A LOVE THAT WAITED

Driving through the familiar street dressed in decorations ready for new year celebration an ache begins to settle in my chest as I approach my mother's home, the home I left 5 years ago. I park my car in the driveway not moving right away, my hands remain on the steering wheel, knuckles tight like letting go would make everything feel real. I am back home, the place I thought I would never return to. I let out a deep breath before gathering my phone and airpod into my shoulder bag, taking the keys out of the ignition I step out of the car letting the familiar smell of freshly baked bread from the bakery down the street hit me. I approached the door and was about to knock when the door opened. "Nia?" my mom stood there frozen for half a second like she wasn't too sure if I was real. Her honey brown hair was tied into a messy bun, her face filled with a mixture of shock and surprise and her eyes softer than I remember. "Hello mama" I said with a small smile on my lips. "Nia you're really here" she smiles and suddenly pulls me into her arms. "Yeah" I said weakly welcoming the embrace of my mother after so long. "I've missed you so much sugar plum" she said pulling back and cupping my face. The words landed heavier than I expected, ever since I left I distanced myself from her and rarely placed a call through to her but she always did. "I missed you too" I said looking away from her. "Where are your things" she asked looking around me for my luggage. "They're in the car, I'll get them later" I grabbed her hand and led her inside. Just like I left it, the old furnitures, the newsletters on the centre table, dad's favourite couch, the show glass that enclosed all our pictures. I looked at my mother and saw her watching me silently like I was a book she was studying. I knew she was aware of what was going on in her head and my chest tightened. "I'll make you tea" she said quickly and walked towards the kitchen. I followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. I watched her movement and each time we make eye contact she gives me a kind smile and quickly returns to what she was doing, it felt like she was avoiding eye contact. Realising how much distance I had put between us without meaning to, I was supposed to be here for her when dad and my brother, Ethan left but I was wallowing in grief while I ignored her own feelings. I left her. "Mama" I said suddenly, my voice low. "I'm sorry I left suddenly and didn't checkup on you more often" She stopped what she was doing and turned around smiling at me. "Sugar Plum you're here now and that's what matters" she said. "Here's your tea....you can go up and rest when you're done I'm sure you must be very tired" she said pouring the tea into a mug and handing it over to me. "Thanks mama" I collect the mug and give her a side gig before heading upstairs to my room. It's like I never left, like it was cleaned everyday expecting it's owner's arrival. The homey lilac walls, my favourite bedsheets laid neatly on my bed and my study table was dust free with my books neatly stacked on top each other. I let out a sigh and sit on my bed taking a sip of the tea and taking in the silence that engulfed me making realisation set in. I'm really back home.