So Near yet So Far (GxG)

CHAPTER 14 : SEASON 1 - KATE POV

Asking her that question makes her stop,

Pati ako napahinto rin, haist ano ba kasi ang nasa isip ko at naitanong ko pa iyon?!

Pakialam ko ba kung mahal niya pa o hindi!, ano ba, nagiging marites na rin ba ako?

"Okay, lang if you can't answer-"

I was cut from talking when she started to speak.

"-I don't know...maybe I am still, maybe I am not anymore, hindi ko ma-define ang sarili kong feelings sa ngayon, In time I will answer that properly, utang ko sa iyo"

Sabi niya then smile.

"Ang safe mo rin sumagot eh, medyo madaya ka sa part na iyan alam mo ba iyon?!"

Pagtataray ko sa kaniya habang nagpipigil din ako ng ngiti.

"Walang madaya roon, sabi ko nga utang eh, at least you have something to expect from me in time, though, why are you asking?"

Pabalik niya naman na tanong, mukha lang kaming ewan eh, daig pa ang fast talk!

"Curious lang.."

"Talaga? Dahil lang kasi na-curious ka? parang ang weird naman ng sagot mo, ikaw ang madaya eh"

Sabi niya naman at this time ako naman ang natatawa na.

"Oo nga, sobrang nacu-curious lang talaga ako kaya naitanong ko"

Sagot ko and she look at me with matching pungay ng mata.

"And why is that?"

Bigla niya naman na tanong na hindi ko in-expect, kaloka pabalik-balik lang kami sa tanong namin eh!

"Wala lang, kasi you took that far simply because you said you love her before, eh ngayon kaya, I wonder if you still feel the same sa kaniya kahit wala na siya"

Sabi ko and she just drink the last drop of her first can of beer, ako naman ay nagbukas na nang pangalawang lata.

"Sa ngayon kasi hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko, my feelings is not always a big deal so nasanay akong i-keep until I can't define it anymore, hmmmm all I know is when I remember her, how special she is ang naalala ko, pero about feelings I can't tell for now"

Seryoso niyang sabi drinking her another can, I guess nakukuha ko naman ang gusto niyang sabihin.

Natutulala ako bigla sa mga wordings namin ngayon, parehas kami ata halos sa lahat, pati burden parehas kami.

"Huy! Hindi ka na sumagot diyan! Okay ka lang?"

Bigla niya namang tanong na nagpabalik ng ulirat ko.

"Ha? Hmmmm wala lang, naiisip ko lang kasi na halos parehas pala tayo, burden, situation pati ung position when it comes to love parehas tayo, hindi mahal ng mahal natin...hmmmm he still loves Digna, ang tanga ko ng sobra, hindi ko man lang napansing mas may mahal pala siyang iba"

"He said that?"

Takang tanong niya.

"I can read between the lines"

"Ah nag-assume ka"

" No, I'm not!"

"Oh siya nanghusga ka lang!"

" Loko hindi noh! Hindi naman kailangan sabihin ng bibig or put into words para i-express ang reality, you will know it by heart, you will noticed if something isn't right, the way I ask him right there and then, alam ko na iyon, ramdam ko iyon"

"Hmmmm I see, parehas nga tayo pero magkaiba rin...she told me on my face she love him..."

Sabi niya and I can see sadness in her eyes...on that part sabay kami natahimik and sabay rin ang pagtungga ng alak,

Parehas na lang kami nakatitig sa labas bago ako magsalita, ewan ko bigla kasing parang ang bigat ng mga sinabi niya eh.

"Mas worst pala iyong sa iyo, she is mean huh...kaloka, si Vincent nga alam na mahal mo si Digna eh siya pa kaya herself hindi alam na mahal mo siya? That bullshit!"

Sabi ko na may pagtaas ang boses, napatingin naman siya at napapangiti ng loko,

"Oh ngiti-ngiti ka riyan? hindi ba ang mean lang!"

Sabi ko ulit.

"Ang cute mo kasi, you know it is done, wala nang magagawa pa, it is already happen and I didn't know that Vincent know my feelings, hmmmm, it has been a while pero parang ang dami pang hindi ko rin alam"

Sabi niya na kahit nakangiti her tone has a bitterness on it, gustuhin ko man siya i-comfort pero ako rin, nangangailangan ng comfort somehow.

Sa totoo lang gustong-gusto kong umiyak nanaman, knowing everything I should have known before.

"Marami kang hindi alam, pero mas okay na iyon, unlike me, ang dami kong dapat malaman pero ngayon ko lang nadiskubre, mga bagay na dapat nakapagdesisyon ako ng maayos, mga bagay na dapat hindi ko nagawa, yung puso kong dapat prinotektahan ko...hindi ko alam paano magsisimula knowing everything, may pinanghahawakan pa ba ako..."

Paliwanag ko while having another shot and tears fall down my face.

"Then start making your own decision na hindi siya included, pasok ka sa cafe having a reason for your own and not anymore to pay for Vincent's debts, let's start...sabay ka sa akin"

Sabi niya looking at me, nasasaktan ako sa sinabi niya, it seems parang walang-wala na talaga kami ni Vincent, so called attachment na lang pero walang feelings, magjowa pero isa lang nagmamahal...

"Kung sasabay ako sa iyo, will you comfort me as well? I badly needed that right now, I need someone.."

Natutulala kong sabi and then she hold my hand, I was a little stunned sa ginawa niya pero nag-cool naman ako after,

"You kiss me earlier because you want comfort right...well then...let me comfort you now this time"

She said with just an inch away now from me, magkatapat na ang mga ilong namin and sense the same breath, slowly she moves her head to mine but I start a short whisper...

"You will kiss me even I don't feel it and you might not feel me as well?"

I whisper...

"It doesn't matter, no feelings much safer.."

She whispers back and then our lips cross the distance between.

This time her kiss is real, I don't sense the feelings and I'm pretty sure she don't sense mine, medyo naiilang ako honestly and she noticed it kaya huminto siya.

"Just think of me as Vincent..."

she whispered.

"And think of me as Digna..."

I whispered back.

And then our kiss deepens, I can now feel her more thinking she is him, the way she strokes her tongue inside my mouth, nakikita ko ang maamong mukha ni Vincent.

Sinasalubong ko naman ang bawat halik niya like how I used to do with him, sa puntong ito, my tears is now forming my eyes hangang sa pumapatak na ito sa mukha ko.

Yung luha kong tuloy-tuloy while we are sharing this emotional kiss.

Her lips travelled now to my neck and then whisper...

"Do you want?"

She asks.

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko, natatakot ako but I want this...

"Do what you can babe"

Bulong ko and then she continue kissing my neck, bawat halik ay ramdam ko ang sip-sip sa skin ko, s**t, mayroon kakaiba akong nararamdaman na unti-unti kong nagugustuhan.

Slowly hinuhubad na niya ang suot ko until I am all naked on top, lalo niya akong niyakap while showering me with kiss.

Napapaungol na ako ng mahina until she touch my down part na biglang nagpahinto sa akin...

Naitulak ko siya ng marahan...even holding my breast ay hindi niya nagawa..

I suddenly cover myself with my arms...

"I-Im sorry...h-hindi ko pa ata kaya, I am sorry..."

Sabi ko and then she just smile at before magsalita.

"It is okay, I understand, but I hope I could comfort you properly like what you want..."

Sabi niya na parang nahiya ako...

Hindi ako nakasagot but she hold my arms sabay hatak sa akin and then kiss me on my forehead, while hugging me.

She pick up my clothes at dahan-dahan niya akong tinulungan magdamit.

Natigilan at natahimik ako sa ginawa niya, that is so sweet...shit parang namumula ata ang pisngi ko...

"Ang sweet mo ah...ang hirap namang paniwalaang hindi ka minahal ni Digna"

"Why? Gusto mo na ba ako mahalin?"

Tanong niya nangingiti pa.

"Gago! As if! Hindi pa naman ako bakla noh!"

Sagot ko at lalo siyang natawa.

"Baka lang naman nadadala ka na sa aking karisma hahaha"

Sagot niya naman sabay tawa.

Medyo nagiging magiliw na rin siya ngayon kahit kitang kita ko ang lungkot sa kaniya.

I am just really wondering why Digna never falls for her, is it just because she is a she? Does gender matter now? Kahit ganito ka-sweet tulad ni Gabbie...

"Alam mo, kidding aside, tingin ko nagka-feelings din yang si Digna sa iyo, hindi mo lang nalaman.."

I said na nakapagpahinto sa kanyang pagtawa.

"She is not, like I said she told me in front of my face na hindi niya ako mahal, it is Vincent"

Paliwanag niya na nagbalik sa lungkot ng mata niya.

"Pero kasi...hindi ka naman mahirap mahalin..."

Sabi ko and then regret after, shuta, ano na ba itong pinagsasabi ko...

"Sabi ko na eh may tendency na ma-inlove ka sa akin...but you know hindi ka rin mahirap mahalin...masarap ka nga mahalin eh"

Sagot niya naman at this time ako naman ang natahimik na.

"Am I? But why he didn't even love me still, kami ng ilang taon pero until now I never get his whole heart, naiwan pa rin pala kay Digna"

"Not everyone is like Vincent"

"Bakit? mai-inlove ka rin ba sa akin?"

Diretsahan kong tanong,

I can't wait to hear it, part of me is excited to know kung ano ang sagot niya.

"Yes, why not...I find you special and hindi mahirap mahalin so yes"

Sagot niya na talagang natigilan ako.

Shit, bakit ba ganoon ang sagot nitong bruhang ito!

"Bruha ka! Dami mo alam! As if, you were like Vincent on that part, patay na patay pa rin kay Digna"

"You think I am? Hmmmm saka ka na mag-conclude riyan pagnapagtanto ko na iyan sa sarili ko"

"Fine! Pero ayoko mangyari iyun, you can't fall for me and I can't fall for you, I treasure you as my friend, we can't ruin that,"

Paliwanag ko and she is just looking at me at nangingiti nanaman,

"But we can comfort each other?"

Biglaan niyang tanong.

Napaisip ako, ano iyon, parang friends with benefits.

"Hmmmm so magkaibigan tayo while do the landian just to comfort each other?"

Paliwanag ko.

"Yeah something like that"

Sagot niya naman.

"Hmmmm I don't know for now bahala na, just be ready na lang once I badly need it though I can only do much"

"Naiintindihan ko iyon, as for me, I think let's do it lang if we both feel alone and lonely...I can't do it with anyone else"

Paliwanag niya and I get that.

"Hmmmm it is a deal then... mas-safe pagganito,"

Sabi ko and then we just both smile at each other,

Inabutan na kami ng umaga, nakita kong humikab na siya kaya naman naisip ko nang magpaalam.

"Oh, antok ka na, sige na uwe na ako"

Sabi ko and was about to stand up when she hold my hand.

"Dito ka na lang matulog please"

Sabi niya and I like her smile, ang cute niya makiusap.

"Sure ka? Malikot ako matulog!"

Sagot ko naman sabay tawa.

"Kahit gumulong gulong ka pa!"

"Oy! Tandaan mo mamayang 10 may pasok pa ako Ah, ayoko naman mapagalitan ng boss ko!"

Bigla siyang humalakhak sa sinabi ko.

"Mabait kaya ang boss mo, hindi ka noon pagagalitan for sure!"

"Akala mo lang! Pagdating sa business niya nag-iiba ng pagkatao yun!"

"You know that is not true, I am just managing the business well"

"Ay, ikaw ba ang tinutukoy ko? Affected ka ah"

"Ewan ko sa iyo!"

Sabi niya sabay tayo at nilayasan ako papasok ng kwarto niya, hahahha ang cute parang bata,

Sinundan ko naman siya agad and I was startle nang gulatin niya ako sabay yakap sa bewang ko.

Nagtawanan kami until our eyes met, and suddenly the time seems to move slowly.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ba tutungo ang samahan namin na ganito.

I hope whatever happens at this very moment ay hindi ko pagsisihan in time...