The Power of Abuse

Preface Hi I am writing this because I want to share the abuse that I have been through and I want to let women out there know that you don't have to go through abuse for no one. No man is worth going through abuse for and there are red flags to watch for. You have to know the red flag warnings and you have to know when to walk away and say it's okay to let go of the abuse and don't let people tell you that it is your fault or let your abuser persuade you to come back. Once he abuses you, he will not ever change. Not for you or anyone he has put through hell or may put through hell. I'm telling you. As I write this from experience. I have a history of being in bad relationships and this last one really left a mark on me. And made me open my eyes as to I don't need no one other than myself and God and my fur baby. Relationships that you commit yourselves to, they aren't worth it, I'm telling you. .. there is no fairy tale relationship or fairytale wedding. It's all a bunch of bologna. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have gotten with the guy. ... But I felt alone. But listen to me very clearly. This is my personal experience... You can take my experience. And decide whether to live in abuse, watch for red flags, or help someone out of the abusive relationship. I am going to be strong as I write this because this is for me to help others. Thanks from the author Laura Ross HOW WE MET & The Incidents on Revis Road Terry and I met on f*******: dating, we had talked for about a week and a half. At that time, I wasn't really looking, just trying to see who may be real. I had felt out of place at my sister's, and I knew I wanted to be in Kentucky. And Terry struck me as he could be a trusting alright guy. He showed me his son, he needed a mom for his son. As he said. The boy seemed sweet. Terry would refer to me as his sons mom and I knew that I was not the boys mom nor could I replace his real mom and I was not trying to be his mom but just someone there for him because literally a person or people only have one mother. I mean yes you can love and care for a child as your own but nothing is stronger than the bond with your own biological children and I explained I am more of a friend to your son than his mom, I cant be his mom, but his friend. As time went on by talking, we had planned to meet. And so he sent $100 for me to come down on. My sister said I should get to know him better, don't jump into.. she sure was right. Now that I know what I have been through. The first night, he forced it in my behind. I cried. He would force it in the behind, and I would beg him to stop, he wouldn’t, he would say “ What is it to big for you, you've had black d**k before, he would not Respect I didn’t want that. When his son was asleep, he had make me have s*x with him and his son would be asleep next to him. I felt ashamed. All was fine the first week, somewhat. Or week and a half. We would go places. When I first arrived though, I was like, what did I get myself into. The place was a mess. On the outside. The inside was not the greatest. But it was a home, home is where the heart is. And I figured, well if I am going to get to know the guy stay with him. Within the second week or so, it was in the morning hours, Terry and his son were yelling. I heard commotion going on. And got up to Terry chasing his son out the door with a hammer saying ," I'll dice you and slice you, you mother f***** " . As Terry had to go that morning so his buddy to feed cows and water cows and work, I was thinking, what did I get myself into. There were social workers already on Terry and that was a trigger for me. Terry and I did get his son to Lexington for his tonsils to be taken out. He would panic in traffic. I seen something was seriously wrong. I just didn't know what. One day Terry son decided to put me in a neck lock and tried to twist my arm. I'm like what the heck. I called Terry, explained he needs to have a good talk with his son about not putting his hands on me because I have had bad bones and, I don't appreciate the behavior. Then the next thing I know, Terry come rushing home and hit son not just one or three times but about six or seven times. There was a time Terry son was throwing a fit about something ranch or something. And the next thing I know, Terry had his son in the door way of the laundry room holding him by his neck, his son feet were a little off the floor, Terry eyes shaking, his son crying. I was scared, to scared to leave Terry son. There was a time Terry son pulled out a shot gun, because of another kid. I got a hold of Terry ex wife, to talk to their child. And when Terry come home, after getting ahold of him , he got the shell out of the gun and said, if anyone finds out it was loaded, they'll be sorry, you all don't say anything other than it wasn't loaded. He hurried us up and took the gun to where he works. Within the following week and a half, Terry had to go see the county attorney. Terry son kinda calmed down. But I had planned to take Terry son to the park, before the county attorney. And so his son and I went to cannel City park, where he wanted to see his school friend. And he had fun up until the time his replacement glasses got broken. I seen him being a kid. And I didn't have phone service. So I had to keep an eye on the time. This was now November. So anyway,as I near town, finally got phone service. And the phone rang. Terry yelling and flipping out, not being on time and talking to someone else. I'm in tears at this moment and as I get his son back, I tell him just get out, I'm going to go. His son pulled the keys from the ignition said no I will explain to my dad. Though explaining to Terry I had no phone service, was like talking to a wall. There were times Terry would threaten to kill himself. And Then his son would threaten to kill himself. They both did this on a number of times. There was a morning I was asleep on the living room floor, Terry was on the couch, his son was on the love seat, and that morning, I was awakened to Terry forcing his p***s into me. Forcing me to have s*x when I was not alert to do or say anything. I was so scared. As I just went and cried myself to sleep, and he took his son to school. I called my friend who had taken care of me for eight or nine years. I couldn't even have my Jeep keys at this point. He would drive my vehicle and I had no way to drive. I'd be stuck at the trailer and so I had to find ways to keep busy. I would clean the trailer. I would wash laundry, I would organize their clothes and pick up stuff off the floor. I carpet cleaned. Terry son made a comment that the reason I didn't have my kids was because I supposedly molested them and, if I touched him he would say that I did that to him. That made me distance myself from him because of a lie he could tell. He tried to say his cousin made him say that. The cousin didn't Know me. Taking Terry brother to Lexington, that was another story. Terry would flip out, like not knowing which way to turn. He would literally panic in traffic. I'm like calm the heck down. His brother told him he needed help, flipping out. In December the things got worse at revis road. I got a speaker box for Terry son so he could listen to his music. And Terry took a hammer to the speaker box. And the phones I gave his son, he somehow went through all my contacts and cussed every single one out, I'm like oh my goodness what is wrong with you. There was a time, I was on the living room floor, awoken to Terry forcing his p***s inside me, his son asleep on the love seat. One night, as we were in the living room, because there was no other heat in the trailer, Terry son and I were not allowed to laugh. He got mad for me laughing. I'm like you know, I've had enough of this. I can't deal with this anymore. So as I asked for my keys, he at first didn't want to hand them over, but I insisted. Terry son acted as though he was going to hit my dog Mary Michelle. I'm like oh no, let's go Mary. They try stopping me from leaving, I get on the phone with my sister Samantha, and let her know what is going on. And so as I'm trying to get away from the bad situation, he threatened to pull the plugs from my Jeep and smash my tires. And my sister calls the sheriff to help me. And so I go down the road. Not knowing where to go, because they ain't much help the officer wasn't. And so I go find a safe place to park. And I get ahold of Terry brother to see what in the world has gone on with Terry, why he is the way he is. His brother literally says "Terry is just crazy, and I would advise you not to marry him so you don't get hurt, you don't Know my brother" . As we talked about Terry I had gotten a text, I thought it was from Terry son, but it was from Terry himself. He begged for me to come back. He was sorry and wouldn't do anything to hurt me again. And promised to get help. The next day I had to go to the chiropractor in Morehead, ky. And Terry was driving my Jeep. And as he was driving, going down Debbie hill, he was trying to play car chicken when you cross the road with another vehicle coming. I'm like, no Terry, and he smiles as he is going to the next Lane. And I'm like what the heck is wrong with him. So at my first appointment, at mountain comp , I was advised I need to get out of the situation. And my next appointment, at the chiropractor, I explained what I had been going through, and they decided to protect me. And call authority. So as I was instructed, I go filed an epo on Terry because of the things he had been doing, abusing me and his son. I had to do what was best. And in the meantime I was pregnant ectopic with his child. But as I had no where to go the first few days because the shelter was full. I stayed at a friend's and I could only stay so long. And Terry brother offered to let me stay, But as the deal was I stay until court and in a different room. And, he lured me in taking advantage of me.. Terry brother drove my Jeep drunk all day the next day. I was concerned. I couldn't make a call. And I was just to the point I was going to try to get away. Something told me no just stick it out, to get to the women shelter. So night fall the other brother and sister in law start running their mouths to me. Like, you don't know nothing about me or what Terry put me through. So I left and went back to my friend Taylor. I checked on the shelter, they had an opening. The next day I went to the shelter. I had informed them what had happened besides what Terry put me through. And, while I was at doves he started texting me and calling me, saying that he was sorry for what he had put me through. And wanted to work things out. I wasn't quite sure, but his family was blaming me, for Terry doings. And so I fell into a depression and I felt like I was worthless and I let the judge know I was hurting. I went to the hospital for a day and released. When I was in the women shelter all he would do is call constantly or message me, non stop, he wanted to know my every move. And I was not allowed to talk to no one else. Others seen his calls as annoying and controlling. He had me meet him at the spill way with his son. He asked me to marry him, there as we were walking and talking. I said yes, I had believed that he was sorry for what he had done. I believed him.i trusted him.. we went to owingsville to get something to eat. Then on the 23 of December we had met on 519 and he drove to Mt. Sterling where we stayed the night. I put money on a card for his son $50 to be exact. Later on that day, I didn't feel t good. And I was back at doves when I was not feeling well. And the next day I woke up pale as I didn't feel pregnant anymore. I had severe headache, shoulder pains, I thought t was my bones out of joint. I felt pain in the back of leg, like a cramp. That evening I had come to miscarry as I was at the hospital. I cried and cried. I mourned. I gave the baby a name because, regardless of going full term, it lived, passed away and passed through. I gave the baby of ours the name Terry Lynn Ross Jr. And I'm not ashamed of the name for the baby. On new year's Eve, I was talked into moving with him to Oldfield drive. I had to put the rent in my name. So I had left doves to thinking a new place, new year would help us. I had the rent and electric in my name. And I was still mourning the loss of the baby. I'd hide myself in the closet. At times. On January 6th we went to court, in separate vehicles. The epo was dropped. I totally did not listen to the Sheriff when he said, ' I would not drop it, I would ammend it, how am I going to be able to protect you if you drop it" and I didn't understand then what he meant. I mean he still made a promise to protect me. But I should have ammended the epo. It was all the promises and sorries and sweet talking he did, Terry. So after the epo was dropped court was done he told me, that I better not ever file another epo on him or call the law. And I didn't file no epo on Terry. I didn't call the law on him. as he made me promise. though he called the law on his son a couple times. which was wrong. THE HAPPY TIMES I APPRECIATE AT REVIS ROAD We would take walks at the park, I would toss the football with Terry’s son. I got to take rides on the tractor with Terry. It was something different. I appreciate the time that I felt was true. Going to eat as a family, making meals together. We had milk shake contests and I hate to admit but Terry won the milk shake contests. Terry’s son and I would take walks, we took a walk up this one hill and I didn’t know where it led, but I must say you got to have brakes on your shoes coming down the hill. At Least I thought. I hold onto the good memories. It’s more important the good memories because the abuse was rough, pure hell and I would not wish that on any one. The Events From December 31,2019 to August 26,2020 So on December 31st, 2019 I had left doves, and went to Oldfield drive, where I rented. And Terry and his son moved in with me. But it was him who found the place. But when I made hamburgers the first night in there, at the trailer, my esa dog decided to eat 6 hamburgers. I laugh to this day about it. I was mourning the loss of the baby. And so at times I would hide or hold my stomach because I mourned the baby, and at times Terry would comfort me and at times he’d say it was my fault. And that made me hurt even more. Things calmed down for a little while. Then the social workers showed back up. The social workers showing up was a trigger for me, I know they were just doing their job. But it made me cry. And it was some sort of alleged abuse on Terry towards his son. There was no cell phone service at white oak trailer park. I mean completely none. Unless you stood outside in the front of the drive way. The place was bad do not having cell service. There was a time, I had gotten life insurance. and Terry got mad because I did not put him as the main beneficiary on my life insurance. He got mad right in front of the life insurance agent. I had advised him to get life insurance and make his son his beneficiary. It was like he was jealous and thought I should make him the main person of my beneficiary. I had to get up Know Terry more. I was not about to leave him in charge of $23, 000 that is supposed to cover my funeral and then go to my biological children in the future. Terry would ask me off and on if I would marry him. And I continued to say yes. So we had went and got our marriage license and I was not sure of how to go about a wedding, when you have so much time to get married in. So I had figured a non traditional wedding sort of traditional for some and then we had talked about having a wedding ceremony at the park. And so I was happy there for the time there was no arguments. Terry’s son would watch movies, he’d watch twilight and got me into that so when Terry was working, his son and I would watch twilight. Sometimes Terry had to feed the cows or go get beer for who he worked for. And sometimes he would drink. My Jeep wound up going out. And so he would drive the S10 . We got married on the 1st of February. I was excited. To get married and take Terry’s last name and honor him as a wife should. did every single day. Every moment I cherished Terry and honored Terry and was faithful every single day. About a week after we got married, he started threatening divorce against me and I didn’t understand what was going on. Here his son was saying I was calling people. And no I was not calling people. Terry’s son was starting to tell lies once again on me. Which I dreaded. And Terry would go through the phone, I had in my name, and he would start asking questions as “ Who you all talk to today? “ and I would answer him the best him the truth. And it’s like the truth wasn’t good enough sometimes. And when his son and him would argue on the phone, his son would take the battery out of the phone. And when Terry came home, there we were arguing because he blamed me for his sons doing. And he’d throw the phone, busting it to pieces. And then finding out I was innocent. And he’d apologize. Wanting me to give into him on s*x. After he accused me of our baby dying and accusing me of talking to other people while he was at work. . I didn’t Know which way to turn, it was damned if I do and damned if I didn’t. Terry and his son continued to threaten to kill themselves on so many occasions. I had bought His sons birthday cake, and presents. Terry's son was thrilled to have him a wrestling cake. When Terry and I got married he would start saying I was his property and that he had the receipt to show he owned me. I wasn’t allowed to talk to my family or old friends I had. Or long time friends. I was not allowed to go out side by myself with my dog. If I did he was furious. And would be accusing me of talking to the neighbors. There were times when I was at my therapist and I would explain to my therapist, even though my step son at the time was the way he was, I felt safer when he was at home, when he was not at home, I felt unsafe. He would beat on his son and say he wish he didn’t have a son and would say he’d sign his son over to his sister so he could live a free life. That hurt his son. There were times his son would hide from him or would call his mom because he didn’t know what to do or say. And Terry would refer to his sons mom as a b***h. And that would cause them an argument. And I told Terry” you should not go around saying things like that, you and his mom had a life together”. And Terry would get mad at me for taking up for his son. But it was the truth. Around March Terry kicked me out. It was in the morning. And he told me to leave. So I went walking with my dog. I didn’t know what I did so wrong, but I wasn’t going to come between him and his son. So I left as he told me to leave. As I was walking a woman seen me walking and called my friend. And my friend who took care of me for eight years prior to me getting with Terry came and got me. As I was baffled as to why he wanted me to go that morning, I knew it was not right what he was putting me through. So he would text me saying he was sorry, he started texting saying he was sorry and that he would not do me wrong again or hurt me again. He called and called and texted over 100 times a day. and yet he was supposed to be working. Eventually i wound up going back to work things out in hopes that terry would change his ways. In the beginning of march my jeep i had to let go, i had no money to get it repaired and with terry poking holes in the gas tank and jb welding my gas tank, and the starter being out, i had to let it go. it was the last thing that i wanted to do, but i had to and doing a vulontary repo has gone against my credit. BEING FORCED TO HAVE s*x/ BOUNDARIES NOT BEING RESPECTED During march when terrys son was not around, terry would force me to have s*x with him and he once again was forcing his p***s up my behind and he would force his p***s down my throat, according to terry i was his s*x slave, he would tell me that he owned me and that he had the reciept to show that he owned me, he would say that he owned me and my dog Mary Michelle. I had to take showers and baths with him if I took a bath or shower by myself, I was accused of cheating or wanting black d**k or not loving him. I was always followed to the bathroom, I couldn't use the bathroom in peace. and I said leave me alone for five minutes please to use the bathroom. and damn it if it wasn't five minutes Terry come back to the bathroom, I said "Son of a b***h" and I wasn't calling him no names I was using it as a phrase and he about hit me, he threatened to kill me if I said that again. and he would accuse me of not loving him and he would constantly say that he wanted to sign his son over to his sister so he can live free without dealing with him. i had made a friend who had given me a dog, a mini beagle dog i named it snoopy blaze, i had gotten the dog for terrys son but i had put the dog in my name, and so when terry son came home from his mom in march, he fell in love with snoopy as it seemed. and one day we were out with terry as he was feeding cows for his friend that he worked for, and when we had come back home, the bed had been torn up and terry and his son threw a fit with snoopy. terrys son had smacked him down on his leg and onto the floor, and terry had punched the dog. and it was not right. the dog was sick one day and we had him in the truck and we were in morehead and we had stopped by tractor supply and i had to use the bathroom andd terry got mad because i had gone in to the store from where he was parked to use the batroom, just because he was having vehicle troubles did not mean that he had to get mean and threaten to leave me.. so anyway on the way back to west liberty i had made the call the decision to take snoopy to the vet to see why he was sick, to find out he had belly worms and so he got a shot and got wormed. Mary Michelle and Snoopy would play together and terrys son would sleep with snoopy and sometimes mary michelle would sleep with terrys son. Terry would continue to force me to have s*x with him and i took the abuse not only by terry but by his son too. His son would put his hands around my neck. and call me names and make messes and when i went to call terry when he was working to have him talk to his son, i sometimes could not get ahold of terry numerous times to be certain. and i would break down and cry because what i was being put through. i would confide in one neighbor and i know that at times she could over do her stay when she visited, she meant well and i know that she helped me with certain things, like getting my mind off of going through abuse, because in todays world people dont help others who are being abused, you have to get yourself out of it or the law will get you out of the abuse. There were times when I seen old friends in the stores and I was not allowed to talk to them without Terry getting jealous. and every time Terry and I were with his son somewhere, his son would throw a fit in the store. it was embarrassing at times. when Terry and his son and I were visiting Michael one day, Terry son tried choking me and twisting my arm. Mike said here go get that boy something to eat. Terry's son would call my friend papaw. When the social entered again, the plan with the social workers was to have KVC involved with our family to help terry and his son because terry was abusive to his son and the landlord and so many people had called on terry for the things that they had seen and heard of him. just as when there was a neighbor boy and terry had said right in front of the kid, i wish i didnt have a son. i know that the kid looked at terrys son and i as to , like what the hell. because terrys son had walked away in tears on that situation. Though back to the KVC and Social Work Plan, we had oriented goals as a family and the goals together were basic and easy as well as our individual goals. and we had listed our stressors and our likes and our ways of destressing and we had listed our go to places and emergency contacts and I was allowed to go to a friend's or take walks, but to Terry i was not allowed to ever go to my friends or go take a walk or be with my dog. i was not allowed to go for just a few days. and terry had signed the KVC contract that stated that. he pretty much imprisoned me, because i was only allowed out when it was with him or to go to the store and i could not walk my own dog. i could not be around when there was an accident outside, he always told me to go back inside. he always told me and his son to go back in, not to be outside. like we had no freedom. when terry went to work and his son got up and got his medicine and ate , and asked to go outside, i always said yes but be good. May I had helped Terry son get his mom something for mother's day, and because the kid wanted to see his mom, and I knew it would do Terry's son good, I helped pick out the gift a few days before. and the day we were going over that way, Terry threw a fit with his son hitting him I had to jump in between, this time, I got shoved. but I did what I had to to protect the kid. and Terry damaged the gift box, we, his son and I had his mom's gifts in so on the way in town, I had Terry stop and let me replace the gift box. Terry argued with his son on the way to Campton. June I had gotten Terry his father's day/ birthday cake with two bucks on it. He finally got two deer. I thought. And I figured he appreciated it. Terry would teach me how to grill out. I appreciate the teaching of grilling. it still didn't give him the right to control or abuse me. My ex step sons mom liked her gift from her son. She enjoyed her time with her son and I know they appreciated the time together. There was a time when Terry was working and his son and I was with him while he worked, his son was carrying on calling me a b***h and boy did he get chewed out by the wife. Terry's son had me upset. Because of what he put me through. I was headed home. I was walking. Terry stopped me from walking home. There was a time when Terry came home with his son, and his son had told him a lie about me and he tackled me to the floor, and I went to reach for my phone, he grabbed my phone, I got away from him I went to the bedroom, got behind the bedroom door, and he had kicked the bedroom door down. I don't know how I didn't get hurt, I told Terry's son go to our neighbors to call the cops but he didn't make it that way, Terry chased him out and fell, and I got on the phone, to call my therapist, she can answered and about the time she answered, Terry had unplugged the phone from the wall. Then about a half hour later the sheriff came out. Terry did the talking, according to him nothing was wrong. There was a time I was on a video appointment and Terry and his son would both go off. and it was pounding on the bedroom door and kicking the bedroom door, or not giving me privacy to talk or peace and quiet to talk. THE ABUSE CONTINUED AND SEPERATED BY KVC AND SOCIAL WORKERS REMOVE TERRY SON The abuse continued as time went on, kvc had to call the law out because as we were on WebEx appointments, Terry wouldn't leave his son alone for the individual sessions and wouldn't leave me alone. and They felt the tension and so they called the law. and had Terry take his son to the aunt and I had to go to Morehead. for a couple of days. I went back after a couple of days, and Terry went and got his son from his sister in Campton. We continued our family sessions. with kvc. and we had to show positive communication, positive interaction, and this was all because Terry was quite abusive to his son. though Terry son felt like it wasn't going to work well . and there was a time in April, if I back up a little bit, when Terry was at work, my step son at the time, had put a hanger and bag over his head threatening to kill himself. and I had immediately called Terry. and my neighbor was there when this happened. and I had been turned towards the refrigerator because he had asked for chicken nuggets to be heated up and he had grabbed a knife and was right behind me with a knife. and my neighbor yelled "don't you dare hurt your step mom, she's been nothing but good to you, don't you ever hold a knife to her" ! and as I turned around he was grinning. I had somehow grabbed the knife. I called his therapist first and then his dad. and that's when he put the bag over his head. so he wound up going to the hospital for about 5 days. Terry and my friend Mike went to get Terry son from the hospital. before Terry had to take his son to the hospital, his son said," if I get sent off, I will make both of your lives a living hell when I get back". Well when he got back, oh boy, he did not listen and he would push me and push me and call me names, and call people up. and half the time, when Terry came home, from work Terry go through the phone asking me who numbers they were. I'm literally like I don't know. your son had the phone. he would not believe me and he'd smash the phone, I would go outside with Mary to get away from the argument. Terry would follow me around. I wasn't allowed out. I remember that day the state police and social worker came by. And Terry, Me and My step son were all spoken to separate by the social worker. Terry's son went first, then it was me. I remember the part of the conversation when we spoke about, where I seen myself in about five years. and I responded " I really just focus on the day, Terry and his son getting along, their happiness, my future with my children, and hoping my marriage will work out. ". And I knew that at the time, the social worker was also looking out for not only my step son at that time but me as well. I will hold onto the conversation in my heart because she does her job with her heart and experience. so Terry was made to take his son to his sister in Campton. Terry was recommended to get help and we were to get a better environment. we could not be in the trailer park because of the environment and because Terry and his son needed a fresh start, so where I was going to therapy. and I still go, I had gone through them to help me with finding a place. so we started filling out applications and filing paper work for HUD. I started the process. to help Terry reunite with his son. though I don't think terry appreciated it. I don't think he wanted his son. because, he could not live free with his son. he could live free with out his son. Terry and I would still have our ups and downs. things were quite different without his son. I was trying to find us a place to go. and pack up things. Terry , he'd force me to have s*x every time I turned around. there were times I cried, wondering what am I doing, why am I trying to hold onto this marriage. and other times I would be hoping he would change. I mean, one day going to see his son, the white Oldsmobile that I helped buy that was supposed to be for me, and I only got to drive one time, it blew up going to Campton. and I got blamed and yelled at. I got out of the vehicle where we were, with my dog, bound to walk back home. I wasn't going to put up with the yelling. Every time, he had me go write a check to borrow money, promising to pay it back. and I wanted to say no so many times, I was so afraid to say no because I didn't know what he'd do or say if I didn't borrow money for him and I always gave in. and so beginning of July Terry had me give his sister $250 cash for taking care of his son. and on July 31st, pay day, I went with a friend and got me a vehicle from big Katz auto sales. I was not going to be without a vehicle. so I wound up getting a PT cruiser. and it drove wonderful. and so the next thing, the person Terry worked for asked him to come work, I had not had my vehicle a week yet and so I texted from my phone. " if you need Terry to work, it $25.00 perday to me because that is my vehicle. not his. and I just got my vehicle it's for personal use not work." so the person he worked for let him go on July 31. it had nothing to do with me it's the fact he didn't want to pay me for the wear and tare on my vehicle. so to replace the money because all I heard out of Terry was how we going to pay the bills with just one check, I reborrowed money, $500. to keep Terry quiet. and Terry gave $200.00 of what was mine to his sister on August 4th the day we had to take his son to school to get signed up for middle school. but the night before. Terry was under the hood of the car putting something on my car. and the next day, my car over heated, I called where I had bought it, and Terry and I were both told in West liberty, don't drive it. let it set. but Terry did not listen. he drove it to Campton. he pulled it over under the bridge before going up the hill to get to his sister. and again, Terry put antifreeze in the vehicle which poured out, it did not seem right. he proceeded on to get his son. we had our neighbor with us. and we had the dates of their appointments mixed up. but anyway, Terry eventually proceeded again back to West liberty, pulling over every so often. we finally got to the middle school. we did what had to be done. Terry once again drove. and he proceeded up the road in Campton and the motor blew up. just like the Oldsmobile. I knew it, and Terry would shift the gears and be put it in neutral. so we had to get a ride back home. and that night we were almost asleep and the police came knocking on the door. someone made a false call on us. I was so stressed to this point. When Terry and I were visiting his son I had told Terry and his son that they both needed to go in the car one day and reconnect. Because they need to rebuild their lives. I always told Terry love your son, give him a hug, talk positive. The only time Terry talked positive to his son was payday. I was in contact with my friend and with his son. to see what I needed to do or if I could get a different car. so we were without a vehicle. Terry on August 8 th forced his fist in me, I'm holding my tears back. on August 16th Terry threatened to r**e me saying he didn't get none and that was the only way to get some around here. on August 18th Terry went to work for my friend Mike he had made quite a bit of money Terry did and then we went to look at a vehicle at the car lot. I finally got me a 2010 Chevy Cobalt. it was good. dependable. and so I just had to switch my insurance to the car. I got the car on my son's 13th birthday. 8/18. On August 19th Terry had went to work for Mike again. I had an appointment with my therapist. so I left Terry working and proceeded to my appointment. that was at 11 am. and Terry wanted to see his son. Before leaving from Mike, he put 50lbs of air in my tires, Mike released the air Terry put in my tires. so as we were headed back, towards West liberty, it was pouring rain. I said "Terry, I'm not risking our lives, we'll go home for now and go tomorrow." well that night I was accused of going to get black d**k and not going to my therapist appointment. and it struck a nerve in me. I was called names and accused of so much and I was blamed for the reason he didn't have his son. which that was a slap in the face. there was a neighbor I thought I could talk to, Sandy I just needed to talk she just got out of her marriage. well anyway. we talked for a few she seemed nice. I didn't know much just that she just moved in. On August 20th I took Terry to see his son after he calmed his ass down and ran his mouth saying things to his sister and son, making me out to be a bad person. that I wasn't. so I drove Terry to his sister to see his son in which I let Terry drive, because his son wanted to go get something to eat. and when we were out, I got his son shoes and a shirt because he didn't have decent shoes and he needed wide shoes. The next day there was no real communication between us because of what Terry had put me through and accused me of. and I he would say sorry trying to get me to give into him on s*x. I said "Terry we got things to work on before we get back to that point. you accused me of so much, you have hurt me in ways that I can not trust you right now because of everything. and I've been nothing but good to you and your son. I said let me take a walk. " so I go out and I go to see my first friend. and she said " honey that isn't good, he needs to give you space when you ask for it.". and she told me not to put up with what he was doing. " Terry wound up coming over. and it got in a discussion. my friend stood up for me. because she knew the truth. how good I was to Terry and his son. and how I have gone through hell for him and his son. Terry got mad that night because I would not go no where and would not give into him on s*x after a long day seeing his son again and swimming. He threatened to s***h my tires if I decided to go anywhere or bust the windshield. I said "I'm not going anywhere unless you make me again.". the 23rd of August in the morning, Terry was furious about not getting s*x and was throwing my stuff out as I had gotten up I had asked " what are you doing. go get help, check yourself in a hospital". he said, I don't need no hospital, I can't get none around here, I don't need you, I'll get me another damned woman I can fuck." I said "Terry you want me to go okay. fine. it's the last time. you kick me out." the stuff he had put on the porch, I started putting in my car. and he started "please don't go, please, I'm sorry I'll quit." I looked at him and said you have five minutes to make up my mind now I'm tired of the childish bullshit Terry I will put you in the hospital get you on the right medicine." he then says " what so you can go out and f**k who ever you want to while I am locked away." I turned and looked and said "okay I am done with the accusing of s**t, I have given you more than I can give put up with yours and your son's abuse. I will just get what I can and come for the rest." he then says "you go don't come back.". the very day he way calling saying sorry to my friends phone number and to my text now number. there were messages from him asking for me to come back home and saying he was sorry. and saying I'd be with him if I loved him. then I seen a message between him and The homewrecker Sandy. I was like wow. The first place I stopped was my therapist office. I was confused, hurt , betrayed. so they sort of looked confused. a little. I proceeded to the trailer. I let myself in. Terry always had the keys to the trailer and mailbox so i let myself in with a cc. and he was not there on August 26th And it was getting late. I had attempted to call Terry several times. but no answer. I called and talked to his sister. and then talked to his brother. his brother tried to accuse me if cheating. I said" I ain't ever cheated or thought about it, where is my husband, he replied he's on a date.". I took it hard. I took it so hard. I called my sister Samantha, I called my friend Kim who I was on the phone with when I asked the homewrecker where my husband was, and supposedly she didn't know. I spiraled down. I was pregnant with Terry child second child. we found out in July we were pregnant. I'm like oh my God how could he do this to me. I went on to YouTube pleading out my pain and sharing the truth. I had taken my diabetic medicine. I tried to kill myself. I drove off about 11 pm to the park. after throwing my house phone for the first time. I wound up going back after police confrontation at the park, . I tossed and turned, I pleaded more on YouTube. I had done told Terry ahead of time if he done me wrong in any which way or hurt me I would go public. and I did. I put him and his homewreckers on cheaters exposed page on f*******:. I did it because my marriage was wrecked. On August 27th I had gotten Mary Michelle from Mike and gone back to the trailer. I cried and threw up. I tried to poison myself with charcoal lighter fluid. the evening come by, the sheriff come by and served me with a false epo that was filled out by Sandy and signed by Terry. we were supposed to go to court on my birthday. such a shitty birthday. but it was what it was. on September 19th I had miscarried. I had gotten called a hurricane by Terry's sister on facebook.when that happened I took off to hurricane, wv. the case got continued to September 21st. on September 21st the false epo he had on me was dropped by the judge. I went to my therapist, let her know my plan to file a dvo so the truth could be heard. October 5th my case was heard. I had gotten a permanent dvo in place of Terry. the judge heard the audio I had against him. about a week and a half after the dvo was filed he was telling his sister in law and brother he wanted to work things out. then as court approached October 20th the judge denied the dvo being ammended. the judge simply said " I'm not going to allow him to abuse you. you both need to divorce and be done. I'm not going to allow you to be abused.hes r***d you, abused you, done property damage, I'm not going to allow it." I knew then I had to go on with filing the divorce to move on. so I did. my friend helped me with the money to file for divorce. and I am thankful. I don't know how to repay my friend. I don't know how to repay the sheriff who had gotten me out of the abuse. I didn't think I deserved better. I didn't know how to get out of it. And Everytime Terry kicked me out, I went back. I lived in hell for the good that I did for him and his son. yet I know that I am not the only woman he has done this to. he has done this to six other women. I was number seven. and I was just being used by him. he didn't love me. all Terry wanted me for was s*x, a baby sitter and my paycheck. and my property I had. He thought he owned me. And that is how he will always be. THE NEIGHBOR FRIEND GOT SCREWED OVER My neighbor friend got screwed over by Terry as well as I did by Terry. Terry sold her the Oldsmobile that had blown up and did not get her a way to get it fixed or was not honest with her and he sold it without my permission. because the car was supposed to be mine and I paid $500 for the car. and $50 for the battery. And Terry took the money and I did not receive a dime from him selling the neighbor the car. And then he took the license plate to his brother to have the title junked. yet it was wrong. because the car was mine and then the neighbor got screwed over by Terry and his brother. on the title and no way of fixing it. no way of driving the vehicle. SINCE FILING DIVORCE/ GOING TO THERAPY Since being divorced, I realized how much freedom I missed. Freedom to go to the store when I want or be me. But also, I have gained more support in so many ways and I still deal with what I have been through. I know that I have a long way to go, because the abuse has damaged me and I have nightmares at times. I am easily triggered by certain noises people's actions and the memories I have. I am learning to live again and be independent and be happy for me. I am trying to focus on my future which is with my biological children. I don't want my children to see me in no bad relationship and I want to give my biological children my undivided attention as to rebuilding our lives together. They don't need to see me in a bad relationship. No woman deserves to go through abuse. No is no when it comes to s*x or r**e. No one should have to endure being r***d, yelled at, hovered over, imprisoned, their items broken, being hurt physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, or sexually. No child should be taught to hit a woman or have to act out because their parents actions. No child should be hit and told they are fat and told their mom is a b***h. Abuse is abuse. Abuse effects people in the long run. How you choose to over come the abuse is the question, continue to be the victim or be a survivor and tell your story. With what I went through, I decided to tell my story. Because with two unborn children whom passed, Terry Lynn Ross Jr 12/24/19 and Navaeh Lane Ross 9/19/20, I can only imagine that life would have been hard for them and the abuse, and I know that I was not ready for the children. God blessed me with the pregnancies but he wasn't going to put the babies through hell. And I had to get myself out of hell. And I did thanks to the sheriff and my friend. I was trauma bonded for a while and I had betrayal trauma. I knew all the reasons I shouldn't work things out with my husband at the time. I had cried and cried. Nights and days I cried wondering what in the world. Now today, I am thankful for staying with my friend. Getting closer to get my apartment that the agency I go for treatment, has helped me. Among all of what I have learned, you gain more support when you actually take care of yourself and do for yourself, and take positive advise. If you get out of an abusive situation, stay out. Don't go back. There are red flags and it's your life, no one owns you or has the right to control you or hurt you. And if you have just one trusted friend or neighbor, to help you get out of the abuse, by golly I mean, get out of the abuse. Change your number. Breathe for you. Live for you. Don't let the perpatraitor sweet talk you into coming back. Because, they don't change. They will continue to do what they do. They will promise, say sorry, or blame you. Putting yourself back in the situation is not worth it. I know that I am worthy. I know that I have a history of being in bad relationships. I can say, I don't need a relationship to be happy. To be happy is start saving money for my future with my children. So I can do things with my children. Or be able to help my children if they need something. Being independent is a start in the right direction. Staying focused and determined and working through the abuse, all is a goal for me. Recovering from abuse and getting back to where you were in life doesn't happen magically overnight, it takes time. The Power Of Abuse of what my Ex husband put me through, may have brought me down and destroyed me little by little, into puzzle pieces. But, I am coming back together. And I am coming back stronger. Why am I coming back stronger, because I am not a quitter. Nothing can knock me down to hard that hasn't already. And I ended the cycle of abuse when I got the dvo . With the DVO, It's good for three years. Before three years is up, I will make sure the dvo is extended. Only because, Domestic violence, is real and three years is not long enough for my protection. My ex abusive husband was made held accountable for what he done to me. And if I can tell my story, and be proud to be a survivor. so can you. the first step is getting out of the abuse if you are still in it. THANK YOU Thank you for reading what I have written. I have written what I have recently been through. it was not easy writing it. but I am grateful to have written my story. because the abuse I went through, tore me up and I still deal with it and I am finally trying to get on my own to be on the road to a new future a good future. Writing this, is to help others. and share the impact abuse does leave on people. not only on adults but children as well. Children are effected by abuse and it damages them .