Love, desire and choices

Maya. A tear trickles down my left cheek, as I wipe dry the beer glasses. I am standing behind the counter, alone, cleaning up and prepping for work. The club looks dead. Dead and empty, as there are no customers yet, and the only workers available are the security personnel, who work full-time here. I arrived earlier than usual, or than I should have been, as it is a few minutes past six pm, and the club does not open until 10 pm. But I could not stand spending another second at home, listening to my dying mother crying from pain, or cursing my sixteen-year-old brother for gradually becoming a criminal. I do not exactly blame him for hanging out with the group of guys he hangs with. I mean, we all have to be a part of something, so if those notorious-looking, drug-crunching guys make him feel good and a part of something, then I do not see why the hell he should not hang with them. "Those guys will get you in trouble!" my mother yelled weakly at him earlier today. He had just returned from school and merely angled out of his shirt before trying to head out. He turned around to stare at our mother, lying pitifully on the couch. I could not make out the expression on his face, but I could tell it had a bit of disgust, mixed with pity. I saw his shoulders fall slightly, as he thought of the best response to give. He was probably thinking of something less sarcastic. My mother's sickness gets to him more than it does to me. I see him trying not to watch her so much. I watch him struggle to erase every form of emotion in his voice when he speaks to her. I have seen him wipe a few tears a couple of times when he thinks there is no one watching. I guess he thinks and believes that being so blunt with her would make him feel less sad when she finally leaves us. He knows she has little time left. We all know. "I am trouble myself, so you better worry about them and not me," he replied and tossed his backpack over his shoulder. i locked eyes with my mother. She looked at me for support, but I had nothing to say to him. I had no ounce of good advice left in me. So I merely shrugged and looked back at my phone screen. "You should say something to him, Maya. He is your kid brother and he listens to you at least," she said to me. Her voice croaked and she sounded defeated. I shook my head slightly and looked at Ben. He looked at me and frowned a little, his lips curled slightly at the end, ready to spill out more or worse sarcastic responses in his defense. "He is no longer a kid, ma, he can take care of himself out there, right?" I asked him. "What does it matter, Maya," he said and inched closer to the door, "Do you call a sixteen-year-old an adult now? You keep supporting him Maya, those guys are a violent bunch and they will be the death of him," she cried. Do not get me wrong. I do not support violence of any sort, but then again, one has to be ready for violence in this part of the city. So why not be the oppressor rather than the oppressed? "Mother!" he yelled, "please stay out of my business. They give me little jobs and I get paid, so you see why I hang with them?" he finished and ran out of the door, slamming it hard behind him, not waiting for a response. My mother turned to face me, "You should not support him, Maya, " she sighed and began to sob. It felt like my cue to leave, so I did. as I drove in my mother's beat-up Mercedes, down the block to the highway to work, I saw my kid brother standing with a group of guys. I knew some of them from my days in high school. I shared classes with some of them, which was about four years ago. I pulled up by the side of the road and got out of the car. A couple of them whistled at me, as I began walking toward them. My brother did not seem at all pleased to see me. "Hey CJ," I called to one of the guys, whom I presumed was the group leader now. We used to be cool in school, but things got pretty awkward when he went to Juve. We stopped hanging out but said hello when we crossed paths. "hey mama," he replied, sucking his teeth. "has Ben been a bad boy?" he asked, causing the others to roar in laughter. My brother's brother's face turned gray. "I actually wanted to holla at you CJ," I replied, shifting the focus away from my brother and back to CJ. "I must have been a bad boy then," he joked again. I was in no mood for jokes. I barely gave him a tight-lipped smile. I gestured toward my car. "Can we walk?" I asked. "Sure, anything for you babe" he replied and walked with me. When we were at a good distance from the others, I began "My mother is worried about Ben, she fears he will get hurt hanging with you guys". "I heard she has gotten worse," he replied, ignoring what I had said about my mother's fears. "Yes CJ, and that is why I came over to speak with you. If anything happened to Ben, it would end things for her and I would never want that to happen", I said as calmly as I could. "You have nothing to worry about with Maya, Ben is good with me. Trust me," he said casually. He pulled out a rolled joint from his sagging jeans and lit it up, "Hope you do not mind," he said to me after the first drag. "I should leave now anyway, so it does not matter. Let him stay out of trouble. Do not let him run much for you CJ, please," I pleaded. "I got you, girl," he replied with a smirk on his face.