Fall In Love With A Feline

Chapter 8

--**Abey's POV:

I haven't done anything like this in my whole life. It never crossed my mind nor has never felt I needed to pretend... to pretend like I don't care if he gets frustrated and mad at me.

I just want him to get the message.

I just want him to realize what he's making me do compare to what he really sees me.

Am I still a cat for him or am I a human?

What does he really want me to be?

All I want is to be with him. That's all...

It's not the same as living in the same house, eating, together, sleeping beside each other...

No.

All of it will never be enough.

I can feel he's holding himself back and I know what it is that holds him back. It's the very fact that I was once a cat.

And I'm trying so hard to make him decide what I should be.

I woke up with the unusual alarm of his phone. It's still dark and he was careful enough not to move too much because I'm sleeping on top of him. I tried to resist sleeping like this on him but, it feels like I'm hurting myself if I continue doing so. But out of the usual, he picked up his phone and talked to it. I was curious because he never talked to his phone whenever it alarms but, I decided to pretend to be asleep.

"Hello?" He groggily answered, deep voice cracking. I heard someone talking, someone answering but it was faint and I couldn't understand it.

"Uhh... Yeah sure. I'll be there, give me an hour, please..." he replied.

He's going out?

When I felt him return the phone on the nightstand, I pretended to be half asleep and curl my body while hugging him tightly.

"Abey..." He softly called out, patting my head gently. I responded with a soft groan as I gently rub my face on his chest. He then slowly lift his body from the bed, "I need to go to work today."

"Whyy?" I whined softly, voice muffled as I bury my face on his chest.

"Something happened. I need to fix it today." He replied, warm hands now sliding to my arm.

"Nooooo... you said you'll be home for a month, that means thirty days...." I replied, tightening my embrace.

"It's just today. I'll return immediately once I finished." He retorted.

"Keviiiiin..." I look up at him, lower lip curling to a pout whining his name.

"Now, Abey... Or I won't be able to return quickly." He said before a soft smile formed upon his lips.

I had no choice but to move.

I sometimes forget pretending and end up chasing him. But I had to remember what I want so I did not insist like I usually do and force him to stay so I slowly get off from him while gathering all the warm sheets we both been in, curling my body for the familiar warmth that's slowly disappearing from my skin.

Before he left, he made me some breakfast. He also left some food in the fridge in case he'll not be back by lunch. I ate late because I was waiting for him but he did not return as early as I was expecting him to be.

Out of boredom, I knocked over all the things I usually push out of my way when I was still a cat. From his cologne to the plastic jars to even playing with the old kitten toys that I left lying around the apartment floor.

Enjoyed playing with this stuff before but now, why do I find myself silly when I chase ball of yarn? It was fun at first but, I realize that I look kinda stupid now.

The catnip I used to loooove so much now smells weird.

The squeaky toy mouse doesn't seem amusing to me either.

Not when Kevin's not around to play with me. Everything that's used to be amusing now seems pointless,

However, I have a clear goal and that's to make him decide what he wants me to be. I left all these toys on the floor and made the house a  mess. I did not even make the bed since this morning. I remained how I usually am even if I already knew how I should be behaving. 

He needs to decided whether he wants a cat or a human the soonest.

It was already dark when I heard the keys jingling behind the door. I quickly stood up and watch the knob in excitement.

His absence had always been my weakness.

But I had been in war with myself if I should greet him or run inside our room and hide from him. 

Panic-stricken, my hands begin to tremble and my heart began purring wildly. But suddenly, the door opened before I could even decide what to do so out of habit, I jump into him. And as always, he was quick to catch me.

I guess my love for him still wins at the end of the day, no matter how focused my eyes is on the price.

"This was the longest you've been out of home," I complained while my head was buried on the crook of his neck.

"And you're naked... again." He replied followed by a soft chuckle.

But his soft chuckles are short-lived when a sigh of exhaustion follows. "What?-- you messed up the hou---" he trails off with another sigh.

"I'm sorry... I was bored... and you're gone." I complained again.

"There's no difference when I am home anyway." He said before another sigh."Get off and get dressed. I'm making dinner and cleaning the house after."

I quickly peeled my head from his neck and look at him who seems really drained of energy just by seeing our home in a state of disarray.

I may have overdone it this time.

"I'm sorry. I'll help you." I pouted.

"What for? So you could knock over things and make a mess again?" He scoffs. This was the first time I saw him roll his eyes on me which had me really feeling bad for what I did. However, something seems off...

The way he talked about is unusual.

He gets mad and irritated but there was never a sarcasm in his tone or choice of words.

"Are you okay?" I asked, not wanting to get off him even if his hold on me had loosened.

"I thought I would be once I got home... Get off now, Abey. I need to get started so I can sleep early. I'm tired."

I then loosened my legs around him and planted my feet on the floor. He walks off, picking up everything on the way. I ran inside our room to get at least a shirt on and start helping him out.

But during dinner, I couldn't eat while seeing him looking so down and exhausted.

"Kevin?" I called out, standing before squeezing myself on his lap before hugging him.

"I'm sorry I made a mess." I apologized softly while gently rubbing my cheek on his cheek with my fingers entangling with the hair at the back of his head. I waited for his reply and his arms to hold me, but I did not get an embrace nor got a reply... He just sat there while I sat on his lap.

Feeling guilty over everything, my eyes started to water while my chest feels like it's being squeezed tightly.

"Channie, please... talk to me?" I asked even if it's beginning to be hard for me to talk.

"Nobody even wants to help me around." He muttered after a long sigh. "It's not my mess but I end up cleaning for them. And even if I helped... I ended up taking the blame when it's clearly not my fault. Everywhere I go, I always clean up the mess... It makes me think sometimes, am I only needed because they can get something from me and blame the fault on me in the end? Or are they setting me up because they want me to leave. What did I ever do wrong?"

I did not understand what he said. But the fact that he sounded like he's going to give up soon is making me feel so, sooo bad.

"I'm so sorrryyyyy.." I cried softly.

"You have to eat your food before it gets cold." He replied nonchalantly, hands on my waist, feeling him pushing me off him gently.

I peeled myself from him and look at his eyes only to find him looking away.

I cupped his cheeks, forcing him to take even a single glance at me but he held my wrist and remove my hands from him. "Eat your food."

"Nooo..." I retorted, pulling my hands off his grip and cupped his left cheek once again before planting a kiss on the right, holding my lips on its place upon his soft cheek.

Then, he slowly turns his head towards me, "You..." He whispered. I peeled my trembling lips from his cheek and look at his eyes whos finally looking back at mine.

"Do you only stay with me because I'm your owner? Because I gave you food and shelter? Do you only need me because you benefit from me so you can live? Just like everyone else. Once they got what they need from me, they'll leave me behind even blaming me for something I did not do."

I quickly shook my head in response, "Noooo...."

"That's what you told me last night..." he retorted, eyes building up water.

"You said you love me... is that because you need me so you can live?" He asked. "And you can't wait to be a cat again so you wouldn't have deal with me ranting all day...."

"Nooo... I'm sorry.... that wasn't what I wanted you to realize." I replied, earning a confused look that had him frown in confusion.

"I just want you to choose if you want me to be a cat or to be human. I want you to understand what you really want. Because every time I try to be with you, you always say that I'm a cat, that it's not natural for you to be with me. You keep on reminding me I'm a cat even if you're trying to teach me how to be human... I'm so confused about what you want me to be, I'm confused about which  part of me will make you happy, Kevin..." I  cried.

"I mean it when I said I love you and it doesn't mean I only love you because I benefit from you. I do need you, Kevin. I really need you because I love you." I said softly while resting my forehead against his, eyes closing for I can no longer hide everything.

I can't control the hard beating of my chest and the words that come along with it.

"You're right, I can't live without you... I won't be able to eat knowing I made you mad, I won't be able to sleep because I need to feel your warmth... I need to feel that you care for me and that you love me too. And I just wanted to hear that again. I'm sorry if I acted beyond myself, if I reverted back to my ways as a cat because I thought it'll make you realize what you really want. I didn't know what I'm doing will cause you to feel bad... I love you, Kevin." I continued to cry. 

Suddenly, he cupped my cheeks, looking straight in my eyes.

"I am human now, but why does Kevin always tell me it's against nature if you'll be with me? Why can't you tell me you love me? I don't have fur all over my body, I don't have a tail, I don't have paws and claws. I don't meow anymore. I am not a cat. I wanted to become a person for you because you are mine. But why can't Kevin see me as a person?"

"I'm afraid..." he mutters, hands cupping my cheek while his thumbs wipe my tears.

"I'm afraid to get attached knowing that I'll lose you if you change back. But, I love you."

I felt my heart stopped, I thought I heard his voice inside my head but I saw his lips moved with the words coming out from his mouth.

"But if I let myself get more attached to your form right now---"

"Say it again..." I said, cutting him off. " I don't care about your reasons and everything else... just you."

His eyes grew soft and gentle from evident worry and frustration.

"Not about anything else, but you..." He whispered.

"Just you..." I replied as I nod at the same time.

"I love you." He whispered, eyes focused on mine.

I smiled beyond the endless salty water dripping down from my eyes.

"I've been waiting for that..." I said, smiling, his eyes now focused on my lips.

"I'm sorry but the blame is really on you." I chuckled followed by a sob.

"It's the only blame I'm willing to take." He whispered before pulling me close to him until our lips touched. I could not help but continue to leak from the eyes as I kiss him back despite how my lips tremble.

I miss his lips like I never did before. I've only kissed him once and having the absence of his lips was quite excruciating while I wait for him to realize what he really wants. But it feels so good to have been able to make-up with him now. I was scared that he'll be angry at me for so long because of my behavior.

I don't know what I would do if that happens.

But for now, maybe... I shouldn't force him to do anything with me. Maybe, I should take my time.

I think I wouldn't be changing back soon anyway.

Well, I don't really think I'll change back to a cat.

Right now, being able to kiss him and hear him say he loves me is enough.

It would be enough...

Even if I this kiss suddenly makes me feel that heat again.