Obsession

Numb

   I really don't know how many minutes I was crouched down crying in the shower. My head was lowered so I didn't see Ben come in. I heard the shower turn off. I felt his hands touch my skin. I felt him his warm embrace as he lifted me up off the cold floor. He wrapped a towel around me and brought me into the bedroom. I don't think I had stopped crying. I was numb. I didn't move or speak. I felt empty. What did I do? What did I just give up? All for this man. This wonderful man. Ben didn't speak either. I tried to look into his eyes but he was moving around so much. He went from one end of the room to the other. He had clothes in his hand but he saw my face and knew I wouldn't move to put them on. He used the towel to dry me off and slipped the shirt on me. He put on my underwear and some shorts. I started to cry again. He couldn't be a bad man. He couldn't be using me as a replacement. He had to really love me, right? He began to dry my hair and it was so delicate and gentle. He walked me over to the bed and sat me down. I finally looked into his eyes and saw his pain. He didn't say anything, he just looked into my eyes and I looked into his.

"Ben," I whispered. I pulled him into me, crashing my lips onto his. I felt hungry and lusted for his lips. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to me. I felt him grip my waist.

"I Lov-,"

"Don't," Ben placed his thumb on my lips and caressed them. I wanted to tell him I loved him too but he stopped me. I was confused as to why.

"I was so scared. You are mine Sky, only mine," Ben said. I didn't know if this was a good or bad thing at the time but I would soon have my answer. He began to kiss me again. His kisses were gentle and calming.

"Will you let me," Ben asked. He was tugging on my shirt. Was he scared to touch me? I nodded and helped him lifted my shirt off. He kissed me slowly around my neck and then lowered his lips to my breasts. He lifted me up off the bed and pulled down my shorts and underwear in one movement. He placed small kisses on my thigh and center. I quickly pulled him up. I wanted to feel him inside me. I was eager to have him. I wanted to forget everything. Maybe all I needed was his love. Maybe that was enough. He kissed me once more and pushed me softly on to the bed. He held my hands down and curled his fingers with mine. I felt him push inside me. It was swift yet gentle. He continued to hold my hands on both sides of my head while he began to kiss my neck and repeatedly made his way deeper into me.

"You're so perfect," he whispered. He started to move even faster and faster until I knew we were both reaching our high. He grunted in my ear and I cried out his name. He kissed my cheek and then kissed my lips.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. He pulled a blanket over me and pulled me to his chest. I fell asleep within minutes.

The next day, I was still wondering what to do next but I was less scared. I realized I would never hate this man even if I tried. Ben was taking a shower when I woke up. I went to go check on Lily and then joined Ben in the shower. He was almost finished but had no problem finishing with me. We had breakfast and talked a bit. I told him I had 3 weeks left and I had to put all my focus on finals. He said he understood and said he would look into finding another person to watch Lily. I told him about my plans to go to law school. He wants me to apply to the best school in the city but I was just going to go to a smaller one closer to town and cheaper. His eyes were so telling. I knew he had something up his sleeve but I just couldn't get it out of him.

"I have a surprise for you," he said as I washed the dishes. I grabbed Lily and followed him outside.

"Oh Ben, No tell me you didn't," Ben handed me keys and I was shocked to see a beautiful silver car parked in front of the house.

"I want you to be safe and this will help you come home sooner," he said.

"Home," I said as my eyes teared up.

"We are your home. Always come back to us." I hugged him. Lily was smiling and laughing in my arms. He told me he loved me again. And if I was keeping score. I was surely loosing. I wasn't 100% sure but I felt like the entire neighborhood was watching our scene outside. Lily in my arms as Ben wrapped his arms around us and kissed me fiercely. I didn't really care though. I was happy and that's all that mattered. Maybe I was being selfish and it wouldn't be the first time or the last. These two people were the most important thing in my life. Call me ignorant but ignorance is bliss. I didn't have all the answers and I wasn't sure I needed them anymore. Stupid I know. Hey, I might learn my lesson I might not. We went back inside after checking out the car and I got ready to go to my first class. I guess it would be faster now that I have a new car. I kissed Ben and Lily goodbye and headed to school. Being able to listen to music and singalong is very cool. Better than listening to music and having to hold it in because you're surrounded by people on a crowded bus. I started to listen to "Let that be enough." Music really knows how to hit you where it counts and give you all the feels.