Dead Flower

03:10 Flower Oh God, I'm so tired, it hurts so much, I'm begging you, don't suffocate me. - I borrow the words from Charkvian, my soulmate, that best express my current state. Alone, the weakest and most useless... When I try, I struggle with the moss, I still ruin everything, destroy, destroy, build again, fight and I'm tired of this, I'm so tired... Black reflection, mirror, tears, this girl is not me, this doesn't look like me, black clouds, rain, thunder, sun, rainbow, rain again. You step on your feet, suddenly it's a swamp, you're sinking, you want to be saved but you refuse the outstretched hand, as if you want this, you need this, you're slowly sinking, ankles, knees, stomach, breathing becomes more frequent, heart, throat, you hold your mouth tightly, it's already at your nose, you can't breathe anymore, you close your eyes, it's dark, you're afraid of the dark, little Nana was afraid of the dark since childhood, as if to prove to yourself that you're strong, you don't want to, you need to open your eyes, breathe, hope, light, you can't turn back, your heart stops, your brain shuts down, 3,2,1. It's over, it's over. Crying, memories, pictures, sadness, many red roses, dead flowers, fakery, food, wine, stone. 40 days, more flowers, 1 year more flowers, damn flowers... Your mother doesn't like New Year's anymore. You destroyed everything, stole it, stole the New Year. Will they understand you? No! They will blame you - yes, they won't understand, you will feel sorry for them, they will cry, but no one will try to understand you, because you shouldn't have been tired, you still had to fight, this was life. Everyone is fighting and who gave you the right to give up. Your soul will disappear into thin air, you have never been so free, you have forgotten everyone, sometimes they will look at your photo and say with regret - you were a good person... (They say this about all the dead, what a lie) Everything is a lie, people, phrases, words, actions and in the end, people... You were born as a flower in another world, the world is cynical, in your previous life you hated flowers, but now you have become a flower. A poor flower, barely touching the ground at the foot of the fence, always grew timidly at the edge of the garden. No one remembered its existence, no one offered it water, and so, it reached the verge of withering several times, but it never gave up. Its beauty was invisible, but it had such a fragrance that it seemed that the reason for its existence could be read in the air. However, in parallel with this fragrance, many worms were eating it, hostility and death were constant companions of its life. And yet, at night it blossomed, as if it wanted to breathe with the stars, but during the day it still closed, it did not like the sun. One day, fate smiled on it too, and a strange change occurred in its life: the land was tilled, its roots strengthened, and they began to care for it. It reached the sky with joy, blossomed, shone, made its little seedlings happy and taught them to grow. Every day it became more beautiful, it smiled at the sun and the wind, as if a world full of hope lay beneath its feet. But one day, a neighbor on his way to a funeral caught sight of the flower. He joined the others, cut it, and added it to the bouquet. The one who fought death with all his might was killed for death. Fate silently subdued him, but the fragrance still remained in the air – as if it was silently telling a story that would wipe tears from even the most tearless eyes.