I Became Her

I am still writing this one and will be uploading when I am almost finished with the story. But (there is always a 'but') I am working full time now and my time to write is almost gone, so I can't give an exact date for the uploads to start. Hopefully soon though. *** - Here is an unedited Prologue or teaser if you will. - Have you ever been in a position where you must choose whether to keep fighting for your life or just give up and be done with it? I have. Twice actually. For the second time in my short life l am lying in a hospital bed trying to figure out if I should keep going, keep fighting for a right to breathe on this earth or let go and give someone the space I am occupying. What would you do? What would you do if you barely survived the first time and now you have to do it all over again? What should I do? It’s the million dollar question I suppose. I am not weak. Not anymore. But making this decision is way out of my league.  Let’s break this dilemma into pieces so it is easier to comprehend what I am dealing with.  Do I want to die? Yes. I have suffered so much. Dealt with so much crap and I have no strength left to continue this battle.  Do I want to live? Yes. Who wouldn’t? I have people who rely on me. I have a social status that many envy and to cap it off I have more money than I could ever spend. Sounds like a dream, right? There are upsides to all the downsides and the other way around. What should I do then? Stay in this vegetative state and be alive but not live cause I can’t make up my mind?  If someone made that decision for me, I would be forever grateful. Whatever they decided, I would be okay with it. Just take the responsibility and confusion away from me and let it be whatever, dead or alive, wouldn’t matter to be honest. I am not looking for a sign from God because there is no God in my life. There couldn’t be and there never will be. My lifestyle bows to money and power, not to beliefs. I believe in me and that is it. You become weak if you start to rely on someone other than yourself and one thing, I cannot become again is weak. It has cost me too much in the past and I am not willing to pay that price again. For you to understand what in the hell I am talking about, I have to start from the beginning. Not from the beginning of my life, but from the moment everything around me started to fall like dominoes knocking each other down one after another. No stopping, no escape. Maybe after you hear everything, you can tell me what should I do? Hold on and keep breathing, or just stop and find the release we are promised after our struggles. Fight or surrender?