Suppressed Mate

“Beep. Beep. Beep.” I groan as I pull my cell phone out from under my pillow and turn my alarm off. It’s Saturday and as much as I want to sleep in, I’ve got too much to do before my shift at Gentleman’s Place tonight, the strip club I’m a cocktail server at. Stepping into the hot shower, I close my eyes and think about the dream my alarm woke me from. In my dream, I’m running through the forest. But not as a human, I’m a wolf. I feel the wind ruffle my pelt as I run. My sensitive nose picking up dozens of scents; deer, rabbits, mice, and other rodents. I feel complete and like I could run forever. There are other wolves with me too. A pack. Six of us in total but I sense there are other members of the pack not present. We run and play with each other as race through the woods for what feels like hours. We finally stop in a clearing with no trees. The moon is full and bright above me. The moon calls to me as I lift my head towards it and howl. My pack mates howls join mine, creating a single long and beautiful note. I almost feel complete as my pack mates and I howl into the night. Coming back to the present, I replay the dream in my head on repeat as I shower. I think to myself how odd it is that I dream about being a wolf as often as I do. I’ve had dreams like this my whole life and I always wake up feeling empty. Like part of me is missing. I tell myself it’s my subconscious trying to fill a void of never having a real family. No parents or siblings to bond and connect with. My phone rings after I’ve stepped out of the shower and am pulling clean clothes out of my dresser to wear. It’s Candace, my best friend. “Hey girlie,” I say as I put the phone on speaker and continue to get dressed, slipping black leggings on and a t-shirt. “Hey Jerr! How’s the new place?” she asks. “It’s perfect, actually! Im so happy for a fresh start and to have a place of my own. And you have a room to stay in if you ever decide to come visit. It’s so peaceful here, you’d love it.” I respond. “I’m going to come as soon as I can.” She says. “Even though it’s only September, mom and dad made me promise to come see them for Christmas. But maybe I can come for Thanksgiving. Or you can come here?” I hear the hopefulness in her voice at the prospect of me coming to visit her and my stomach sinks a little. I was born addicted to drugs, not sure what kind exactly because my mother abandoned me at the hospital in Kansas City where I was born and I’ve never asked the social workers for more information. Growing up in the foster system and never being with the same foster family more than a few months at a time, Candace’s family became the closest to a family I’ve ever had. I’ve spent Thanksgiving with them every year for the last seven years. But I just moved hundreds of miles from Missouri to Colorado as a fresh start. The only thing I miss from Missouri is Candace. It’s only been a few weeks and I already miss her terribly. With a sigh, I respond, “I’ll think about coming Candace but please don’t get your hopes up on it.” “Ok, it was just an idea.” She says. The defeat and disappointment in her voice riddles me with guilt. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. But the move took most of the money I had saved up and I just need to get some money put back again. So we will see where I’m at in a couple of months. Besides, you need a vacation away from Misery,” I respond, replacing Missouri with misery. “Ok, we will talk about it later when it comes closer to the time.” She says. “So, tell me about this new job of yours! Met any major hotties yet?” Her voice is teasing and intrigued as she asks. I laugh and say, “No, no major hotties. Mostly just party guys and middle aged men. Besides, I just serve them drinks. I don’t do any of the dancing so I’m just side candy and not the main attraction, thankfully. It’s not the most upstanding job but the tips can be really good sometimes and most of my coworkers are really nice.” Our conversation continues as I apply gel to my long curly brown hair and put on a little mascara and lipgloss. I tell her more about Gentleman’s Place and how beautiful it is in Colorado. She tells me the latest small town drama and how her family is doing. By the time we are done catching up, I’m dressed and ready to run errands before work in a few hours. We say our goodbyes and I grab my keys and purse to head out the door as we hang up. Stepping out on the front porch, I take a deep breath of the fresh mountain air. The porch is about 5 feet wide, 4 feet deep and elevated several feet to be level with the front door. There is a railing around the porch and on the sides of the few steps for safety. The “house” I have really isn’t a house. It’s a tiny two bedroom trailer at the end of a dirt road just outside of town. The living room is small and only has a small couch and loveseat. I haven’t bought a tv yet but I doubt I have cable this far out of town anyway. There is a small hallway right off the front door that leaves to a bathroom and small empty bedroom. Off the living room in the other direction is my tiny kitchen with a small bar to separate the spaces. I haven’t gotten a table yet and there is a back door but no back porch so I keep that door locked. There is another small hallway off the kitchen that leads into the master bedroom with its own bathroom. That’s what I use as my room. There isn’t much in my room yet. Just a queen size bed with the box springs and mattress just sitting on the floor with no frame and a single dresser. It cost me almost everything I had saved since I started working when I was 15 but it was worth every penny. Here I am, 23 years old with my own home and a few acres of land to go with it. While I’m still slowly working on furnishing the home, it’s mine and I’m proud of it. Stepping off the porch and walking to my car in the gravel driveway, something catches my eye in the dirt. It’s a paw print. A big paw print. Looking around, I see several identical paw prints in the dirt but it looks like it is all from a single animal. It’s too big to belong to a dog and I don’t think it belongs to any kind of large cat. Probably a wolf. Looking around and listening, I don’t feel any signs of danger or being watched. I decide the animal must have been curious of the new activity at the home and was sniffing around last night and is probably long gone. Putting it out of my mind, I get in my car and head into town to buy a few more things for the house before I have to go to work.