I Became Her

Chapter 13 -The Lex-

-One week later-

“You look better every day,” her friendly voice pulled me from my thoughts.

“Maybe one of these days I will start feeling better as well,” I answer with a sad smile. I went through a nightmare and survived, but sadly, surviving doesn’t erase what happened. The day I learn how to live with the memories of that night will be the day I can breathe again. Right now, the oxygen is going in and my lungs expand, but it’s a reflex, not something that gives me the will to live. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, it’s a bodily function that is keeping me alive, and I am thankful for that, it’s just not something that pushes me forward.

“You will. I know that better than anyone.” She comes closer and places her hand on my shoulder for support. “But for now, we need to relocate you before staff here starts to ask questions.”

“What do you mean?” The question flies out of my mouth before I can even digest what she said. I know I can’t stay here forever, but I have nowhere else to go. At least not yet. And what questions? I am a patient here, so why would anyone ask any questions about me?

“You can’t stay here for long and since you refuse to leave Vegas, we need to hide you until the dust settles,” she exhales loudly, and I can sense she is still having issues with my decision to stay. “You will stay at Kane’s apartment until we come up with a plan.”

“Kane?” My head is starting to spin from all the things she is telling me. “Shai, please just stop! What Kane and why hide me? I am not following any of this.” And that’s the truth. I didn’t expect to live in the hospital, but this is coming a little to suddenly for me.

“I didn’t want to scare you, so I didn’t say anything before, but do you really think these guys will let you live in Vegas, while they do their dirty deeds here?” She asks, but the answer is obvious, so I don’t answer.

“Why would they be afraid of me?”

She snorts and shakes her head. “Afraid? They are not afraid of you. They just don’t want their used sock to mix in with the new ones and that is it. So, you have to lie low until they can be sure that you either died or disappeared for good.”

Everything in her voice tells me I should pack up whatever strength I have and leave without looking back, but everything in me tells me I should stay and figure out how to wreck this house of horrors.

“And this Kane will help me?” I ask with some skepticism laced in my voice.

“Not help per se. But he owns a gym and small motel near Chinatown so he can accommodate you until things cool down and you can start looking for a job and find some footing.”

“You trust him?” Can’t fault me for being a little uneasy with taking handouts from men I haven’t seen before, or from men I have been living with for a year for that matter.

“When I met him, I didn’t have the luxury not to trust him, but now he is the only one I can trust,” she says with an expression that makes me believe her words. “He saved me. He has carried so many girls out, after these monsters had their way with them. For f***s sake, he carried you out.” She gets emotional or even intense while protecting him. Is there little more between them than just their quest to help girls like me?

But that is not any of my business actually. If she trusts him, then I can accept the help they are offering. Not that I have any other options at the moment. If I could, I’d say ‘no’, but that's not something I can afford at the moment.

“What do I need to do to get discharged?” I’ve never been hospitalized before, so I have no idea if or what paperwork is needed.

“Honey, for most people here in Vegas, you are considered dead, this room is considered vacant, and the treatments you got were off the books. So, let's get moving before someone notices something.”

Some things she said earlier are becoming clearer now and her efficiency shows this is not her first time to do something like this. A lump forms in my throat at the thought of how many girls they have destroyed; how many she has helped. It’s sickening to know that those three are not the only ones stealing lives and futures in this world.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” she walks to the closet and pulls my suitcase from it. The one I traveled here with. “Your things we collected from the room.”

“I don’t want it.” Even seeing that thing causes my skin to crawl. Everything in it was bought with him or gifted by him with money that he got from trafficking girls. I’d rather wear bedsheets as clothes than wear anything from that suitcase.

“I figured. So, I brought you these,” Shai says and hands me the paper bag she had placed on the chair after entering. “Get dressed, I’ll get rid of this,” she nods towards the suitcase and rolls it out the room.

I put on the jeans, sweater and sneakers I pulled out from the bag, and I have to admit, it feels good to ditch the hospital gown that marked me as a victim, as a survivor. I am both, but I don’t want to be, I don’t want to be defined by tragedy, even if it means I have overcome it. Yes, it happened, but I don’t want it to follow me around like a shadow that is present even when lights shine the brightest.

After getting dressed, I sit one last time on the bed that marks a new beginning for me. I was ripped into pieces on one and put back together on another. I am not comparing myself to Phoenix, 'cause they are ready to die, they lit themselves on fire, I was burnt against my will by monsters who don’t even deserve to be spoken of. I am no Phoenix, but I too can rise from the ashes.

“Are you ready?” Shai asked at the door without coming in.

I stand and take a deep breath ‘like I have a choice’, I think to myself, but nod to her and walk out of the room. We walk down the corridor and the area around the nurses’ station is busy with doctors, patients, visitors and other hospital staff, and then I realize, that I have to go back to real life. I have to communicate; I have to function and act like a normal human being. I can feel anxiety making me nauseous and cold sweat starting to cover my skin.

“You’ll be fine. I’m going to be by your side.” She must’ve felt the trembling and halt in my step. If only her words would calm the storm that is threatening to start raging in me.

I take her hand and hold it tightly. She has comforted me before with her touch, so I don’t repulse the skin-on-skin with her. In a normal situation, it wouldn’t be something I would initiate myself, but right now, it’s something that helps me put one foot in front of the other.

As soon as we step outside into fresh air, I let go of her hand like a reflex and breathe in 'cause it feels I was suffocating earlier. Actually, it is hard to say how long I have been grasping for air since, I don’t even remember when was the last time I felt somewhat at ease. Was it before arriving in Vegas? Was it before Yasmine or my mother died?

“I don’t want to push you, but we have to go,” she points towards the parking lot across the street from us.

“I am not afraid of them,” I say without any truth behind my bold statement. Of course, I am afraid of them, I am afraid of Shai, and I am getting more and more afraid to meet this Kane. I am in a situation I have to trust and believe people I don’t know. What if I walk into another disaster? What if they are all in on it? Wouldn’t that be the cherry on that f*****g icing called my life?

But hey, this downward spiral has to stop at some point, so hopefully I have reached there.

Fingers crossed, right?

We drive off in a nice white Chevy that is too clean to be someone’s personal vehicle, so my guess is that this is a rental. I am not going to ask why; I just don’t care.

“We should get you a new name. Just for now,” she says with wariness, not knowing I had already made a decision to walk away from my past.

I don’t answer her right away and we drive in silence until she parks the car in front of a three-story building which has a sign “Damnbell” placed over the double doors probably leading into Kane’s gym.

We exit the car and I walk around it, offer my hand to her to introduce the new me.

“Hi. I am Lex”