Second Chance in Destiny

A Sad Reality

I was dancing in my room on the random songs that started once I opened my youtube and played a song. I love dancing not only because it is one of the things I am good at but also because it helps me to express myself. It was 5 am in the morning today when I woke up although I went to bed after midnight. You must be wondering why right?It was my 16th birthday today. Usually I am not this much excited for this day but today felt different. I was super excited, maybe that’s why a part of me wanted to just dance the whole day. “Rosel”called my mom in her usual tone. “Coming” I answered as I went downstairs to see why she was calling me. “Hey mom” I greeted as I saw her in our little garden outside. “Happy birthday sweety but can you go and get me some things from the supermarket right now?” she asked as she tied her blonde hair in a ponytail. “Of course,” I said. I don’t look like my parents at all because my mom’s a blonde with grey eyes and my dad has black hair with black eyes. On the contrary, I had dark brown hair and eyes. I was on my dad for the height though I guess cause mom is 4.8 and dad’s a 5.7. I was maybe 5.3 or 5.2  but I was still growing so I had a hope that I would be as tall as my dad. I went to my room and braided my hair in a side braid as they almost reached the end of my back so I don’t open them often. I checked my phone and no messages from any of my so-called friends. I mean it’s okay for those  who live nearby cause they were coming to my birthday party tonight so I can confront them tonight but my best friends it was not okay at all. I knew they all had forgotten my birthday. I left the house with a fake smile on my face in front of mom. I am a master at faking smiles as I have to do it every day. The weather which was quite pleasant when I was dancing was not so pleasant now. The pleasant wind started blowing aggressively now. I don’t know how I reached the supermarket and got the things my mother had asked for. I was returning home when a few of the boys from my town gathered around me. You could tell by the looks they were giving me how friendly we were to each other. “Get out of my way,”I said. “Why? Scared Rosel?’’ asked one of the boys. “Yeah, I am scared but not for me, for you” I said replying back. I honestly was laughing inside at their dumbness. “It’s your stupid birthday isn’t it huh?” asked the boys. “Want a gift?” asked one of the boys but before they could attack me I simply took the stones lying on the road and threw them at them. “6 in a row” I said as I enjoyed my victory. “Next time please learn something new or at least become a little hard to defeat” I said as I walked past them laughing at them. Don’t worry they won’t bother me today again unless they wanna die cause I have a really bad temper and the worst anger. Anyways I got back home and gave my mom the things she asked for and the change. “Sweety, did you fight again?” asked my mom as she probably would have figured it out from my smile. “Why?” I asked carefully, trying not to look suspicious at all. “Cause when you left the weather turned aggressive and now it is pleasant” she replied. “That’s not my fault,” I said. “ But so are you,” said my mom, crossing her arms across her chest. “No ,what are you even talking about?” I said and went to my room quietly. I knew if I would have stayed there my mom would have caught me. She doesn't like that I fight and beat the boys so severely. I would say I was full easy on  them today. I started drawing in my drawing book. I like to draw. It's one of my hobbies. I like to write, dance, draw, paint ,act ,etc. Basically I love to participate in co curricular activities a lot. I decided to check my phone again after 1 hour of drawing and still there were no messages. I hated to feel ignored the most. I wanted to burn them alive right now cause I am the one who always cares about them and helped them but they couldn’t even remember my birthday. I was beyond furious so I went on to dance again but this time it wasn’t the fun dancing or the one I do when I am happy. I was furious so my dance was full of anger and what’s even better was that heavy rain started along with it. I was sad I guess not angry cause I don’t like to cry so I show my anger but deep down I knew my heart has been broken again today. I took some rest and went to bed again in order to clear my mind or if I speak honestly to hide my emotions or running away from them as usual. We had a day off so I could sleep as it was predicted to have heavy rain as usual. When I woke up after maybe 2 hours. The weather was back to pleasant . Even there was no water on the streets. I went to take a bath again just to feel energetic again. I washed my hair this time. I went downstairs after some time for lunch. “Ready for the party?” asked my dad. “Yeah” I answered. “I still think you should have tried a new style,” added mom. I am over this conversation now. Since the day I brought my birthday dress. I am a very old fashioned person according to my mom. She wanted me to try maybe an off shoulder or a new style but I ended up taking a floral top and blue bottom dress with full sleeves. “Mom, I like it that way,” I said. I feel like I have said  this sentence a billion times now. I was overly exhausted from this topic. I don’t want to fight, that's why I stay up stairs in my room most of the time and maybe because I am rarely invited to any hangout and I don’t even know the reason for it. Anyways I went to my room again and started to read a book. I love fantasy books the most but I don’t believe in magic even a bit cause if it did exist why would anyone ever have a problem. I am a very boring person I feel because literally no one wants to hear my thoughts. I just never cry in front of anyone because I know that no one will give me a shoulder to cry on , no one will ever care about me, no one will ever care to listen to me. I know I am not worthy enough so I rarely leave my room. I finished my book. Yeah I am really fast when it comes to reading. It was almost 4pm so I decided to study a little bit before the party started at 6 pm. I barely got ready for the party. I hated makeup and stuff so I try to avoid them as much as I can.

The party started at 6pm as planned. At first everyone was very excited. My friends were very engaged so I had a hope that this time my birthday  would be different from all the past birthdayS I had. I was very happy but my happiness only lasted till I had cake cutting after that when it came on dancing and enjoying everyone didn’t participate at all. They all were on their phones doing god knows what. I felt so hurt cause if it was someone else’s party they all would have made it a grand day but because I wasn’t important they would never notice me ever. I started crying as they all shrugged me off when I tried to get their attention. I am a very sensitive person. I might  be strong but your actions can make me cry easily.They all finally noticed me and decided to keep their phones down. We all decided to play truth and dare. I shouldn’t have agreed as what was coming was probably the worst thing that would have happened. It was like a cherry on cake or like applying salt to a wound. They all took my phone and started video calling all my contacts. “Let’s see how important you are for others,” they said. I tried to grab my phone back but they didn’t agree. I watched them making fun of me as I predicted no one would pick up and even replied to my messages. Not even a single person. I could have given myself the same excuses I have been for all of my life but I knew those were only lies. I couldn’t watch it anymore, I just can’t do it. I am tired of doing the same act of being happy now. I ended my party earlier than I was supposed to. I just couldn’t look at their laughing faces any more. I couldn’t handle the things they were saying. I just couldn’t control myself this time. I am tired of this same old act now. I was cleaning up the room . The weather outside changed to match my emotions. There was thunder and lightning. I went into my room and locked myself. I didn’t want to let my parents see my tears. I cried for hours there sitting in a corner. I layed down on the floor motionless for a few hours. I couldn’t stop my tears. Their words were roaming in my head. I couldn’t get myself together. I finally got up and went to the mirror. “You Rosel are unworthy of anything, Stop trying for others cause no one wants to see your damn stupid face and listehn ypur annoying voice. You are a loser, a big damn loser. You have achieved nothing and all those certificates of yours are just a waste. You are a big failure in making friends and I honestly feel sorry for you but now you need to wipe off those tears. Don’t try to smile cause you will cry the harder you try to smile. You should have died cause honestly hell and death are much better than your life. No one would care if one day you just disappeared from this world. Stop those tears cause no one wants to watch them. Shut yourself up knowing that no one would notice the change, knowing that no one wants you to open up. They all hate you just hate. Your value is just like a stone on a street while others are diamonds” I yelled at my reflection. I tried to go to bed but failed and ended up lying motionless on my bed. Tears fell down my cheeks constantly but I made no voice. There was a complete silence but inside my head a billion negative thoughts were going on. I couldn’t find myself. I realized that I didn’t even know who I was. I had no personality . I was just like a lifeless toy who is just used to pass time and has no importance in anyone’s life. I felt super alone at that moment cause I knew no one would come to wipe my tears no one. I knew my worth now. I knew how un special I was and how I was just a useless person. I felt that I was just a burden. I know how badly I have failed in  making friends. How big of an irritating person I was. I am not talking about this day but all of my life till now.