The Secret Circle

Nani

I was surprised to see a meal cooked when I got home. My mother never cooked. Not since Dad.

"Uhh....is there something going on that I should know about?" I ask, setting down my workout equipment on the side of the trailer door.

My mom, her hair all put up nicely, looked at me and smiled. "Yeah. Just after you get out of the shower, okay?"

I sidled past our small kitchen to our even smaller bathroom. What is she up to? Where is Cam? 

That last question was answered quickly when a flash of blonde hair tumbled into me roughly. I wrapped my arms around her small body. 

"There you are!"

"Oh jeez," She scrunched her nose up and pushed me away, "you stink."

"No, I, smell like pure man."

She pinched her nose in between her fingers.

"I don't like the way a man smells then....blech."

I took in her attire. Mom was dressed up. She was dressed up. What was going on?

"Why are you so....dressed up?" 

She looked down at her white, butterfly-filled dress, fiddling with the bottom part of it. It was a dress Dad bought before he left...again. I guess it was supposed to be an apology dress for leaving her when she was so young. It didn't make sense though. He just left again the next day. He left her heartbroken. Plus the dress didn't fit. It still kind of didn't now. 

"Mom said not to tell you. She said that when you get out of the shower, we're going to sit down and have a talk."

Talk? What talk? Was there something wrong? What was happening?

"I suppose I should go find my sharpest suit then, huh?"

"Yes, please. And don't put on anything flannel. Mom said so."

I rolled my eyes. Of course they would restrict me from wearing the only thing I liked.

"And....don't tell her I told you this...but we're supposed to be meeting someone important today."

Important? Someone important? No one in this town is important. They're all assholes.

"Alright, your secret's safe with me."

Cam flounced off back into her room, her dress flowing loosely around her. I smile. She was so happy. Pure. And I had to leave her here. I had to leave her and Mom all alone. I'll come back when I make it. I promise. I will not forget about you. I had to. They deserve the ability to live comfortably.

_____________

Mom had the table set. It was something out of my wildest dreams. Literally. There was ham in the center of the table, all glazed and dressed. She had cornbread, greens, beans, yams, she even had one of her homemade pound cakes on the table. Whoever this was, was very important. I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable in my suit. What if it was Dad? She cooked like this the last time he came back and promised to stay. The next day, he swiped all of her cash. I could only guess what he would use that money for. But it was all good because he left Cam a dress right?

"So, Nani," my mother had red lipstick on today. It made her hazel eyes pop so much. But that wasn't what I noticed about her. She always wore red lipstick. I noticed that she was glowing. Happy. Ecstatic, maybe, "I...I met someone."

Fuck. 

"I know you're very sensitive about that because of what happened with Tim, I am too. I was really hesitant about even talking to him. But I did, obviously. He seems like a good man. I wanted you to meet him first before we took things to the next step. If you don't like him, I won't continue the relationship. This is all up to you." Momma explained slowly so I could process the information at my pace.

So this dinner was for me. Not for the guy. There was no way. And what did the "next step" mean? Where was the first step?

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because.....I don't want you worrying about me. And I didn't want to raise a false alarm. I wasn't really sure if it was going to work between us."

I wasn't worried about you. I was worried about Cam. She had to go through unimaginable trauma with Tim.

"Momma.....I....I don't like that you sprung this up on me. Could you at least give me a description of this man?"

Knock, knock, knock! Three sharp knocks sound at the door. The knocks were heavy. Like a man's hand. 

"Oh, I guess there's no time. Sorry baby." Mom rose from her seat at the small table. "I promise he isn't like Tim."

"Rrrriiigghhttt." I mutter.

I watched her take a small breath and straighten out her black, tight dress before she opened the door with the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face, "Phillip! I'm so glad you could make it! Come in!"

Picking up one of the serving spoons, I started to fix my plate quickly. I'd be damned if he would get the first serving at my mother's hand.

"Please, sit," The chair next to me was pulled out by my mother's hand, but her body wasn't sitting there. It was his body, "I'll fix your plate."

My eyes wouldn't give him the satisfaction of him getting to see them. I didn't want to look at him. Even though I didn't know any grown man by the name of Phillip around here.

"Thank you, Joyce. I haven't had a good home-cooked meal in a while."

Cam c****d her head to the side, "Then what have you been eating."

The man next to me laughed. For some reason, I couldn't despise it. It was damn near contagious. 

"Well, takeout for the most part. Being a CEO of a business is very time-consuming. I barely have time to eat."

Cam scrunched her face up, "How do you survive?"

I could see that he had dark brown hair that was curly. That's all I would allow myself to see.

"I don't really need food to survive."

"Everybody needs food to survive." Cam giggled.

Momma poured food onto Cam's plate with a small, sweet laugh, "Eat honey. You need a little meat on your bones. Phillip will be just fine. He gets all the nutrients he needs to go on."

Mama moved out of my eyesight towards Phillip, who was out of my eyesight. I was tempted to look. I wanted to keep my mother in my sight at all times. One thing I learned was that grown men were not to be trusted in this town. But I didn't. I wasn't ready to give him the satisfaction he wanted.

"Oh, Joyce, you don't have to fix my plate. I can do it."

"Nonsense," Mama banged the serving spoon against his plate. It made such an irritating noise. It was just like how she fixed my father's plate, "you've been working nonstop all this week. You need someone to do something for you for a change."

"Joy, I do have people doing things for me. I have maids and cooks. I don't want you to be subjected to that. You don't deserve that."

Don't give it to him. Don't give him that satisfaction. All of that talking don't mean s**t. Tim was like that too at first.

"Why are you being so impossible?" Mama giggled.

"Because you don't deserve to serve me. Queens don't serve." He responded simply. "That goes for you too, Cameron. You don't have to serve anyone."

She smiled ear to ear. "I've never been called a queen. Don't queens have fancy things? And aren't they pretty?"

Phillip shifted next to me. "You don't think you're pretty?"

Cam's smile faded into a small shadow. That was pretty foreign for Cam. She was always happy.

"The girls at my school say I'm the ugliest in the grade."

I dropped my serving spoon back into the bowl. It seemed like the whole room went quiet. s**t, I went blank in my mind. To have to sit by and hear your sister say something like that....just makes you upset. It made me upset. I wasn't there like I wanted to be for her, I realized. Cam was the strongest out of all of us. She wore a smile even on her bad days.

"You're beautiful." Phillip and I say in unison.

I almost look at him. Almost. I could feel him glancing at me from the side.

"Cam, sweetie, you are the prettiest girl I know. Don't let those girls tell you otherwise." Mom said quietly.

We both knew why they called her ugly. She had curly hair. Her skin was brown. She couldn't be like them. That made her different. 

"What school do you go to?" Phillip asked.

I knew instantly that he wasn't from here at all. Most children went to Filmore Elementary. Everyone knew that.

"Filmore Elementary." 

"Mmm. Consider it fixed."

Who was this man? How did he think he could just fix it?

"Let's eat."

"Wait." Phillip's attention was on me. I could feel it. "Nani, is it?"

I clench my jaw. He already knew my name. He didn't need to ask if he already knew it.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Have I done something wrong? You haven't said a word. Your mother told me that you were very talkative."

I bet she told you a lot of things. Just like Tim.

"Uh, Phil, let's not poke at him. He's not really...ready." Mom said.

"Ah. I remember not being ready. I understand Nani. Take all the time you need."

I still didn't give him the satisfaction of my gaze. I already knew his appearance anyways. By the way he talked I could tell everything about him was expensive. If everything about him was expensive then he for damn sure had a suit on. A nice one. And he probably had a Rolex on. I didn't know his race. Tim was white. He didn't sound white. Nor did he sound black. Or Hispanic. That was very tempting. I wanted to know what type of asshole I would have to put up with. He can't have that satisfaction. Don't give it to him.

"So, Cameron, how are your grades in school?" 

Cameron's smile grew bright, "The best in my class."

"The best in the school," Mama added.

I was still quiet and reclusive in my chair.

"Woah. We gotta get you a gift, huh?"

"A...gift? It's not my birthday yet."

"In my world, you get rewarded for being successful. So, what would you like?"

Cam pushed the beans on her plate around in circles.

"I like art." 

"You're intelligent and an artist? Wow. I didn't know that I had the honor to sit at the table with someone so talented. Do you have any pictures I could look at?"

I couldn't lie, Cam had a talent. She could draw her ass off. Her room was covered in picture drawings.

"A bit."

"Alright, y'all. We will talk about art later on. Let's pray now." Momma chirped, holding out her hands.

This is where the major issue came in. Mom was sitting opposite of me. Phillip and Cam would hold her hands. I would have to touch hands with Phillip. I didn't want to do that.

"Ah, I should have mentioned, Joyce, I'm not a religious person. I don't pray." Phillip said.

"Oh?"

There was confusion in her voice. I still didn't look at him to see what type of silent conversation he was having with my mother. I've seen that act before. Trying to appeal to me. Trying to get on my good side. I didn't have a good side for men who wanted to date my mother. She's my mother. I was supposed to protect her from getting hurt. It would be easier if she would stop leading herself to men that would hurt her. Dad, Tom, now this? He's the worst. He's rich. Rich people are nothing but trouble.

"Yeah, I just don't feel like he's done a lot for me in my life."

"Ohhh. That's fine. Nani, your hand please."

My arm brushed a piece of his suit for a second. It felt expensive. Who was this man? I forgot all about my inquiries whenever I held my mother's soft, soothing hand in mine. Her touch did that to me. I felt safe, strong, and secure whenever I felt her physically. I felt like it was just me, Cam, and her. How it should be. I knew we were safe this way. I knew it was easier not to worry when I got home. This new threat....changes everything. It makes everything we had here unbalanced, but when I touched her hand, it was just us. It was perfect and there wasn't any threat. It was the way it should have been. Normal.