I Became Her

Chapter 27 -The Fire-

“Name whatever condition and I’ll do it,” he says with confidence he shouldn’t have before hearing what I am about to ask him. He is lucky I don’t need a hitman or hired gun, otherwise I would have to send cigarettes to the prison so he could trade them for his life or prison virginity.

“You should think before you speak,” I tell him jokingly and I think he understands what I mean because his face falls a little. “I need your business education, expertise, connections and I need you to look over my shoulder when I make decisions.” He raises his eyebrows in surprise while listening. I know what I am asking, and I also know that it is a lot when he also has his father’s empire to run, but this is what I need in exchange for being his girlfriend for the world to see. He has experience in man’s world, and I don’t, so he will guide me through it.

“You want to start a business?” There is not a single degrading note in his voice, none. He doesn’t think I am stupid or overambitious to think that I can start something on my own. He just sounds curious and that is it.

“If you help me, then I will. I don’t have enough prowess in the business world to pull this off on my own.” And prowess is not the only thing I am lacking, also connections and everything else I mentioned. “I have an idea, but I need help. A lot of help, I am afraid.”

He doesn’t answer me, he offers his hand and I take it. He gives one hard shake and lets go.

“Well, girlfriend, will you show me now where you actually live?”

I open the door and jump out of the car. “Not before the wedding, my dear,” I joke and slam the door shut so he doesn’t have a chance to reply.

I walk down the street towards my apartment and jump up like a frog when Isaac honks while speeding past me. At least I know he is gone, and I can finally slump my shoulders and drag my very tired feet, no need to be the perfect young lady any longer.

“What was that?” Voice behind me asks and another little jump makes my feet cry in high heels. When the first fright passes, I recognize the voice.

“A friend,” I answer him without stopping or looking over my shoulder.

“That was Nazarian, not a friend. What is going on?” He can’t hide the irritation that clutches his voice when he speaks and at the moment I can’t really understand if that irritation is because of me, or if he was already in a shitty mood.

“Am I not allowed to have friends?” I finally turn to face him and he almost crashes into me when I stop too suddenly for him to react.

“Do you really want to have friends from the same place where Duncan crawled out of?” He tilts his head and looks straight at me with eyes that have nothing good to say to me today. He is clearly pissed about something and is taking it out on me.

“I am not going to hide under a rock. I am not going to stop living because of him,” I say, and his expression is unmoving and cold as a block of ice. “I can have friends and relationships with whoever I want, wherever they come from. Period.”

“Relationships?” His face is still emotionless, but his voice speaks volumes with detestation lacing through this single word formed as a question. I know I owe him a lot, but this interrogation is not something I have to put up with. He has no right to belittle me just because I am forever indebted to him for all his help.

“Not going to discuss that with you. I am tired, so excuse me.” I walk away from him and if I hear right, he is not following me. Not that I want him to, but I hate leaving things sour with him. He is a good guy, and I don’t want him getting involved in my disarray of a life.

“You’re playing with fire!” he shouts after me when I have managed to put some distance between us.

I don’t answer him. I know very well what I am playing with, and to be honest, I have been playing with inferno since I met Duncan, so this fire is not rocking my boat enough for me to jump off of it.

I am about to turn into the parking lot that is in front of the gym when I hear ‘f**k’ echoing through the air. Something in me wants to turn back and find out what is up with him. I have never seen him angry or snappy, so whatever happened must be quite big to affect him in such a way. He is usually not cool as a cucumber, but this is over the top, even for him.

Anyhow, I don’t have the mindset to deal with him, so I let him boil in his anger alone. I am not here to pamper others while being broken myself.

Two broken pieces don’t always make something whole, so we need to find our missing pieces before we can help each other. ‘One piece at a time’, I say to myself while walking up the stairs to get home.

I search my tiny clutch for keys that seem to be invisible for some reason.

Yelp escaped my lips when someone grabbed my arm and spun me around so fast that my back hit the still locked door.

“I am not supposed to care, but I do. Perhaps even too much, so seeing you walk down that road is making me burn inside.” His eyes are digging a little too deep into mine when he speaks, and that connection is making me hold my breath. I am not afraid of him. Him hurting me is out of the question. But as of this moment, me hurting him is very much a certainty.

“If it burns, then it is you who is playing with fire,” I say to him and yank my arm free from his grip. Even though there is no physical link between us, I still feel the heat of his skin on mine. This cannot be happening. I promised myself. No feelings. I promised and I have to keep it.

“There is no stopping you, is there?” There is pain in his voice, pain and pleading that confuse my drained brain to the point I feel irresistible need to escape him and his questions.

“I am tired so, please excuse me.” I turn my back at him and continue searching my bag until I see that shiny devil who was hiding from me.

I unlock the door and before closing it in his face I can’t help but look into his eyes one more time. Big mistake. They are dark, unusually dark and my heart skips a beat like I don’t have enough problems already. I shut the door and rest my head against it. Why now? We have been training together for a while and I felt nothing, so why is it happening now?

Whatever. I will shake it off and forget this whole evening. Kane is my trainer and neighbor, that is it. Just a guy from next door. Just a guy.

Damn.

I hear his door close, and my breathing is starting to resume at its normal pace. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty that is confusing, not the man. My life is getting messier by the minute, so I guess it is normal that I feel what I am not supposed to.

New situations, new people and new promises are gathering around me like storm clouds. No wonder I can’t see clearly. I need to compartmentalize; I need to keep different aspects and people separate as much as possible to make it easier on me and others.

But how does one do that?

I don’t have a past, I only have present that is not so great to start with, so how can I divide people and obligations into different compartments when I don’t even know how to fit them into one?

Faint knocking brings my train of thoughts back to station reality and it takes a few seconds before I realize that the knocking is actually coming from behind my front door.

Anything else he wants to add to make me feel even worse?

I open the door with a little too much force and scream when she collapses on top of me. I lose my balance so we both hit the ground.

I scream again, but this time for help.

Her bloodied face resting on my lap.