Mind, Body, and Heart

Stars and Surprises

I was sitting on Kyle's driveway staring up at the stars, generally feeling a bit lonely. I heard a noise from the garage behind me and saw Kyle walking towards me carrying two Dr. Peppers. 

"Hey, you ok?" he asked offering me one of the cans

"Yeah, just wanted some fresh air. Thanks." I replied accepting the soda.

He quietly sat down beside me and we sat there sipping our drinks looking at the sky. The loud and unmistakable laugh of my cousin carried over to us. She had been flirting with one of the older guys in the group all night and seemed to be succeeding in winning him over, much to the chagrin of almost every other male in the group.

"You think she and Trey will start dating?" Kyle asked me.

"I don't know. Probably. She tends to get the guy she wants." I replied with a sigh

"I wanted to be that guy, I really like her." Kyle said still staring at the sky.

That figures. It's always the same. I bent my legs so I could rest my chin on my knees. I felt invisible. Was I always going to be in someone else's shadow. Granted I didn't have a crush on Kyle, he was cute, but he was just one more guy that didn't know I existed and that made me wish I could melt into the pavement.

I sighed and Kyle looked toward me. I turned my head away because I could feel hot frustrated tears forming in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Kyle asked

"Nothing, just life." I replied, this was half true, half lie. 

Ok, it was actually all true but slightly misleading for the situation. My life was a mess at the time. I had moved states in my junior year of high school, my mom got encephalitis (a brain disease) that same year and we almost lost her. She ended up unable to work and disabled so My mom, brother and I moved in with my uncle, aunt and cousins. It was.... uncomfortable. My uncle and aunt wanted to do right by us, but I always felt like a guest that had overstayed my welcome, and I was regularly reminded of their generosity to take my family in. I was working a part time job, trying my hardest to save enough money to get my family out of there and on our own again, but it wasn't looking at all hopeful. So life was a crazy mess. Compile that with my ridiculous levels of social insecurity and negative body image and yeah, life kinda sucked at the time.

I fought for control of my emotions wiping my eyes on my knees and looking at Kyle with a forced half smile.

Kyle looked at me for a minute. "I like your cousin, but I think I like you more."

I felt like the earth went through a quantum portal and launched me into wonderland. 

What did he just say? He's just being nice because he knows I'm upset. Could someone actually like me? Like really like me? Why? Why would he like me more?

"Why?" I finally said

Kyle looked over at me, puzzled.

"Why would you like me?" I clarified

Kyle's face registered understanding, then slight amusement.

"You aren't like other girls. You aren't always looking for attention, or flirting with all the guys. Plus you are really pretty."

And my world took another flip flop.... this night was too much for me to comprehend. My mind was a blur and I wasn't really thinking much anymore. He thought I was pretty! Me! 

"You think I'm pretty?" As I said it I heard how small and insecure I sounded and internally cringed. Ugh that's just great, now you sound like you are fishing for compliments.

Kyle bent his face toward mine.

"Yes." he replied. "I think you are very pretty." He gently brushed my bangs away from my eyes and looked straight at me. 

He saw me. He looked directly at me. I had his attention. He liked me. He found me attractive. My mind was blown and my emotions were ecstatic. Little hearts flew around my head, and hopeless romantic that I was I reveled in it. I had never felt flattered before and it was intoxicating.

I smiled at Kyle, genuinely this time, and silence fell between us. After a few minutes passed Kyle stood up.

"I'm heading inside, you coming?" He asked offering me his hand.

I nodded and took his hand, he pulled me up and we stood face to face with one another I looked nervously in his eyes. They were brown and shone in the night. I couldn't read his expression. His eyes seemed excited, but his exterior was calm and firm. We stood like that for what seemed an eternity, but was probably half a second. Then he turned toward the garage and we headed inside. 

I was a ball of electricity and butterflies. We passed the cars in the garage and went through the back door, through the hallway to the kitchen where everyone else was eating ice cream. Kyle didn't let go of my hand until we were almost in sight of the group. He held my hand, and our journey began.