Wings Of The Incubus

Jamie sat in the lobby of a therapists office waiting to be called in for intake. Who would've thought a former college dropout like him would find himself in mandatory therapy. A lot of things that were happening seemed pretty far fetched. On probation over a mental health slip to the wrong person. With one phone call answered he threw his life away thinking he would die for it. People normally get killed inadvertently for being registered s*x offenders right? Here he was. The only thing he destroyed in doing this was the lives of everyone who did care about him. He's been trying to kill himself since middle school but never really had the guts to follow through with any real attempts. So he got creative and paid the price. In jail, nothing happened. The guards simply put him in protective custody despite how he let it spread like wildfire in hopes that those hardened men would finally end his miserable existence for what they thought he was. It was too late to turn back now. The girl in question was a 12 year old who reached out to him when he was 17 in high school. He had gone to talk to her in person about her troubled home life. It was how he coped back then was just trying to fix everyone but himself. Honest reality was that he didn't know why he wanted to die. There was always just this deep fascination with his own annihilation but also the accompanying fear. Perhaps therapy could help him understand why. The court said that therapy would help him learn boundaries. Jamie just got roped in with a bunch of other men who took advantage of this poor woman. She would be a woman by now. She warned him too and he saw everything coming. All he had to say was no and he would go back to college, get the good grades, and finally settle behind a desk with a high paying job. He did picture lighting a candle in those days and then singing into Kurt Cobain's microphone. The intake therapist called him into a room to get started. Claire: I'm Claire nice to meet you. I'm doing your intake today. I'll just have few questions to go through with you. your file says that you took a psychosexual exam for your court preceding. Did you bring that today? Jamie reached into his bag and pulled out a folder to hand to Claire. She opened it up with a stoic look on her face. Claire: what did the court say about you needing therapy. this all looks fairly normal and healthy in contrast to your charge. Jamie: they said that my charge was a result of poor boundaries. when i was sentenced and i took the plea deal, they said that a year of therapy should teach me boundaries. Claire: your file also says you need a successful completion to be released. this is a 4 year program. things may be tight with your sentence time. Jamie's heart sank inside his chest at the news Jamie: so what can i do? Claire: the first half of therapy is something everyone has to do to earn trust. until you successfully complete a s*x history polygraph, we can't speed up anything for you. this first half of therapy is completely on you to earn our trust. Jamie: i guessed as much. I'm just hoping that i can live up to that. Claire: the first part of therapy is the hardest. mostly with the heavy restrictions between therapy and probation. so long as you can accept that your life is no longer normal, buckle down until your polygraphs are done, and own any mistakes you make; you'll be just fine. its a tall order for a lot of people though. i will just have some questions and I'll need to take your information down on this form afterwards so we can get you registered in your first groups and individual sessions. Jamie took the form from Claire and nodded in acknowledgment. Claire: so can you put your offense in your own words? we call this a day 1 and we will likely come back and reflect upon it at the end when and if you complete. Jamie felt a sinking feeling in his chest. he had decided to tell them the rehearsed story because denial would get him nowhere in any of this. He wondered what this would be like on the polygraph. worry overcame him a lot wondering if he would slip on the anxiety that he really didn't belong here. what kind of a person wouldn't call him on this irrational form of self destruction. Jamie: much like the report said. i was friends with her and guiding her through a tough time. we started talking romantically after a while. she told me she was 15 and i found that it was credible so we made out. we put our hands in each other's pants and that's about as far as it got because my friend called me to hang out. She looked closely at me as i laid the story out. almost as if she was studying my face. Claire: alright that should be it. just fill this out and turn it into the front desk. your first group will be on Wednesday and it will be what we call a process group. we discuss life issues, treatment progress, and any issue that needs to be addressed in a group setting with peers. you'll have your choice of when to go to a peer group. that's peers only and it's discussing safety plans and material needed. safety plans are forms that you will need to fill out to get any activity approved. we recommend that you start on a general movement, funerals, and hospitals. General movement opens the doors to your basic daily needs and the others are for emergency cases. 3 peers sign, then we look at it and send it over to your probation officer for approval. this is a lot to take in so it will likely be gone through with your therapist when you're assigned one. you should know by the end of your first group. Jamie nodded along almost in a state of autopilot depression. the intake concluded and he sat in the lobby filling out the paperwork. other s*x offenders were looking at him but he avoided eye contact. To think a big part of his success would be to roll in the muck with those that society said couldn't be saved. Jamie thought to himself with a chuckle that his situation wasn't much different. Leaving the paperwork at the window when he finished, Jamie went home. When he walked through the door his girlfriend Alyson was sitting in the living room watching tv. Alyson: how did it go? Jamie: nerve racking as always Jamie sat down and put his keys onto the table, leaning against her shoulder. Alyson: are we going to be able to tell them about us? Jamie: sadly not yet. I'm only 19 and you're 17 but this is a really grey area living together. let's just wait a few months. they know of you and they think we broke up. i just didn't want to have them make that real. you don't have anywhere else to go and they don't care about that. Alyson: yeah you're right. it's probably best to do this right rather than push things and take the risk. Jamie: just means i need to keep my phone clean Jamie pulled out a flip phone and set it on the table. Alyson: not a problem I'll just have you use my old phone if you want Jamie: that's less practical. that's an extra phone bill and we already need to account for the excess expenses coming up. Alyson: you make enough for this place to sign you on without asking for a cosigner. plus you have me to help Alyson smiled at him and held him closer. he just folded into her and shut down in the comfort of her arms. Alyson: so what's for dinner Jamie: thaw out some sausage i might try making something new tonight a huge smile overcame her face as she jumped up and threw the sausage in the microwave. Jamie pulled out manicotti noodles. he often found comfort in going the extra mile in dinner. it got him through his court case mentally. not to mention Alyson loved his cooking. she helped Jamie cook and they had their own little world away from all of their stress.