WHAT SLIPPED
757 Words
I stepped out for air with the hope of coming across Elijah. The noise from the hall reduced gradually as I walked further away from the hall looking for a place to sit and enjoy the cool evening breeze.Then I saw him.
He stood near his car, phone in hand and the other hand in his pocket. The streetlight shun slightly on him illuminating his face.
I could have turned around but the years of unfinished sentences pressed against my chest and before I let fear get the best of me, I walked towards him.
As if sensing my presence he lifted his head and looked at me with a blank face.
"Eli" his name came out smoothly from my lips.
"Nia" he responded.
"Can we talk" I asked fiddling with my fingers.
"Sure" he adjusted his posture and slid his phone into his pocket then folding his hands on his chest.
"I just...." I hesitated "I don't want things to remain the way they are"
"In what way" he asked.
"There is so much tension between us and I know everyone can see it but no one wants to talk about it" I said quickly.
He looked at me like he was weighing the next words that'll come out of his mouth.
"Look I'm not asking for us to go back to the way it was before, I just want peace" I said quietly.
His clenched his jaw.
"I made peace a long time ago" he replied.
"You're not sure about that"
He exhaled slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"You can't say Nia, you left" he said
"I didn't mean to, I was drowning and I didn't have anyone to turn to" I said
"I was there, waiting outside your door, waiting for you to let me in, waiting for you to open up and ask for help" he said raising his voice slightly.
"I'm sorry but I didn't know how to ask" tears filled my eyes.
"And your next action was to pack up and leave" he questioned.
"Nia you left everyone without looking back once and now you want to make peace. You must be kidding me" he laughed without humour in his voice.
"I'm so sorry" I croaked out letting a year slip from my eyes.
"That's not going to fix the damage you caused, it's not going to fill up the space you left" he shook his head.
A car passed at the far end of the road, it's headlights cutting the darkness before disappearing again.
An uncomfortable silence stretched between us but one question lingered in my head.
"Do you hate me" I voiced out my thoughts.
A minute passed, he said nothing. My heart rate increased awaiting his reply.
"I never did" he finally said.
Relief surged through me.
"Then why don't you..." he cuts me short.
"Don't you get it, wanting you became harder than forgetting you, I tried to hate you, tried to forget you but nothing worked" he lets out
"You were everywhere Nia, I couldn't get you out of my head" he says closing the space between us.
I staggered backwards.
He stared into my eyes like he was staring directly into my soul. I could see the raw emotions in his eyes, the ones he hid all these years. I stared at him frozen.
He shut his eyes for some seconds before opening them with regret evident in his eyes. He shook his head as if realising he said more than he was supposed to let out, he took a few steps back, distance snapping back into place.
"I can't do this right now" he said.
"Eli"
"No not tonight" he said walking towards the driver's side of the car.
I stared at his as he opened the car door, paused then looked at me one more time.
"We'll talk but not tonight" he got in and drove away.
I stood still watching the car disappear down the street, my heart racing, his words echoing over and over again in my head.
Truly he never left my side during those times, but there were things I couldn't say out because of the fear of being judged, I didn't want to look too weak. I was never the type to walk up to someone for help I would rather wallow in my pain than tell anyone.
He said he never hated me, does that mean I still have a second chance to fix this?
Will we ever go back to the way we were?
- Writer
