50 Days to His Heart

Day 24: Henry

I looked at my reflection for one last time before I went to the garage and checked on our car. I just can't believe that I am looking at a different Henry now.

Gone are the days when I think so highly of myself without recognizing that it's God who has given me the ability to do things. Gone are the days when I would let my emotion take control of me and I prioritize money over anything else. Gone are those days when I wasted my life just to get over Eunice back then. I even had suicidal attempts and used drugs and had casual s*x to a number of women I lost count of just to escape from the pain of being left alone.

Last night, in our prayer meeting, I accepted the fact that even then, when I chose to run away from God when I was broken from Eunice and was so full of myself, He never abandoned me. He has used Lorraine to pick me up and made me see a life that is worth celebrating.

But I still didn't recognize God.

'A thousand times I've failed

Still Your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

I'm caught in Your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending Your glory goes beyond all fame'

The song that we sang yesterday,From the Inside Out, has spoken so much about my life and I ended up crying to a group of people I have not met before. It was unbelievable that they didn't judge me but rather looked at me with care and understanding.

Today, Lorraine and I will finally be attending a church service together and I just pray that come next Sunday, it will be with Dos and Tres too.

"Click"

My baby took a stolen shot of me while I try to fix my necktie, checking if it looks good on me through the side mirror.

"What was that for Baby?"

"My remembrance that daddy is finally learning how to tie his necktie." Lorraine is making fun of me again. She knows very well that I'm not good at doing this. Yeah, simple things but Lorraine does it better.

"I was supposed to ask you but I saw that you were still reading the Bible so I thought of just doing it myself."

"I just have to read again the story of Job. It is just so heartfelt. I just hope that unlike Job, we will not really lose our children." Lorraine seems like crying again.

"Baby, we've asked God to take care of this right and the police are still doing their best, so please, smile for me?"

"Yeah I know." She closed her eyes, I think to pray and shouted, " I rebuke all my worries!"

"That's my baby."

I was about to give Lorraine a kiss when she stopped me.

"We are going to church daddy and I don't want us to end up doing something else. I know I am irresistible."

She chuckled and opened the passenger seat.

"Okay."

"Let's go?"

***

To say that we are the earliest bird is an understatement. The service was supposed to start at 10 in the morning but we arrived at 7:59am which is also good since we were able to talk to the pastor who again prayed for us and and our family.

People started pouring in and my wife just can't help to be all giddy and happy seeing Vianna and her husband George together.

Lorraine has told me that they too had marital problems and it was only a couple of weeks ago when they were able to sort things out. Well, looking at both of them, they are overflowing with love for each other, a proof that no matter how broken it may seem, with God everything is made new.

"We will be staying at the front daddy. George will propose to Vianna, but she doesn't know." Lorraine whispered like a teenager who was so excited to witness a proposal.

"What do you mean? But they are married right?" I whispered back.

"Yes, yes, but George is renewing his vow." My wife could not control her excitement that she even clasped her hands together.

"Wow." Was all that I could say.

The service started and we sang praises to God, and finally, the pastor called up George infront to give his life testimonial. I felt underdressed looking at George who is wearing a White Tuxedo. He would pass the look of a Hollywood actor.

I just don't know how is a life testimonial related to a wedding proposal?

George went up to the pulpit, fixed his necktie, smiled at Vianna and to everyone in church. 'I had a funny thought of maybe, George can't fix his necktie himself. After all it's not just me but also George.'

I smiled at the thought of it and I felt Lorraine pitching my hand reminding me to listen.

   "You have not seen our family complete for quite a long time. Our church attendance has been erratic. Sometimes we are present but most of the time we are not. I have never pictured    myself    standing here in front of you, sharing my dark past, my brokenness, our family's    struggles and challenges, but I guess, the grace of God is so overflowing that he has equipped    me today to    share how He is working in our family's lives."

Wow. That was a revelation. God is so faithful that He still loves us despite of our dark past.

"I am an HIV positive. This is the reason why I tried to create my own world apart from the church, away from my family, distant from God. I thought if I'd do this, it would be easier to let    go and let life take me to somewhere I don't know."

I didn't realize that the couple is carrying such a heavy burden, especially to George. I know they would want more children. But would that be possible? Adoption perhaps.

"Being a carrier, I always worry about my life, about my future with Vianna and Thirdy. I was    able to keep my medication and my treatment from everyone for the past 10 years but I guess,  God has orchestrated that night when I went home drunk and Vianna discovered about my secret."

Secrets, yeah, I too hid so many things from Lorraine. I am happy that she still accepted me in her life.

"It was when I had an accident and underwent blood transfusion that I got this. And to someone    who has just started a family, perhaps you would feel the same thing that I felt---angst, hatred,    coldness. But even if have given up on Him, God never did."

Amen! God never gave up on me too. I looked at Lorraine who is also teary-eyed.

"I am here not to ask sympathy from everyone but I am here because I want to testify how God's love can heal our broken hearts. His mercy is unfailing and yes, His love is a fortress to the weak."

It takes a brave soul to just share your life to people who are not even member of the family. I just admire George.

"Just like what Chris Tomlin speaks about in his song, God is our refuge, and our strength. I am alive and I am forgiven and that is all that matters.If there will be times in your life that you will feel alone and not loved, feel not. God will never    ever leave you, nor forsake you. He will send people to let you feel his unfailing love."

Yes, I have received that unfailing love too.

"I thank God that I have Thirdy and Vianna with me, even our friend Adrian who has been an    instrument for me to wake up and realize that I have missed the boat chasing after the ship."

Wait, is he referring to the same Adrian who helped us with our marriage too? Adrian is really heaven sent.

"Today, I stand before you to speak of the great promise that God has everyone for us and to let    everyone of you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, I seek your blessings as I ask Vianna to marry  me again."

Marry Vianna again? Lorraine got her hanky from her bag, held Vianna's hand and both started to cry.

"Vianna, a month from now, will be turning 15 and I want to start with you all over again. This    time, I'll make every second count, My Love."

He went down from the church pulpit and I heard everyone cheered. He got a ring from his pocket and asked for Vianna's hand. My wife on the other hand was fast enough to take a video of the proposal.

"I tried to read, I go to work, I laugh with my friends, but Vianna, I can't stop to keep myself from thinking."

"Yeah! So when do we hold our wedding?"--- Vianna replied and  everyone joined them in celebration and in thanksgiving even my wife who seemed like to forget that I am with her.

She was hugging Vianna and was so happy for her friend.

A life testimony that has affirmed my faith for the Lord.

A wedding proposal from George.

An overjoyed Vianna.

And I can't help but think of what Lorraine would feel like if I'd ask her to marry me again?

Lorraine went back to our seats and whispered,

"They are so lovely together and George is so sweeeeet."

I wonder what Lorraine would feel like if I propose to her again? I have to find out soon.