybe he didn't want me the way I wanted him. Clearing his throat Theo spoke "Erm, you should probably eat some real food, and take a shower, and have a change of clothes. Go take a shower and I'll take care of the rest." With that, he stood up awkwardly from the bed.

"Yeah, it's probably a good idea," I answered with my mind still in a daze of what just happened. This whole situation made no sense at all.